[ it's fine, he can still say it. go on, see what happens 🔪 jk, not even his manly wife is immune to kneecap-related injuries. ]
Don't ??? me as if I'm pathetic! Not knowing how to cook has never inconvenienced me, so I've never seen a point in learning!
I don't want you to compromise your nutritional needs though, especially on my account, so fine. I will support your culinary endeavors in any way I can! Maybe we can even learn to cook together? It's hardly fair if I leave it to you *all* the time.
[ his Other Best Friend is a pro baker who drops off treats all the time so riddle won't request kaiser learn to bake sweets for him. unless it becomes a problem? will kaiser get jealous? god riddle hopes not. ]
It's hardly leeching if I offer, but I understand the desire to be a good guest. Very well.
i was expressing surprise because it seemed like something you would know how to do youre very capable in general so i just figured you wouldnt have problems with anything in daily life...? which i guess is still the case if it hasnt ever inconvenienced you
[ as a food oriented boy, kaiser will never turn down free sweets. he will try to not seem overly eager for when dessert is dropped off, though, lest it send off the wrong message, kaiser knows that trope!!! ]
then, is there anything you want to eat but usually dont have the chance to
My mother tried to teach me when I was younger, but nothing I made ever seemed to come out edible. Whether I follow the recipe to the letter, or "follow my heart" and heap in secret ingredients, I only ever end up with a catastrophe.
[ like, he literally cannot make anything outside of toxic smoking charred garbage, even his mother was so horrified she decided it was safer for humanity if she cut her losses and forbid him from the kitchen. ]
If I'm to be honest, I'm willing to try anything once within reason. Growing up, Mama only allowed me to eat unflavored oatmeal and vitamins in order to meet my exact caloric needs.
But, if I had to choose *one* thing... My absolute favorite food is strawberry tarts. I could eat them every day and never grow tired of them. Trey spoils me with them all the time.
What about you? Is there anything you haven't had the opportunity to try yet? Even if we don't cook it ourselves, having future restaurant ideas will be useful.
[ kaiser prefers not having enough food to only being able to eat unflavored oatmeal and vitamins? he hopes they were at least gummy vitamins for some fun and whimsy... if he'd known, he would've brought riddle snacks... ]
that was to the oatmeal situation not your cooking situation. youre so right you deserve to eat whatever you want for the rest of your life after only knowing the taste of oatmeal for years... as for me... its nothing i havent tried yet but i want to bake bread from scratch someday... other than that, maybe paella?
She said it would help me optimize my growth! I still have another year or two until it's too late!
[ no whimsy allowed in the rosehearts household, only being the height of a teenage girl forever. ]
I didn't think it was all that bad at first, but after tasting *real* food, I'm inclined to agree. I don't know what I'm going to do when I return home.
Excellent choices. I think you would be a very good baker. You have a keen eye for detail and take direction well (when you want to, anyway...), so the scientific aspect would be no problem for you. Paella looks delicious as well, but so does most Italian food. Once I learn how to boil pasta, I think even I could learn to make fettuccine.
[ he's not gonna bother mentioning bri'ish food, he knows their shit sucks...fucking spotted dick and unseasoned potatoes. what a joke. ]
[ he doesn't think it worked... no, he shalln't say it. riddle still has a few years to be delusional about having a huge growth spurt on the horizon, kaiser won't ruin it for him. ]
you think so? i know nothing about baking so i will take your word for it maybe i will become one of those people who takes up doing sourdough starters as a hobby over the summer
[ he says he doesn't know anything about baking, but he knows this about sourdough... bread isn't baking, perhaps, in his mind. bread is... everything. ]
i think i didnt exactly understand how dire the situation with your cooking is. you can brew a nice cup of tea but not a pot of pasta...?
I know so, and I'm never wrong. Just start small. Boxed mixes and starter kits will do nicely. You'll gain experience you can generalize across other baked goods as you practice. Truly, you are destined for bread excellence...but do not forget to bake things for me too.
My infuser is very advanced, so it does everything for me. All I need to do is use the scooper, put the leaves in the basket, and select the tea from an app. It's extremely convenient! If only such a device existed for pasta...
[ of course he has one of those 500$ infusers shaped like something out of a science lab..... ]
[ he'll first look up the recipe for strawberry tarts and conclude... that doesn't look nearly as complicated as he was thinking it would be? he could definitely get up to this level over the summer, if not higher. he has ambitions now, he has a vision. ]
is there anything you want to try, then? ill build up my skills and make you something impressive eventually. strawberry pie? do people put strawberries in pies?
[ kaiser doesn't know people put anything in pies. ]
... so tea is okay because you basically have no input in making the tea after you put the leaves in... i see. does your infuser have a name because i feel like it deserves it. its like your butler
Goodness, give me a moment to think... Maybe shepherds pie? Or chicken biryani. Something filling and comforting.
You can't go wrong with strawberry pie, though! You can put just about any fruit in a pie, I wager! If you're feeling adventurous, I bet an orchard pie would be just the challenge you're looking for.
[ genuinely, riddle will eat anything as long as it's seasoned. ]
I suppose that's one way to look at it. It even adds milk, honey, or sugar according to my preferences as well, so it really does save a lot of time. With that in mind, you make a good point by comparing it to a butler... Without it, my mornings wouldn't be as smooth as they are.
What's an appropriate name for a butler? Sebastian? Thackery? Collinsworth?
[ he shall be writing these down in his special notebook for remembering things. ]
i see... then i will try lots of different things and you tell me what you like more or less (you will like everything since i made it, right 🥺)
[ he's kidding. but also, there is a correct answer. ]
jeeves, i suppose, is the stereotypical one... but it lacks elegance to it. how about charles? [ after the butler from downton abbey... ] he can even have a proper full name, charles collinsworth (bonus points for alliteration)
I like the sound of that. So long as you try your best, I can't foresee myself *disliking* anything you make for me.
[ he trusts kaiser won't feed him, like, fried dirt or something, and that he isn't as cursed in the kitchen as he is, so everything should be fine!! ]
Jeeves sounds like something you would say when exasperated or angry. Charles Collinsworth, on the other hand, sounds perfect. It's modern but distinguished. I even tested it out by addressing him a moment ago, and it rolls off the tongue nicely.
Excellent. I look forward to sampling your results.
[ luckily for kaiser, as long as it looks fancy and visually appealing, riddle will most likely think it's delicious. subsisting on sweets and tea leaves one surprisingly easy to please when it comes to everything else since he has no freaking idea what anything is supposed to taste like. ]
I wouldn't have named him to begin with if not for your suggestion, but I see your point. Very well. I will take half the glory, and celebrate his new name by having him brew a cup of sweet & spicy tea.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Don't ??? me as if I'm pathetic! Not knowing how to cook has never inconvenienced me, so I've never seen a point in learning!
I don't want you to compromise your nutritional needs though, especially on my account, so fine. I will support your culinary endeavors in any way I can! Maybe we can even learn to cook together? It's hardly fair if I leave it to you *all* the time.
[ his Other Best Friend is a pro baker who drops off treats all the time so riddle won't request kaiser learn to bake sweets for him. unless it becomes a problem? will kaiser get jealous? god riddle hopes not. ]
It's hardly leeching if I offer, but I understand the desire to be a good guest. Very well.
no subject
youre very capable in general so i just figured you wouldnt have problems with anything in daily life...? which i guess is still the case if it hasnt ever inconvenienced you
[ as a food oriented boy, kaiser will never turn down free sweets. he will try to not seem overly eager for when dessert is dropped off, though, lest it send off the wrong message, kaiser knows that trope!!! ]
then, is there anything you want to eat but usually dont have the chance to
no subject
[ like, he literally cannot make anything outside of toxic smoking charred garbage, even his mother was so horrified she decided it was safer for humanity if she cut her losses and forbid him from the kitchen. ]
If I'm to be honest, I'm willing to try anything once within reason. Growing up, Mama only allowed me to eat unflavored oatmeal and vitamins in order to meet my exact caloric needs.
But, if I had to choose *one* thing... My absolute favorite food is strawberry tarts. I could eat them every day and never grow tired of them. Trey spoils me with them all the time.
What about you? Is there anything you haven't had the opportunity to try yet? Even if we don't cook it ourselves, having future restaurant ideas will be useful.
no subject
[ kaiser prefers not having enough food to only being able to eat unflavored oatmeal and vitamins? he hopes they were at least gummy vitamins for some fun and whimsy... if he'd known, he would've brought riddle snacks... ]
that was to the oatmeal situation not your cooking situation. youre so right you deserve to eat whatever you want for the rest of your life after only knowing the taste of oatmeal for years...
as for me... its nothing i havent tried yet but i want to bake bread from scratch someday... other than that, maybe paella?
no subject
[ no whimsy allowed in the rosehearts household, only being the height of a teenage girl forever. ]
I didn't think it was all that bad at first, but after tasting *real* food, I'm inclined to agree. I don't know what I'm going to do when I return home.
Excellent choices. I think you would be a very good baker. You have a keen eye for detail and take direction well (when you want to, anyway...), so the scientific aspect would be no problem for you. Paella looks delicious as well, but so does most Italian food. Once I learn how to boil pasta, I think even I could learn to make fettuccine.
[ he's not gonna bother mentioning bri'ish food, he knows their shit sucks...fucking spotted dick and unseasoned potatoes. what a joke. ]
no subject
you think so? i know nothing about baking so i will take your word for it
maybe i will become one of those people who takes up doing sourdough starters as a hobby over the summer
[ he says he doesn't know anything about baking, but he knows this about sourdough... bread isn't baking, perhaps, in his mind. bread is... everything. ]
i think i didnt exactly understand how dire the situation with your cooking is.
you can brew a nice cup of tea but not a pot of pasta...?
no subject
I know so, and I'm never wrong. Just start small. Boxed mixes and starter kits will do nicely. You'll gain experience you can generalize across other baked goods as you practice. Truly, you are destined for bread excellence...but do not forget to bake things for me too.
My infuser is very advanced, so it does everything for me. All I need to do is use the scooper, put the leaves in the basket, and select the tea from an app. It's extremely convenient! If only such a device existed for pasta...
[ of course he has one of those 500$ infusers shaped like something out of a science lab..... ]
no subject
is there anything you want to try, then?
ill build up my skills and make you something impressive eventually. strawberry pie? do people put strawberries in pies?
[ kaiser doesn't know people put anything in pies. ]
... so tea is okay because you basically have no input in making the tea after you put the leaves in... i see.
does your infuser have a name because i feel like it deserves it. its like your butler
no subject
You can't go wrong with strawberry pie, though! You can put just about any fruit in a pie, I wager! If you're feeling adventurous, I bet an orchard pie would be just the challenge you're looking for.
[ genuinely, riddle will eat anything as long as it's seasoned. ]
I suppose that's one way to look at it. It even adds milk, honey, or sugar according to my preferences as well, so it really does save a lot of time. With that in mind, you make a good point by comparing it to a butler... Without it, my mornings wouldn't be as smooth as they are.
What's an appropriate name for a butler? Sebastian? Thackery? Collinsworth?
[ these hideous-ass limey names. ]
no subject
i see... then i will try lots of different things and you tell me what you like more or less (you will like everything since i made it, right 🥺)
[ he's kidding. but also, there is a correct answer. ]
jeeves, i suppose, is the stereotypical one... but it lacks elegance to it. how about charles? [ after the butler from downton abbey... ]
he can even have a proper full name, charles collinsworth (bonus points for alliteration)
no subject
[ he trusts kaiser won't feed him, like, fried dirt or something, and that he isn't as cursed in the kitchen as he is, so everything should be fine!! ]
Jeeves sounds like something you would say when exasperated or angry. Charles Collinsworth, on the other hand, sounds perfect. It's modern but distinguished. I even tested it out by addressing him a moment ago, and it rolls off the tongue nicely.
Well done, Kaiser.
no subject
[ he will NOT! settle for a mere "won't dislike". everything will be liked!! kaiser will teach himself culinary standards purely for this mission. ]
it was a team effort, was it not?
mr. collinsworth would be without lineage if it werent for you, so lets split the credit on this one
no subject
[ luckily for kaiser, as long as it looks fancy and visually appealing, riddle will most likely think it's delicious. subsisting on sweets and tea leaves one surprisingly easy to please when it comes to everything else since he has no freaking idea what anything is supposed to taste like. ]
I wouldn't have named him to begin with if not for your suggestion, but I see your point. Very well. I will take half the glory, and celebrate his new name by having him brew a cup of sweet & spicy tea.
no subject
[ he's just kidding, he swears. :) ]
alright, i shall leave it in the capable hands of mr. collinsworth this time. be sure to give him a reward too
[ how does one reward a tea infuser? well, honestly, kaiser doesn't even know how to envision what it looks like, so who knows. ]