[ kaiser is almost tempted to be relieved when noa doesn't comment on his reaction, but he suspects in the back of his mind that he's about to be counterattacked, so he can't afford false hopes at the moment. pinning and clinging to noa had been advantageous to kaiser because it locked down what he could do substantially, but realistically, kaiser acknowledges that it's not something he could've ever maintained indefinitely — still, it's with a terse wariness that he lets noa rearrange their position. he scans his gaze up and down, openly on edge, as if he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.
noa kissing the crown on his hand makes kaiser want to die of cringe. the fact that this distracts him from noa putting his hand on his neck will later make him want to die without modifier attached. in the moment, though, kaiser freezes for a split second before he goes lax entirely, because some part of him is horribly used to this: somebody on top of him, straddling his body and making him feel physically so small, a hand on his neck so that he can't breathe properly, all he can do is go limp and try to let his mind wander elsewhere—
except, he realizes a heartbeat later, he can still breathe. then in the next, he's realized that he's missed the timing to hit noa with the dehabilitating comment of "choke me daddy"; at this point, it's going to come off as trying too hard, although kaiser might be overestimating how severe his reaction was to that. it's not exactly abnormal to be have a strong response to a hand on your neck, after all.
if this is some kind of test, kaiser isn't sure what the winning move is, but he won't panic over it. there's more tenseness in the motion than normal, but he lifts his free hand — and after stilling for a moment, as if tempted by the instinct to drag his fingers into noa's wrist and pull it away, he instead forces it to rest lightly on noa's thigh. ]
So... [ the pause is longer than usual too; normally, kaiser has a good pace on how to pause dramatically for emphasis. ] What am I supposed... to learn from this?
no subject
noa kissing the crown on his hand makes kaiser want to die of cringe. the fact that this distracts him from noa putting his hand on his neck will later make him want to die without modifier attached. in the moment, though, kaiser freezes for a split second before he goes lax entirely, because some part of him is horribly used to this: somebody on top of him, straddling his body and making him feel physically so small, a hand on his neck so that he can't breathe properly, all he can do is go limp and try to let his mind wander elsewhere—
except, he realizes a heartbeat later, he can still breathe. then in the next, he's realized that he's missed the timing to hit noa with the dehabilitating comment of "choke me daddy"; at this point, it's going to come off as trying too hard, although kaiser might be overestimating how severe his reaction was to that. it's not exactly abnormal to be have a strong response to a hand on your neck, after all.
if this is some kind of test, kaiser isn't sure what the winning move is, but he won't panic over it. there's more tenseness in the motion than normal, but he lifts his free hand — and after stilling for a moment, as if tempted by the instinct to drag his fingers into noa's wrist and pull it away, he instead forces it to rest lightly on noa's thigh. ]
So... [ the pause is longer than usual too; normally, kaiser has a good pace on how to pause dramatically for emphasis. ] What am I supposed... to learn from this?