[ unfortunately, ness was trying to do that thing where, if you want to find out if a girl is a lesbian, you ask her if she thinks kristen stewart is gay, and if they say yes, the girl is gay, if they say no, they're straight etc etc. but kaiser didn't give him an answer about what he thinks of nagi - well, he actually gave him something worse.
so nagi and reo are/were a thing, but nagi cheated(?), and that's why they're not together now(??). that's really depressing. extra sad when you were projecting on one of them.
and... ness isn't blind. he knows kaiser is unattached and he easily flirts (and likely more) with other people. it never really bothered him despite how jealous he is because ness has always valued kaiser's heart above his body, and as long as he doesn't catch kaiser sighing and wistfully looking into the distance, he doesn't really care what he does as long as he's happy.
although now it clicks, why kaiser said that thing about how cheaters should die. he takes his own shoes off and joins him against the wall. ]
[ "i wish his heart were mine but it's fine if his dick and hole are open territory" is a crazy take but i blame BM for this one, because if you think about this with only rationality and absolutely no emotion, it begins to make some kind of sense? ]
He'd be dead if he did that to me. But since it didn't happen to me, it's not my business.
[ it's up to the victim, basically. who is he to judge... well, that's a lie, kaiser definitely did judge the fact that reo is willing to take nagi back a little. especially after witnessing the nagireo stock crash in realtime and knowing for a fact those are ALL nagi L's. ]
... What were we talking about again?
[ he feels like??? there was something ness wanted to get at, and they may have detoured because kaiser subconsciously pulled them in the "do you think cheaters deserve the death penalty?" direction. praise his social graces. ]
[ if ness started being jealous of the people that want kaiser because he's hot the list would never end; and it's not like ness is a saint - if he were dating kaiser he'd care about those things, of course, and then he'd absolutely break the nose of anyone that even looks at kaiser with filth in their minds. but as things are right now, he doesn't think he has a say.
thankfully they have nagi and reo to work as a proxy. ]
...I think if anyone cheated on you, they definitely deserve to die.
[ they were gossiping about others, but this statement had to be made. ]
[ kaiser exhales audibly at that — not quite a laugh, maybe something close enough. then he leans over, pulls his knees up and props his hands on top of them, and puts his head on ness's shoulder — very delicately for a few moments before he relaxes and rests his weight in somewhat. ]
Yes, I know.
[ that people who would cheat on him should die, and that ness thinks this too. ]
But we're not talking about that, right?
[ they're talking about the totally different scenario of nagi and reo's different situationship, which is different from anything going on here. did i mention yet that it's different. ]
[ his body tenses for a second when kaiser leans on him, then he forces himself to relax to not make it unpleasant, at least. ]
Right.
[ he doesn't look at him, even though he wants to. he idly picks at a thread from the blanket instead. ]
Maybe Reo Mikage isn't a coward, but... he's definitely an idiot. He was together with Nagi, right? But he still let it end... [ ugh. ] I think at that point I'd want nothing more than to throw myself off a building. But I also understand wanting to be near the person you love no matter how humiliating or pathetic it may seem to others.
[ ... what is he supposed to say to all of this... it's not like kaiser is completely oblivious and has zero inkling of the fact that ness is finding this #relatable on multiple levels. maybe it would be better if he did, in the sense that then he could just run his mouth without hesitation. ]
Are you worried? You shouldn't, you have better taste than that rich kid.
[ *indirectly praises himself to deflect* ]
... You get so pessimistic sometimes. Where exactly does your confidence disappear off to?
[ maybe the dog allegations are wrong after all, because kaiser doesn't understand why ness can't go and fetch it back really fast. girl stop being mentally unstable, kaiser is too busy also being mentally unstable. ]
[ kaiser forgets ness is an emotional, violent little creature that only bows down to him, so he shouldn't want to be the target of his insanity. kaiser makes him happy, and if he seems calm and subdued it's only because he's like a dog showing his belly in submission.
he does smile when his taste is complimented, though. of course kaiser is top tier taste. also a little mortified that kaiser probably knows he's talking about himself. he laughs a little. ]
I'm confident on the pitch. I know I won't disappoint you there. That's what matters, right?
[ well yes, because kaiser sees ness as his cute and questionably trained attack pomeranian whereas everybody else sees ness as that dog in the "he doesn't bite" meme.
also what is he supposed to say to that too! ness isn't exactly right or wrong to say that and should know that even if kaiser disagrees anywhere at in his mind that all that matters is The Game, he would never express that out loud because the "i NEED to be SO fucking good at soccer it makes EVERYBODY ELSE MISERABLE!" part of his mind is so much overwhelmingly larger.
well, ness hasn't gotten his *pats you on the head* today, so fine. he'll throw a bone. ]
Alright, then don't let me down. You're the only one I can count on.
[ were it not for his toxic codependent tendencies, he maybe could have phrased that better, but hey. it's a solid "counting on you", right?! ]
[ he laughs?? what a weird hill to die on. but he's relieved to hear kaiser thinks they're not too similar. and this is... nice. kaiser holding his knees and resting his head on him, vulnerable in a way he'll never allow anyone to see... it truly feels like a privilege. ]
You're right. If we were them... I'd never cheat, and I would never break up with you.
[ ness knows very well that kaiser is fucked up in the head, so he's just not sure he can believe that's ever true and surely everybody has their breaking point. but... he supposes........ he could believe that from ness more than anybody else. so.
he lifts his head up and leans in. if it looks like he's about to do Something Else, well. he's never done it before and ness should be used to that. instead, he slightly wrinkles his nose and reaches out to pinch ness's cheek before settling back how he was before. hmph... ]
Yeah, I know you wouldn't.
[ EEWWWWWWW he needs to do a salt rinse before bed. he makes a sound like an angry little cat sneeze. fucked up that ness MADE HIM say this AGAINST his own will!! ]
[ his heart does stop for a second when he leans in like that, but the pinch startles him back into awareness. he makes a noise, easily obscured by kaiser's angy cat sneeze, reaching to touch his cheek, wondering if he did something wrong, but… when he looks at him through the corner of his eye, he can tell kaiser isn't upset.
at least not at him. or at least not for this.
but, maybe… ]
. . .
[ he's quiet for a second, wondering if he's reading this wrong, but… the worst that could happen doesn't seem like it would right now (kaiser hating him forever). he looks away from him again, and takes a deep breath. ]
[ it says a lot that "can i" and not "may i" is the objectively correct phrasing here. i don't know, CAN he? is a legitimate concern here and not a weird neg... anyway, kaiser was not baiting anything in particular out of ness so much as he was using ness to have a stream of consciousness sort of contemplation on why the nagireo situation clearly hit a nerve in him. but he isn't opposed to this either? he supposes?? ness knows kaiser only knows what he wants when it comes to soccer and outside of that, he should be happy if kaiser has a fully formed want in his mind almost half of the time.
that said, his expression as he sits up and turns to look at ness is certainly one of a precocious pet who's just been given a new treat or toy and hasn't decided whether or not it can trust your taste, even if it has liked every other treat or toy you've given it before. ]
Okay. [ ugh... he's trusting ness is not metaphorically feeding him some trash new cat food brand. ] Want me to close my eyes?
[ there's no winning with that one, kaiser is mentally going to call ness an f slur no matter what he answers. ]
[ lucky for kaiser, ness loves his haughty, prickly, frizzled cat with all his heart. he's so endeared to his crazy ways even if they hurt, because through all the insanity, kaiser is still the only one warm to him, and frankly, the only one who isn't either scared or dismissive towards ness.
kaiser should also know there's no winning against him, so frankly whatever ness replies to that won't make a difference because kaiser will do as he wants. he turns his body a little to face him better, gently placing his hands on his shoulders. ]
Please. [ also: ] And stop talking.
[ okay he knows that was kind of rude but kaiser truly needs to shut up for this to work....... like for once in his life... ]
[ kaiser rolls his eyes before closing them because him not talking is supposed to be a natural consequence of kissing? so unless ness severely flubs it up... yes, sure?
he'll even lean in and tilt his face obligingly... he's watched movies, he knows how this goes. you can learn all these things through movies, trust. both of them totally know what they're doing right now.
so have at it loverboy... we are all cheering for him...... ness hasn't had a single w in ages, i think this could be it for him! ]
[ kaiser is such a dick about everything even when he shouldn't have to?? ness won't ever make fun of him, so why is he rolling his eyes?? but it's fine, because he knows this is a privilege and he'll treat it as one.
in his head, he's done this many times before. his fantasies are usually kaiser forcing himself on him (don't ask) instead of him having to wrestle with psychic powers and reading kaiser's mind to find out if it's even okay to ask, but the result is still positive, and he can't believe he even agreed.
he tilts his head the opposite way, closing his eyes and gently pressing his lips against kaiser's. it's a very chaste kiss that he doesn't dare turn into anything more out of fear that he won't be able to contain himself, but it still feels like everything to ness. if he were to get brutally murdered for kissing michael kaiser at this very moment, he could honestly say he died happy. ]
[ well yes, and why can't ness simply read his mind? hmph...!
anyway, the kiss is sweet, it's cute in a way... it's comfortable, kaiser supposes? in the way that being around ness is more relaxing to him than either being by himself or in front of anybody else, it's comfortable. at the same time, it's zeroing in his vocabulary on words that will make the itoshi brothers come after him for copyright infringement if he says them out loud.
kaiser did implicitly agree to keeping his mouth shut, so he's not going to say anything. instead, he leans in further, placing one of his hands on the bed across ness's lap and pulling away for a moment to brace himself before returning that with a kiss that's heavier without being much deeper, almost a bit smothering. because chaste is cute and sweet and comfy and all that... but it fails to get kaiser's synapses firing the way he wants them to be, though, he wants a stronger stimulus than that. ]
[ all he wanted was the experience, good or bad, just so he could tell himself after this that no matter what happens, he locked lips with michael kaiser so nothing could ever bring him down. but in doing so he was pushing his own selfishness; he didn't really care if kaiser would like it or not - in his head, he had already assumed the worst, which is indifference, so when he pulls away the first time he's not surprised.
before he even gets to ride his high, however, kaiser pushes into another kiss in a more desperate way, and ness' eyes fly open. his hands hover away from his shoulders for a moment, then back on them, unsure of just how to react, but unfortunately... this does cause something inside him to snap.
he opts for pushing on his shoulders as he kisses him back, forcing him down onto the mattress, parting his lips to deepen the kiss this time. he knows he might regret pinning him down like this; ness is aware of his own tendency to take a mile when given an inch, but he can't help it. he can't stop himself without an explicit order... ]
[ kaiser has known that ness tends to be emotional since the day they met, since meeting a person when he's on the ground and the verge of tears, all his dreams about to visibly shatter in his expression certainly leaves an impression, even if you're not much of an empathizer. he also could've guessed at that point that ness has a slight tendency to not pick the fights he could win when the stakes are high, but it wasn't until later that he realized ness also has a tendency to pick low-stakes fights that he really shouldn't. all of these tendencies somehow convalesced in the last, what, three minutes?
his reaction to being pushed down comes a few moments afterwards: he bites down on ness's lower lip, hard but only for a split second before he puts his palm to ness's upper chest and pushes him away slightly. yet his fingers curl into ness's shirt as well, not letting him get too far away — a controlled distance, precisely locked down with a sense of poise to it. ]
... Do you know what you're doing? [ well, probably not — to either of them, really. ] Better fucking commit if you're going for it. God gives second chances, but I don't.
[ how can he say something so cringe with a straight face??? thankfully ness is in love so his words actually hit him properly and don't make him laugh like they would a sane person. he looks at him and his bright, clear eyes, pinned right under him, and feels a slight chill as he draws in slow breaths. ]
...I— I don't know what I'm doing. But I know that I would never forgive myself if I didn't try it.
[ but with that hand on his chest, he can't close the distance again on his own... how frustrating. ]
I always hold back around you, Kaiser, and if you ask me to control myself, I will, but... I can't do it on my own...
[ he's staring up at ness, gaze steady, his pupils slightly contracted — everything about his body language, limited as it is, suggests that ness can be on top of him physically, but he still feels like he's the one on top in any way that actually matters. ]
You can't do anything that I don't want you to.
[ sane and normal thing to say. in one way, the sentiment is a shackle; yet in another, it could be freedom — the freedom of knowing that in a sense, kaiser takes ownership of anything that happens. that's the sort of price you should pay when somebody is willing to treat your victories as their own, he thinks: the willingness to take responsibility for everything in turn, whatever "everything" ends up entailing. ]
Or, what? Want me to push you down instead? [ he stops pushing upwards, but doesn't take his hand away. ] Say something. Or do something. Or...
[ kaiser is right, as always. those words are freedom for ness rather than a constriction, because he's right - if he were doing anything kaiser didn't want, he'd be bludgeoned to death. so this means— ah.
he feels the shove at his chest relent. after those reassuring words, his breath slows down, his anxiety slowly shrinking with each fraction of a second that passes quietly between them.
it's... not easy to love someone like kaiser. it's not easy to know it's always going to be one-sided, and that even at its best, all he could ever hope for is pity. he can tell himself at least their friendship is mutual to keep himself sane.
kaiser is self-destructive, and he enjoys it when his tendencies are indulged as well; ness knows this, and it could be the ace under his sleeve, except... he doesn't want to hurt kaiser. kaiser keeps approaching people like isagi (and who knows who else) to push himself to the limit at the cost of his own well-being - people that look like they could hurt him. and what has that gotten him? he always ends up unhappier than ever. ness hates seeing him like that. he hates watching him chase after others when he knows they'll only give kaiser temporary happiness because the truth is none of them care about him at all. and they should care. they should be honored.
he moves a hand carefully away from his shoulder, touching the side of his face instead to move away a few stray strands of hair from his face.
kaiser doesn't want this. kaiser doesn't want to know someone genuinely loves him and wants to be happy with him. kaiser doesn't want anything soft... but just as he said, ness can't help himself. he cups the side of his face, brushing his thumb gently over his skin. he can't ever say the most obvious part out loud, even if it's not a secret. so he opts for the second best thing, leaning down to kiss him again - slow, deeper, as if this were the first and last time - because for all he knows, it just might be. ]
[ when your biggest shooter is also your most accurate hater at the same time... ough...
still, it isn't as if ness is wrong about any of that. if anything, that ness understands him well without kaiser having to say what he's thinking in so many words is something that kaiser likes about him very much. another thing that kaiser likes about ness, for whatever it says about the kind of person he is: he likes that ness knows what kaiser can and can't do for him. because in kaiser's world, this is clearly a matter of capability rather than willingness, and it's not important whether or not he wants to loved sincerely when he's convinced that he isn't meant for that in the first place.
this is why being around ness is comfortable to kaiser — why he's willing to touch and perhaps even be affectionate towards ness every now and again, and receive the same in turn — but maybe that works against ness more than it works in his favor. ness can't do anything kaiser doesn't want, after all.
he tilts his face into ness's touch — that means some of the stray strands of hair just come tumbling back down moments after. and as ness leans in to kiss him again, he lifts up his other arm to hook around ness's neck, the crook of his elbow bumping up against the back of his head. not quite holding him there, but also not letting him get too far away. this time, kaiser keeps his eyes open, gaze fixed intently on what of ness's expression he can see at such close quarters. ]
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no subject
so nagi and reo are/were a thing, but nagi cheated(?), and that's why they're not together now(??). that's really depressing. extra sad when you were projecting on one of them.
and... ness isn't blind. he knows kaiser is unattached and he easily flirts (and likely more) with other people. it never really bothered him despite how jealous he is because ness has always valued kaiser's heart above his body, and as long as he doesn't catch kaiser sighing and wistfully looking into the distance, he doesn't really care what he does as long as he's happy.
although now it clicks, why kaiser said that thing about how cheaters should die. he takes his own shoes off and joins him against the wall. ]
So you think he should die for what he did?
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He'd be dead if he did that to me. But since it didn't happen to me, it's not my business.
[ it's up to the victim, basically. who is he to judge... well, that's a lie, kaiser definitely did judge the fact that reo is willing to take nagi back a little. especially after witnessing the nagireo stock crash in realtime and knowing for a fact those are ALL nagi L's. ]
... What were we talking about again?
[ he feels like??? there was something ness wanted to get at, and they may have detoured because kaiser subconsciously pulled them in the "do you think cheaters deserve the death penalty?" direction. praise his social graces. ]
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thankfully they have nagi and reo to work as a proxy. ]
...I think if anyone cheated on you, they definitely deserve to die.
[ they were gossiping about others, but this statement had to be made. ]
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Yes, I know.
[ that people who would cheat on him should die, and that ness thinks this too. ]
But we're not talking about that, right?
[ they're talking about the totally different scenario of nagi and reo's different situationship, which is different from anything going on here. did i mention yet that it's different. ]
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Right.
[ he doesn't look at him, even though he wants to. he idly picks at a thread from the blanket instead. ]
Maybe Reo Mikage isn't a coward, but... he's definitely an idiot. He was together with Nagi, right? But he still let it end... [ ugh. ] I think at that point I'd want nothing more than to throw myself off a building. But I also understand wanting to be near the person you love no matter how humiliating or pathetic it may seem to others.
no subject
Are you worried? You shouldn't, you have better taste than that rich kid.
[ *indirectly praises himself to deflect* ]
... You get so pessimistic sometimes. Where exactly does your confidence disappear off to?
[ maybe the dog allegations are wrong after all, because kaiser doesn't understand why ness can't go and fetch it back really fast. girl stop being mentally unstable, kaiser is too busy also being mentally unstable. ]
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he does smile when his taste is complimented, though. of course kaiser is top tier taste. also a little mortified that kaiser probably knows he's talking about himself. he laughs a little. ]
I'm confident on the pitch. I know I won't disappoint you there. That's what matters, right?
[ right...? ]
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also what is he supposed to say to that too! ness isn't exactly right or wrong to say that and should know that even if kaiser disagrees anywhere at in his mind that all that matters is The Game, he would never express that out loud because the "i NEED to be SO fucking good at soccer it makes EVERYBODY ELSE MISERABLE!" part of his mind is so much overwhelmingly larger.
well, ness hasn't gotten his *pats you on the head* today, so fine. he'll throw a bone. ]
Alright, then don't let me down. You're the only one I can count on.
[ were it not for his toxic codependent tendencies, he maybe could have phrased that better, but hey. it's a solid "counting on you", right?! ]
no subject
...Do you think we're like Reo and Nagi?
[ whatever that means? other than f slurs. ]
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[ he doesn't know that they were introduced second in the narrative :( ]
... Maybe superficially, a bit? But not especially, no.
[ most importantly: kaiser doesn't think anybody can possibly be like him, so obviously no other duo can be like them! pfeh! ]
no subject
You're right. If we were them... I'd never cheat, and I would never break up with you.
[ so, there. ]
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he lifts his head up and leans in. if it looks like he's about to do Something Else, well. he's never done it before and ness should be used to that. instead, he slightly wrinkles his nose and reaches out to pinch ness's cheek before settling back how he was before. hmph... ]
Yeah, I know you wouldn't.
[ EEWWWWWWW he needs to do a salt rinse before bed. he makes a sound like an angry little cat sneeze. fucked up that ness MADE HIM say this AGAINST his own will!! ]
We can stop talking about them, you know.
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at least not at him. or at least not for this.
but, maybe… ]
. . .
[ he's quiet for a second, wondering if he's reading this wrong, but… the worst that could happen doesn't seem like it would right now (kaiser hating him forever). he looks away from him again, and takes a deep breath. ]
Kaiser. Can I kiss you?
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that said, his expression as he sits up and turns to look at ness is certainly one of a precocious pet who's just been given a new treat or toy and hasn't decided whether or not it can trust your taste, even if it has liked every other treat or toy you've given it before. ]
Okay. [ ugh... he's trusting ness is not metaphorically feeding him some trash new cat food brand. ] Want me to close my eyes?
[ there's no winning with that one, kaiser is mentally going to call ness an f slur no matter what he answers. ]
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kaiser should also know there's no winning against him, so frankly whatever ness replies to that won't make a difference because kaiser will do as he wants. he turns his body a little to face him better, gently placing his hands on his shoulders. ]
Please. [ also: ] And stop talking.
[ okay he knows that was kind of rude but kaiser truly needs to shut up for this to work....... like for once in his life... ]
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he'll even lean in and tilt his face obligingly... he's watched movies, he knows how this goes. you can learn all these things through movies, trust. both of them totally know what they're doing right now.
so have at it loverboy... we are all cheering for him...... ness hasn't had a single w in ages, i think this could be it for him! ]
no subject
in his head, he's done this many times before. his fantasies are usually kaiser forcing himself on him (don't ask) instead of him having to wrestle with psychic powers and reading kaiser's mind to find out if it's even okay to ask, but the result is still positive, and he can't believe he even agreed.
he tilts his head the opposite way, closing his eyes and gently pressing his lips against kaiser's. it's a very chaste kiss that he doesn't dare turn into anything more out of fear that he won't be able to contain himself, but it still feels like everything to ness. if he were to get brutally murdered for kissing michael kaiser at this very moment, he could honestly say he died happy. ]
no subject
anyway, the kiss is sweet, it's cute in a way... it's comfortable, kaiser supposes? in the way that being around ness is more relaxing to him than either being by himself or in front of anybody else, it's comfortable. at the same time, it's zeroing in his vocabulary on words that will make the itoshi brothers come after him for copyright infringement if he says them out loud.
kaiser did implicitly agree to keeping his mouth shut, so he's not going to say anything. instead, he leans in further, placing one of his hands on the bed across ness's lap and pulling away for a moment to brace himself before returning that with a kiss that's heavier without being much deeper, almost a bit smothering. because chaste is cute and sweet and comfy and all that... but it fails to get kaiser's synapses firing the way he wants them to be, though, he wants a stronger stimulus than that. ]
no subject
before he even gets to ride his high, however, kaiser pushes into another kiss in a more desperate way, and ness' eyes fly open. his hands hover away from his shoulders for a moment, then back on them, unsure of just how to react, but unfortunately... this does cause something inside him to snap.
he opts for pushing on his shoulders as he kisses him back, forcing him down onto the mattress, parting his lips to deepen the kiss this time. he knows he might regret pinning him down like this; ness is aware of his own tendency to take a mile when given an inch, but he can't help it. he can't stop himself without an explicit order... ]
no subject
his reaction to being pushed down comes a few moments afterwards: he bites down on ness's lower lip, hard but only for a split second before he puts his palm to ness's upper chest and pushes him away slightly. yet his fingers curl into ness's shirt as well, not letting him get too far away — a controlled distance, precisely locked down with a sense of poise to it. ]
... Do you know what you're doing? [ well, probably not — to either of them, really. ] Better fucking commit if you're going for it. God gives second chances, but I don't.
[ sniffling and laughing as i type these words— ]
rip my notifs...
...I— I don't know what I'm doing. But I know that I would never forgive myself if I didn't try it.
[ but with that hand on his chest, he can't close the distance again on his own... how frustrating. ]
I always hold back around you, Kaiser, and if you ask me to control myself, I will, but... I can't do it on my own...
even dw wants ness to suffer...
[ he's staring up at ness, gaze steady, his pupils slightly contracted — everything about his body language, limited as it is, suggests that ness can be on top of him physically, but he still feels like he's the one on top in any way that actually matters. ]
You can't do anything that I don't want you to.
[ sane and normal thing to say. in one way, the sentiment is a shackle; yet in another, it could be freedom — the freedom of knowing that in a sense, kaiser takes ownership of anything that happens. that's the sort of price you should pay when somebody is willing to treat your victories as their own, he thinks: the willingness to take responsibility for everything in turn, whatever "everything" ends up entailing. ]
Or, what? Want me to push you down instead? [ he stops pushing upwards, but doesn't take his hand away. ] Say something. Or do something. Or...
[ "or stop wasting my time," he shall not say. ]
no subject
he feels the shove at his chest relent. after those reassuring words, his breath slows down, his anxiety slowly shrinking with each fraction of a second that passes quietly between them.
it's... not easy to love someone like kaiser. it's not easy to know it's always going to be one-sided, and that even at its best, all he could ever hope for is pity. he can tell himself at least their friendship is mutual to keep himself sane.
kaiser is self-destructive, and he enjoys it when his tendencies are indulged as well; ness knows this, and it could be the ace under his sleeve, except... he doesn't want to hurt kaiser. kaiser keeps approaching people like isagi (and who knows who else) to push himself to the limit at the cost of his own well-being - people that look like they could hurt him. and what has that gotten him? he always ends up unhappier than ever. ness hates seeing him like that. he hates watching him chase after others when he knows they'll only give kaiser temporary happiness because the truth is none of them care about him at all. and they should care. they should be honored.
he moves a hand carefully away from his shoulder, touching the side of his face instead to move away a few stray strands of hair from his face.
kaiser doesn't want this. kaiser doesn't want to know someone genuinely loves him and wants to be happy with him. kaiser doesn't want anything soft... but just as he said, ness can't help himself. he cups the side of his face, brushing his thumb gently over his skin. he can't ever say the most obvious part out loud, even if it's not a secret. so he opts for the second best thing, leaning down to kiss him again - slow, deeper, as if this were the first and last time - because for all he knows, it just might be. ]
no subject
still, it isn't as if ness is wrong about any of that. if anything, that ness understands him well without kaiser having to say what he's thinking in so many words is something that kaiser likes about him very much. another thing that kaiser likes about ness, for whatever it says about the kind of person he is: he likes that ness knows what kaiser can and can't do for him. because in kaiser's world, this is clearly a matter of capability rather than willingness, and it's not important whether or not he wants to loved sincerely when he's convinced that he isn't meant for that in the first place.
this is why being around ness is comfortable to kaiser — why he's willing to touch and perhaps even be affectionate towards ness every now and again, and receive the same in turn — but maybe that works against ness more than it works in his favor. ness can't do anything kaiser doesn't want, after all.
he tilts his face into ness's touch — that means some of the stray strands of hair just come tumbling back down moments after. and as ness leans in to kiss him again, he lifts up his other arm to hook around ness's neck, the crook of his elbow bumping up against the back of his head. not quite holding him there, but also not letting him get too far away. this time, kaiser keeps his eyes open, gaze fixed intently on what of ness's expression he can see at such close quarters. ]