[ noa just stares at the picture, completely expressionless, and after a few seconds makes a 'hrm' ]
Our age difference would be a bigger topic than the photo itself.
[ twelve year age gap with his boywife, would blow up as much as lamine yamal hanging out with a thirty year old influencer (she's 29! she asserts as if it makes a difference!) ]
Do you think so? But I have a hunch that plenty of people out there would blame me for it, not you... If that's what you're worried about.
[ it's kaiser's reputation, even though he isn't as flashy as he makes himself seem for the public. that is precisely why he cultivated the image in the first place! ]
I think we would both see judgment, in different ways.
[ for kaiser, they would judge him for not knowing better but also mock any instance they perceive as "special treatment" being because of their relationship. of course plenty would point out that the younger person shouldn't be held to the same level of responsibility as the older. noa knows he would get a lot of heat, because the bigger you are the harder you fall. ]
I'm not worried about anything, really. But I'm not interested in giving the media a reason to generate a scandal for clicks. It would just be a distraction, especially for my team.
[ he wouldn't be distracted because he's the world's strongest idgaf-er, but his team? the pr obsessed management? he does not want to deal with the headaches in would cause. ]
Well, then, give me a call when your team starts running hit pieces against you. I'll be happy to be part of the media distraction...
[ not "if" but "when"!! kaiser knows the falloff is inevitable! if m*ssi couldn't escape it, he has full faith noa will not either. ]
Don't worry, my reputation can take it. Besides, I think I could make it a worthwhile trade in the long-run.
[ he's kidding. but he's also serious. but he's also extra kidding! maybe the flan has put him in a good mood, he's even eaten it relatively quickly too. ]
Who else is going to visit you regularly in the retirement house to make sure that you haven't hung yourself out of boredom?
[ kaiser is the one who should probably be checked on a regular basis to make sure he isn't going to do something insane and irreversible, not noa, but whatever man! ]
Also, that might be true for now... but compared to you, I'm going to be far more accomplished and beloved by the world by the time I'm in my thirties. [ and noa can write that down! ]
You sound like Chris Prince. [ too far? it's kind of true though. ] And while I appreciate the concern, I'll be fine. Retirement will give me a chance to raise a borzoi like I've wanted to.
Ew. [ gross! kaiser makes a face. ] It's different. Chris Prince says that because he has a massive chip on his shoulder, but I say it because it's the fate I have to bear.
[ does this make sense? does it make it sound like kaiser has delusions of grandeur? far from it, actually, it's more of an expectation looming over his head like the sword of damocles.
he'll go visit to pet the borzoi and try to make it love him more than it loves noa... ]
[ his poor little german is still convinced he is the main character of this universe. meanwhile noa has accepted he is the villain to be smited! it's brought him great peace. ]
Come on, let's get you back home so you can dwell on your burdened fate in front of a mirror.
[ why does he say this? well, he is pretty sure he heard kaiser talking into his mirror from the guest bathroom a few years ago when they lived together during his recovery. ]
[ what's the point of reinforcing your self-gaslighting at night? it's most effective right after getting up! noa might not have asked, but isn't he glad to know that kaiser does, in fact, make an effort to construct the sequence of events that he goes through in a day to best align with the goal of getting better at kicking ball?
he won't do anything corny like make noa escort him, he's a big boy and can get up all on his own. he leaves the silverware and his napkin neatly placed, but without any over-courteous effort towards doing the waitstaff's job for them. as they leave the restaurant, though, he will ask— ]
Are you going to open the car door for me? [ germany's princess?? ]
[ oddly, yes, he does think a morning self-affirmation is ritual has a better flow for the rest of the day. however, kaiser should also complete a ritual for the evening where he evaluates his successes and his failures. this is important for well-rounded growth to set expectations in the morning and reflect on accomplishments and short-comings before bed. of course this is part of noa's rituals, except he doesn't do it in front of a mirror.
noa politely thanks the waiter and host as they leave, sweeping his eyes across the street to make sure there aren't any diehard fans waiting in the wings or reporters monitoring their movements. this restaurant is in a quieter part of the city, but he has been caught existing in 4k before! the coast seems clear though. ]
...Hm? [ he was momentarily distracted by his checks that he nearly missed that question. so he just blinks with a wide-eye stare, his brain taking a beat to process the request. ] Why should I?
[ (for a second, a terrible thought crosses his mind: open the door, but then promptly slam it in kaiser's face. or, rather, test if kaiser can make it through the short-window of opportunity to get into his seat before the slam. he thinks better of it because there are limits to how unhinged his little acts of horror toward kaiser can and should be. mostly, they should serve a real purpose and not "it would be funny to watch him scramble." ]
[ kaiser prefers to save the self-reflections for his days off, because he is mentally fragile and needs lots of time to process properly. if he had to reflect upon his short-comings every day, then his mind and heart would explode from the stress before long, if he doesn't die from chronic sleep deprivation-related causes first. he shall not be explaining any of this, of course. noa can believe that kaiser simply rots on his off days when he is actually rotting and contemplating. ]
Well, you said you were going to take me out properly like a proper gentleman would.
[ and yes, being able to catch noel noa off guard does put a little smile on kaiser's face and just a sprinkle of pep in his step. not many people can do that, he thinks it's fine to be satisfied and just a little proud of the fact that he does... he would also be satisfied if he knew that noa was thinking about inflicting random horror on him, though, so there is that. ]
It's simply how I imagined such an event would go.
[ so, like, he isn't saying he thinks noa should. but that it would be consistent with what noa claimed... ]
[ that little sound, indiscernible on its own, is the immediate reaction. something clicks behind his eyes, focus half-resting on kaiser, and he takes a longer stride in the next step to reach the passenger side door first. sure enough, he opens the door for kaiser and even dismisses that cruel little thought to toy with him for the hell of it.
he won't say an additional word or a boorish quip. instead he will hold it open until kaiser enters, and then shut it with a gentle slam before entering on the driver side. this is neither a magnanimous gesture, nor acquiescing to kaiser's request. noa did say he would take kaiser out properly. there were also other things said around that context he only recalled just now because of kaiser's little comment. ]
Anything else I should do, while I'm still being a proper gentleman for you?
[ kaiser isn't surprised that this compels noa the way he wanted it to, because he knows very well that noa is the type to keep his word and not say anything that he isn't prepared to follow up on. however, he gets a feeling when he sits at the passenger's seat, like there's a catch here somewhere and he hasn't yet seen where the trap is exactly — one that's confirmed when noa sits at the driver's seat and makes that comment.
in response, kaiser immediately turns his head to the side and stares at noa with his big ole bright blue eyes, looking eerily like the kind of ragdoll cat in those grooming videos that will soon need a happy hoodie put over him to keep him calm. ]
And what's that supposed to mean? Except for when you're being my rival, I think that you should always be a proper gentleman for me.
[ demands that kaiser knows will never be fulfilled... never let it be said that he doesn't take his shots, though. ]
[ for one, it would be a disingenuous act and they would new painfully aware of it in sync as it occurred. noa has basic manners as any person in society should, but he wouldn't label himself polite based off that alone. he is far away from the concept of a gentleman.
for another, kaiser doesn't take well to kindness. or rather, his contradictory nature is that he asks for it and becomes repulsed by the act of someone caring for him. there's a lot of layers a psychologist could dig into here, but noa is but a mere ball player with a passing interest in the human psyche. however, kaiser shouldn't get help or medicated because he's better at kicking the ball just the way he is. ]
Also, I'm always your rival. [ the car hums awake with the turn of a key and soon after noa is pulling out from his spot and getting on the road. ] It doesn't matter if we're on the pitch or not.
[ he is not like isagi who has a weird split personality disorder. noa is always insane, he just learned how to mask. ]
[ at least somebody respects it when kaiser says, "no. what if it makes me lose my sparkle?" whenever someone brings up the medication question. ]
Oh my, that's almost a romantic sentiment in its own way.
[ romantic in the sense that if the person who is hearing it is deranged in a way that's compatible with the person who is saying it, then both can be very satisfied at the conclusion. but not romantic in the conventional sense, no. ]
That makes me think that you perhaps think of me more often than I originally believed. [ do NOT! actually respond to that, because as noa has identified, kaiser enjoys the idea of being shown affection but hates actually experiencing it about 92% of the time. ] Alright, well, I return the feeling. For now, at least, while you remain the most deserving of it.
[ he forgot to follow up on his interrogation about what noa meant by his earlier comment. ]
[ "what if it stabilizes him? what if he starts developing real coping mechanisms? it will ruin him" and other very normal thoughts from noel noa.
noa wouldn't call it romantic, but he does understand what kaiser means and that he isn't expressing it in the conventional way. as has been known for a while, this is freak to freak communication and fittingly occurring during a car ride. he should start considering ideas for that ocean sunset view. barcelona isn't hurting for options, but he doesn't want to go somewhere crowded. he could ask his teammates, although that may invite questions he doesn't want to field. a thought for later. ]
And I feel the same. Don't think your position is so guaranteed.
[ the bad news for kaiser is there are still many talented strikers within his generation. the good news is kaiser is still noa's pet favorite by way of being his little experiment a few years back. this is also bad news however, because noa has never quite shaken the urge to subject kaiser to The Horrors.
he's also glad kaiser seems to have let his questioning around noa's little trap slip. it means he can go along their drive, which for the most part seems to be following the path back to kaiser's building. however, after a few minutes, noa shifts into a turning lane that goes distinctly off path. don't worry about it kitten. ]
[ kaiser isn't particularly worried about his position. he truly works so hard to be something that everybody loves to victimize.
case in point, noa drives past the turn to kaiser's place and a question mark almost visibly goes up over kaiser's head. ]
Am I getting abducted?
[ he shall refrain from reprising his joke about his parents telling him not to get into the cars of older men. it didn't seem to hit last time... even though kaiser thought it was so funny. ]
[ he could respond with a 'yes' or 'who can say?' or even a 'why did you think i called you out today?' instead he decides to be silent and keep driving, because it feels appropriately ominous. he has to slow down and halt for a stop light, which is when he deigns to speak. ]
I decided that the extent of being a gentleman to you ended with ushering you into the car.
[ maybe this just means that kaiser needs to work on his survival instincts, but he is inclined to simply see where this goes. could be funny. could be crazy. could be interesting. all of these are perfectly acceptable outcomes to kaiser! ]
Then I still haven't had the experience of being taken out properly by a gentleman. That would've ended with you walking me to my door and giving me a kiss on the cheek under the watchful eye of my father peering out the window.
[ they'll have to give it another go sometime, clearly. and kaiser is totally sane and normal and did not end up with some weird ideas of how normal lives are from watching too many movies. ]
[ he KNOWS it's a joke but this is also why the "not going into cars with strangers" comment was not funny either. kaiser's parents do not love him! anyway - the light changes and the drive continues, the busier streets fading out of view as they enter a quieter part of the city's edges. there's little sign of life here compared to the already deserted area where the restaurant was. ]
But since you reminded me of what I said, I think you should take a moment to recollect your own words too. Or should I provide you that?
In a pinch, Ray Dark can be my substitute parental figure.
[ surely he's in spain sometimes for pifa business and can spare a few moments for one of his favorite personal investments! this is important to kaiser remaining a strong personal investment.
anyways, let him ponder this for a few moments while staring out the window, passively taking in the sights. kaiser says a lot of things that he often ends up realizing were mistakes later, so he has to do a play by play. ]
Is this about doing it in the backseat in a pinch? I thought you didn't fuck before matches...
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no subject
Our age difference would be a bigger topic than the photo itself.
[ twelve year age gap with his boywife, would blow up as much as lamine yamal hanging out with a thirty year old influencer (she's 29! she asserts as if it makes a difference!) ]
no subject
Do you think so? But I have a hunch that plenty of people out there would blame me for it, not you... If that's what you're worried about.
[ it's kaiser's reputation, even though he isn't as flashy as he makes himself seem for the public. that is precisely why he cultivated the image in the first place! ]
no subject
[ for kaiser, they would judge him for not knowing better but also mock any instance they perceive as "special treatment" being because of their relationship. of course plenty would point out that the younger person shouldn't be held to the same level of responsibility as the older. noa knows he would get a lot of heat, because the bigger you are the harder you fall. ]
I'm not worried about anything, really. But I'm not interested in giving the media a reason to generate a scandal for clicks. It would just be a distraction, especially for my team.
[ he wouldn't be distracted because he's the world's strongest idgaf-er, but his team? the pr obsessed management? he does not want to deal with the headaches in would cause. ]
no subject
[ not "if" but "when"!! kaiser knows the falloff is inevitable! if m*ssi couldn't escape it, he has full faith noa will not either. ]
Don't worry, my reputation can take it. Besides, I think I could make it a worthwhile trade in the long-run.
[ he's kidding. but he's also serious. but he's also extra kidding! maybe the flan has put him in a good mood, he's even eaten it relatively quickly too. ]
no subject
Trade what? My post-career reputation for...? You don't have very much to offer me.
no subject
[ kaiser is the one who should probably be checked on a regular basis to make sure he isn't going to do something insane and irreversible, not noa, but whatever man! ]
Also, that might be true for now... but compared to you, I'm going to be far more accomplished and beloved by the world by the time I'm in my thirties. [ and noa can write that down! ]
no subject
You sound like Chris Prince. [ too far? it's kind of true though. ] And while I appreciate the concern, I'll be fine. Retirement will give me a chance to raise a borzoi like I've wanted to.
no subject
[ does this make sense? does it make it sound like kaiser has delusions of grandeur? far from it, actually, it's more of an expectation looming over his head like the sword of damocles.
he'll go visit to pet the borzoi and try to make it love him more than it loves noa... ]
no subject
[ his poor little german is still convinced he is the main character of this universe. meanwhile noa has accepted he is the villain to be smited! it's brought him great peace. ]
Come on, let's get you back home so you can dwell on your burdened fate in front of a mirror.
[ why does he say this? well, he is pretty sure he heard kaiser talking into his mirror from the guest bathroom a few years ago when they lived together during his recovery. ]
no subject
[ what's the point of reinforcing your self-gaslighting at night? it's most effective right after getting up! noa might not have asked, but isn't he glad to know that kaiser does, in fact, make an effort to construct the sequence of events that he goes through in a day to best align with the goal of getting better at kicking ball?
he won't do anything corny like make noa escort him, he's a big boy and can get up all on his own. he leaves the silverware and his napkin neatly placed, but without any over-courteous effort towards doing the waitstaff's job for them. as they leave the restaurant, though, he will ask— ]
Are you going to open the car door for me? [ germany's princess?? ]
no subject
noa politely thanks the waiter and host as they leave, sweeping his eyes across the street to make sure there aren't any diehard fans waiting in the wings or reporters monitoring their movements. this restaurant is in a quieter part of the city, but he has been caught existing in 4k before! the coast seems clear though. ]
...Hm? [ he was momentarily distracted by his checks that he nearly missed that question. so he just blinks with a wide-eye stare, his brain taking a beat to process the request. ] Why should I?
[ (for a second, a terrible thought crosses his mind: open the door, but then promptly slam it in kaiser's face. or, rather, test if kaiser can make it through the short-window of opportunity to get into his seat before the slam. he thinks better of it because there are limits to how unhinged his little acts of horror toward kaiser can and should be. mostly, they should serve a real purpose and not "it would be funny to watch him scramble." ]
no subject
Well, you said you were going to take me out properly like a proper gentleman would.
[ and yes, being able to catch noel noa off guard does put a little smile on kaiser's face and just a sprinkle of pep in his step. not many people can do that, he thinks it's fine to be satisfied and just a little proud of the fact that he does... he would also be satisfied if he knew that noa was thinking about inflicting random horror on him, though, so there is that. ]
It's simply how I imagined such an event would go.
[ so, like, he isn't saying he thinks noa should. but that it would be consistent with what noa claimed... ]
no subject
[ that little sound, indiscernible on its own, is the immediate reaction. something clicks behind his eyes, focus half-resting on kaiser, and he takes a longer stride in the next step to reach the passenger side door first. sure enough, he opens the door for kaiser and even dismisses that cruel little thought to toy with him for the hell of it.
he won't say an additional word or a boorish quip. instead he will hold it open until kaiser enters, and then shut it with a gentle slam before entering on the driver side. this is neither a magnanimous gesture, nor acquiescing to kaiser's request. noa did say he would take kaiser out properly. there were also other things said around that context he only recalled just now because of kaiser's little comment. ]
Anything else I should do, while I'm still being a proper gentleman for you?
[ because the moment that ends? well! well. ]
no subject
in response, kaiser immediately turns his head to the side and stares at noa with his big ole bright blue eyes, looking eerily like the kind of ragdoll cat in those grooming videos that will soon need a happy hoodie put over him to keep him calm. ]
And what's that supposed to mean? Except for when you're being my rival, I think that you should always be a proper gentleman for me.
[ demands that kaiser knows will never be fulfilled... never let it be said that he doesn't take his shots, though. ]
no subject
[ for one, it would be a disingenuous act and they would new painfully aware of it in sync as it occurred. noa has basic manners as any person in society should, but he wouldn't label himself polite based off that alone. he is far away from the concept of a gentleman.
for another, kaiser doesn't take well to kindness. or rather, his contradictory nature is that he asks for it and becomes repulsed by the act of someone caring for him. there's a lot of layers a psychologist could dig into here, but noa is but a mere ball player with a passing interest in the human psyche. however, kaiser shouldn't get help or medicated because he's better at kicking the ball just the way he is. ]
Also, I'm always your rival. [ the car hums awake with the turn of a key and soon after noa is pulling out from his spot and getting on the road. ] It doesn't matter if we're on the pitch or not.
[ he is not like isagi who has a weird split personality disorder. noa is always insane, he just learned how to mask. ]
no subject
Oh my, that's almost a romantic sentiment in its own way.
[ romantic in the sense that if the person who is hearing it is deranged in a way that's compatible with the person who is saying it, then both can be very satisfied at the conclusion. but not romantic in the conventional sense, no. ]
That makes me think that you perhaps think of me more often than I originally believed. [ do NOT! actually respond to that, because as noa has identified, kaiser enjoys the idea of being shown affection but hates actually experiencing it about 92% of the time. ] Alright, well, I return the feeling. For now, at least, while you remain the most deserving of it.
[ he forgot to follow up on his interrogation about what noa meant by his earlier comment. ]
no subject
noa wouldn't call it romantic, but he does understand what kaiser means and that he isn't expressing it in the conventional way. as has been known for a while, this is freak to freak communication and fittingly occurring during a car ride. he should start considering ideas for that ocean sunset view. barcelona isn't hurting for options, but he doesn't want to go somewhere crowded. he could ask his teammates, although that may invite questions he doesn't want to field. a thought for later. ]
And I feel the same. Don't think your position is so guaranteed.
[ the bad news for kaiser is there are still many talented strikers within his generation. the good news is kaiser is still noa's pet favorite by way of being his little experiment a few years back. this is also bad news however, because noa has never quite shaken the urge to subject kaiser to The Horrors.
he's also glad kaiser seems to have let his questioning around noa's little trap slip. it means he can go along their drive, which for the most part seems to be following the path back to kaiser's building. however, after a few minutes, noa shifts into a turning lane that goes distinctly off path. don't worry about it kitten. ]
no subject
case in point, noa drives past the turn to kaiser's place and a question mark almost visibly goes up over kaiser's head. ]
Am I getting abducted?
[ he shall refrain from reprising his joke about his parents telling him not to get into the cars of older men. it didn't seem to hit last time... even though kaiser thought it was so funny. ]
no subject
I decided that the extent of being a gentleman to you ended with ushering you into the car.
no subject
Then I still haven't had the experience of being taken out properly by a gentleman. That would've ended with you walking me to my door and giving me a kiss on the cheek under the watchful eye of my father peering out the window.
[ they'll have to give it another go sometime, clearly. and kaiser is totally sane and normal and did not end up with some weird ideas of how normal lives are from watching too many movies. ]
no subject
[ he KNOWS it's a joke but this is also why the "not going into cars with strangers" comment was not funny either. kaiser's parents do not love him! anyway - the light changes and the drive continues, the busier streets fading out of view as they enter a quieter part of the city's edges. there's little sign of life here compared to the already deserted area where the restaurant was. ]
But since you reminded me of what I said, I think you should take a moment to recollect your own words too. Or should I provide you that?
no subject
[ surely he's in spain sometimes for pifa business and can spare a few moments for one of his favorite personal investments! this is important to kaiser remaining a strong personal investment.
anyways, let him ponder this for a few moments while staring out the window, passively taking in the sights. kaiser says a lot of things that he often ends up realizing were mistakes later, so he has to do a play by play. ]
Is this about doing it in the backseat in a pinch? I thought you didn't fuck before matches...