Yeah, I know, with your two and a half hour bathroom routine. What takes you so long in there, I wonder?
[ in kaiser's opinion, it's closer to 2.5 hours than 2 hours. does that matter? who knows. also he doesn't know about how you shouldn't ask a woman these things. ]
Hurts my feelings, you know. [ he's snickering because... well, no, it doesn't. ] Someday I'm going to have to piss while you're staked out in there, then what?
And I have to thank you now, because I won't feel like doing it at the time of. I'm cashing in my gratitude now so you can't say I forgot later. [ does that make sense. ] Do you prefer it if I piss on you while we're fucking so we don't have to resolve that later? Genuinely asking.
[ sae needs to be nice to him for a while, because kaiser made an active choice to audibly stifle a laugh and pretend to cough instead, not say some variation on "that's hot", and be so astoundingly normal about all of this which is, dare i say, not normal. ]
So, anyway, don't tweet in that fucking hashtag and we'll call it even?
( sae is a normal guy so this is also totally normal? obviously. )
... ( the way kaiser just skips over it is embarrassing, too????? sae opens his mouth to tell him to forget it, then closes it again. whatever. WHATEVER. )
Do you want to know what the other tweet idea I had was?
[ ugh, so ugly of the camera to ignore the fact that kairin were clearly full on making out with tongue and all offscreen while isagi was doing his top trio whatever. ]
I can't help that the media assumes anybody close enough in age to me whom I get within an arm's length of must be having sex with me. [ he isn't. but. yeah. ] I'd actually like it if they'd cool down on that too, believe it or not.
( have some respect for the troops damn... he even broke out the big guns... )
Must be the, what'd you call it, again? European whorishness? ( something along these lines. ) If anything, I thought you'd be enjoying the attention. No publicity is bad publicity, and all.
You know what they call me, you know. [ the blue rose, not an f slur. shifting into his showboat voice: ] "I make the impossible possible...!"
[ okay, maybe implicitly admitting that he does tryhard on his outward-facing persona just a bit. in his normal voice: ] Guess it just can't be helped when you're as hot as I am, alas.
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( he hates it + hates he actually wants to see kaiser now!! die!! )
I don't think you have it in you for act 4. Besides, I'm usually busy afterwards. ( ??
he locks himself up in the bathroom for two hours so no cuddling. )
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[ in kaiser's opinion, it's closer to 2.5 hours than 2 hours. does that matter? who knows. also he doesn't know about how you shouldn't ask a woman these things. ]
Hurts my feelings, you know. [ he's snickering because... well, no, it doesn't. ] Someday I'm going to have to piss while you're staked out in there, then what?
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( STAY out of women's business!!
anyway, i was going to say something really vile but held myself back so please thank me. )
I dunno. If you beg nicely, I guess I'll let you in for a minute or two.
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[ was it that kind of vile or a different kind. NOT that it is relevant since they have safe sex <3 ]
... Ah. Well, thanks in advance, Sae Itoshi, for the privilege of being able to piss. So generous of you.
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( sort of but like, three times WORSE. also yeah sure! )
Don't thank me yet. Now that I think about it, hearing you whine about it might be kind of funny.
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[ say no more. i think i understand. ]
And I have to thank you now, because I won't feel like doing it at the time of. I'm cashing in my gratitude now so you can't say I forgot later. [ does that make sense. ] Do you prefer it if I piss on you while we're fucking so we don't have to resolve that later? Genuinely asking.
[ GENUINELY asking. ]
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( IS ALL HE'S GONNA SAY. IS ALL I'M GONNA SAY. I'M TEARING UP AT WORK )
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Ah— Okay.
[ sae needs to be nice to him for a while, because kaiser made an active choice to audibly stifle a laugh and pretend to cough instead, not say some variation on "that's hot", and be so astoundingly normal about all of this which is, dare i say, not normal. ]
So, anyway, don't tweet in that fucking hashtag and we'll call it even?
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... ( the way kaiser just skips over it is embarrassing, too????? sae opens his mouth to tell him to forget it, then closes it again. whatever. WHATEVER. )
Do you want to know what the other tweet idea I had was?
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... Alright, fine, hit me with it.
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Okay, something like "the way #kaisagi synergize on field makes me think Kaiser could potentially become Isagi's midfielder."
( GET IT? )
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[ UGHHHHH... he is NOT assisting isagi, he would rather KILL HIMSELF with isagi's two metaphorical guns. ]
Can't you tweet about how you think #kaisae would be a superior combination instead? Hmph. [ yeah, he actually audibly harrumphed. ]
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( what's next? #kairin? you already scissored on the pitch smh. )
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I can't help that the media assumes anybody close enough in age to me whom I get within an arm's length of must be having sex with me. [ he isn't. but. yeah. ] I'd actually like it if they'd cool down on that too, believe it or not.
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Must be the, what'd you call it, again? European whorishness? ( something along these lines. ) If anything, I thought you'd be enjoying the attention. No publicity is bad publicity, and all.
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[ it just gives him weird mixed feelings that he doesn't want to delve into is all! ]
I don't like the assumption that my standards aren't particularly high, I suppose.
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( like making a marriage plan w/ sae itoshi, of all people... )
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[ okay, maybe implicitly admitting that he does tryhard on his outward-facing persona just a bit. in his normal voice: ] Guess it just can't be helped when you're as hot as I am, alas.
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( no idea about other people. whatever! back to abusing kaiser to feel better. )
Is that what it is? I think it's the showmanship, personally. The chin grab with Isagi probably doomed you, you know.
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[ do not argue with his deranged logic. ]
Maybe he actually has a real crush on me?
[ ... ]
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It looked like you had a crush on him, moron.
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[ ....... ]
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( smfh )
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[ let him think about this for a few moments. ]
Think I'll kill myself later, wanna join?
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( :/ )
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