not at the moment youd better pray it stays that way
[ for example, like preventing a scenario where kaiser gets subbed on with about 15 minutes left in the 4th clásico in the season while his team is down and he's thinking "what the fuck kind of miracle do you expect from me, coach?" in the back of his mind. ]
you never know when it comes to my delicate temperament, so i suggest you play it safe [ "be so nice to me" ]
you dont surprise me in a way that i like very much, thats the thing its just, "surprise! i brought you to japan to mentally torture you" "im going to mentally torture you by pretending like we had dinner plans" etc.
do you sincerely envision a world where i say to you "oh wow! thanks for all the mental torture. im so truly grateful" at any point in my life? do you want that??
I would like to evaluate that the outcomes of these events have been mostly positive for you. You thinking of it as torture says more about your state of mind than my actions.
You have a weak mentality that can't handle unexpected pressures. When things don't go your way, you're slow to adapt and instead try to force reality to bend to your whims. Normally that works for you. When it doesn't, you flounder like a fish out of water. Should I continue?
you should instead praise me for being aware of my flaws and willing to hear new ones dont ask if you should continue if you arent willing to continue keep going
I'm not praising you when you don't try to fix those flaws. And I'm now concerned I may be inadvertently feeding into one of your strange fetishes related to older men berating you.
you shouldnt say that about me i can accept i have many flaws but that i dont try to better myself is certainly not one of them
[ it's just difficult for him. the world does not appreciate enough, kaiser believes, that he is struggling against his base nature to prefer inertia so strongly every single day. ]
and god forbid you do something that might inadvertently please me... no, i'm curious, thats all
The more satisfied you are, the more secure you feel, the more you stagnate. That's true in all things, but it's also another flaw of yours. But fine, here's another: You look for the easy way out by unknowingly seeking comfort and validation. You aren't even aware you're doing it until the rug is pulled out from under your feet. You want to be recognized and revered, even if this status is also harmful to your growth. You're a walking contradiction of a man.
[ it takes a while for kaiser to reply. first, he has to reflect on whether he thinks noa is right about all of this or not — but that actually doesn't take much time, he quickly accepts that noa is more or less correct. michael kaiser is a creature for whom "yearning for love" and "treating with malice" are two sides of the same coin, after all. he sees himself as an object and assumes everybody sees him as one too, which is why he can't help but want external validation — where else does a 'thing' get its value from, other than what humans give it? — even as he thinks of himself as something that can look down on any human being. above all else, he tends towards inertia; he knows his mind is naturally weak, and that he has to throw himself into challenge after challenge to prevent himself from giving into the temptation of giving into the comfort of accepting weakness.
no, what takes time is for him to consider what to say in response to all of that. "gross, stop paying so much attention to me"? if kaiser is honest with himself, it's not as if kaiser doesn't realize that he observes noa quite a lot in turn. and he gives noa opportunity after opportunity to continue observing, so even if the comment is a tacit agreement with what noa says, it feels like a useless deflection.
also, he literally asked for it. ]
then, how do you think that this contradiction that is "michael kaiser" will resolve itself?
I have my thoughts. But I'm more interested in what you do, not what I think you'll do. Telling you my hypothesis could taint the experiment that is "you".
[ noa not only accepted he was going to be noticed, evaluated and appraised by the world when he began playing football - he welcomed it. to present his theories to the world and thus be judged by them. they deemed him one of the greatest striker's of the current generation, the best by quantitative and at times qualitative measurement. how did he ascend so high? part of it was through observation, of peers and rivals alike. if kaiser were to complain about the attention he's received, then noa wouldn't be able to counter the allegations.
for all the things he has noticed, he also can't conclude where things will go. humans are all experiments in progress and hypotheticals can be drawn, but the conclusion? it might take another decade of observation with how early kaiser is still in his career. maybe even two? noa doesn't think kaiser is going to crash out of the profession, or at least not since he helped ("tortured" as kaiser put it) course correct him through the NEL. ]
I'll let you know my thoughts after you retire. You can wait another decade or so, right?
[ at the end of the day, kaiser might call it torture... but he prefers being tortured to having a normal, comfortable existence. for whatever that implies about a lot of things... ]
fair enough. then write down your thoughts right now so theres a record and your recollections wont be distorted with the passage of time here, ill even do the same for you so its equal
[ not that kaiser's thoughts on noa's career trajectory are very interesting, and noa can probably predict them, more or less. more notable is the fact that kaiser has elected to not tell noa to not hedge — because he assumes this doesn't need to be said. people aiming for the best in the world have to be bold enough to stick by what they think is right. ]
also, after i retire?? how about after YOU retire...
No. If I were to give it to you prematurely, you can take that as a sign that I think you have no more room for evolution and growth. I'll write down my thoughts now as you suggested. Think of it as a time capsule.
[ or would he? maybe... it doesn't hurt to protest it, though. ]
then, do an interim report too one that youll permit me to see when im your age and give me some thoughts on how i want to spend the sunset of my career
Wouldn't it be more satisfying to read the notes if you had to go through a series of challenges to unearth them? I can't make things easy for you. Not even in death.
[ (jk he is just going to leave the notes in his safe, he's not invested enough to make it more complicated than that.) ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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not at the moment
youd better pray it stays that way
[ for example, like preventing a scenario where kaiser gets subbed on with about 15 minutes left in the 4th clásico in the season while his team is down and he's thinking "what the fuck kind of miracle do you expect from me, coach?" in the back of his mind. ]
you never know when it comes to my delicate temperament, so i suggest you play it safe [ "be so nice to me" ]
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Will you provide examples or should I make interpretations?
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well, when it comes to you specifically?
you should try to make yourself as predictable to me as possible, thatll do
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That's a boring way to live.
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its just, "surprise! i brought you to japan to mentally torture you"
"im going to mentally torture you by pretending like we had dinner plans"
etc.
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[ avg millennial vs zoomer conversation ]
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You thinking of it as torture says more about your state of mind than my actions.
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[ this itself is also an act of mental torture. ]
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When things don't go your way, you're slow to adapt and instead try to force reality to bend to your whims.
Normally that works for you. When it doesn't, you flounder like a fish out of water.
Should I continue?
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[ also, true! kaiser won't deny it. ]
yes, keep going
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dont ask if you should continue if you arent willing to continue
keep going
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And I'm now concerned I may be inadvertently feeding into one of your strange fetishes related to older men berating you.
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i can accept i have many flaws but that i dont try to better myself is certainly not one of them
[ it's just difficult for him. the world does not appreciate enough, kaiser believes, that he is struggling against his base nature to prefer inertia so strongly every single day. ]
and god forbid you do something that might inadvertently please me...
no, i'm curious, thats all
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That's true in all things, but it's also another flaw of yours.
But fine, here's another:
You look for the easy way out by unknowingly seeking comfort and validation. You aren't even aware you're doing it until the rug is pulled out from under your feet.
You want to be recognized and revered, even if this status is also harmful to your growth. You're a walking contradiction of a man.
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no, what takes time is for him to consider what to say in response to all of that. "gross, stop paying so much attention to me"? if kaiser is honest with himself, it's not as if kaiser doesn't realize that he observes noa quite a lot in turn. and he gives noa opportunity after opportunity to continue observing, so even if the comment is a tacit agreement with what noa says, it feels like a useless deflection.
also, he literally asked for it. ]
then, how do you think that this contradiction that is "michael kaiser" will resolve itself?
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But I'm more interested in what you do, not what I think you'll do.
Telling you my hypothesis could taint the experiment that is "you".
[ noa not only accepted he was going to be noticed, evaluated and appraised by the world when he began playing football - he welcomed it. to present his theories to the world and thus be judged by them. they deemed him one of the greatest striker's of the current generation, the best by quantitative and at times qualitative measurement. how did he ascend so high? part of it was through observation, of peers and rivals alike. if kaiser were to complain about the attention he's received, then noa wouldn't be able to counter the allegations.
for all the things he has noticed, he also can't conclude where things will go. humans are all experiments in progress and hypotheticals can be drawn, but the conclusion? it might take another decade of observation with how early kaiser is still in his career. maybe even two? noa doesn't think kaiser is going to crash out of the profession, or at least not since he helped ("tortured" as kaiser put it) course correct him through the NEL. ]
I'll let you know my thoughts after you retire.
You can wait another decade or so, right?
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fair enough.
then write down your thoughts right now so theres a record and your recollections wont be distorted with the passage of time
here, ill even do the same for you so its equal
[ not that kaiser's thoughts on noa's career trajectory are very interesting, and noa can probably predict them, more or less. more notable is the fact that kaiser has elected to not tell noa to not hedge — because he assumes this doesn't need to be said. people aiming for the best in the world have to be bold enough to stick by what they think is right. ]
also, after i retire?? how about after YOU retire...
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If I were to give it to you prematurely, you can take that as a sign that I think you have no more room for evolution and growth.
I'll write down my thoughts now as you suggested. Think of it as a time capsule.
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[ or would he? maybe... it doesn't hurt to protest it, though. ]
then, do an interim report too
one that youll permit me to see when im your age and give me some thoughts on how i want to spend the sunset of my career
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I don't want to.
[ 😑 ]
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try to not die before i retire, then, or if you do, be sure to keep those notes in a place id think to look
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I can't make things easy for you. Not even in death.
[ (jk he is just going to leave the notes in his safe, he's not invested enough to make it more complicated than that.) ]
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