[ and in lieu of adding or implying, "in that aspect, i'm acknowledging that we're similar", kaiser elects instead to lightly kick at noa's ankle underneath the table. playing footsie is less disgusting than having to admit that! ]
Whenever you do something that doesn't make sense to me, I always know the real issue is that I haven't yet understood the full picture. You can be so much nicer to me and tell me what's on your mind more often.
[ when was it that kaiser said to noa that what he wants from noa is predictability? yeah, well, still that. although the only reason he can say that is because he knows noa will never give it; if he sensed that noa might actually acquiesce to the suggestion, he would just be grossed out. ]
Or you can't because you prefer to torture me. [ eye roll! and wine sip. ]
[ he grimaces a touch at the knock, his ankle drawing back reflexively. noa doesn't respond immediately, but then retaliates the moment kaiser starts sipping wine. of course he does it by knocking a foot into kaiser's non-dominant ankle. his courtesy is not going at the good foot. ]
The torture makes you better. [ he has said this a few times now to kaiser, but it still rings true. ] And you don't want me to be nice to you. Be honest with yourself - it would disgust you if I was kind to you, for any reason.
[ fair enough, they are even now. to prevent more shenanigans and also push the boundaries on how gross he can be, kaiser locks his feet around noa's ankle and rests like that. they can save the near ankle-breaks for when they 1v1! ]
Yeah, that is all very true. But I want to ask for it anyways. [ it genuinely reassures him that the answer will always be "fuck no". ] You should keep paying for meals, though, that has nothing to do with my stance on the matter.
[ he shall not be elaborating. but the football princess of germany must be treated by a certain standard. ]
[ but kaiser wouldn't ask for it and that's the problem. this is why it falls on him to do gaslighting activities like tonight's dinner.
the waiter is kind enough to return with kaiser's flan, neatly set on the center of a small platter and with a delicately sized silver spoon. he also props up the server book, check nestled inside, before leaving wordlessly. noa is certain everything is accounted for, but he still opens it up and mentally recounts each item served. ]
Mhm. I'll pay when I invite you. [ that's just basic dating manners. ] May I drive you back home?
[ so if kaiser does the inviting, he has to pay? this is a recipe to guarantee kaiser won't be issuing invitations unless he is in dire need of something... at any rate, he takes a spoon to that flan and takes a bite before answering the question. ]
I'll allow you the honors.
[ kaiser says this as if he wouldn't just be stuck here waiting for an uber if noa doesn't drive him back. or if "juventus" irl is "ubers" in blue lock, is "uber" in blue lock called "juve" instead? either way, kaiser is noa's passenger princess and that will never change.
wordlessly, he pushes the flan forward slightly. he shall also allow noa the delight of sharing this flan, if he so desires. if not, then all the more for him, so kaiser doesn't mind either way. ]
[ "the honors" as if kaiser has any other means back except a ride share.
noa's eyes glance down at the offered flan, his feet twitching in-between kaiser's loose foothold, and decides it couldn't hurt. he takes the shared spoon and carves out a small piece from the side, then slips it into his mouth in a single smooth motion. its sweet, but in a mellow way that noa can take without grimacing. not growing up with the ability to acquire or interest in candy means he can be quite sensitive to a sharp tang. ]
Hm. They make it good here. [ he sets the spoon and nudges the flan back toward kaiser. ] Enjoy it. I doubt we'll have another meal together for a while.
[ his schedule is going to get busy again soon, he just figured since he had the free night he should take advantage of it. he did so by taking advantage of kaiser. ]
Thanks for spending your precious and scarce free time on li'l old me, then.
[ does he mean it? no. anyways... ]
Did you get what you wanted out of all of this?
[ is it FUN to GASLIGHT him? well, noa can answer that, but kaiser is actually more interested in the post-assessment of their dinner date, because that's so normal and everybody does that. even if it isn't the resounding praise for being an incredibly interesting conversational partner that kaiser thinks he deserves, at least he's washing it all down with a delicious not-too-sweet flan, so everything is fine. ]
Better act fast, if there's anything you forgot to check off your list.
[ he acts as if there's a list. there might be, kaiser thinks, a list. like the black book list... ]
[ it's always fun to gaslight, but especially with kaiser. and really, kaiser should anticipate regular gaslighting after what happened in the NEL years ago! ]
I got to eat a good meal and had good company to share it with, so yes.
[ he reaches for his phone and checks to see if anything pressing has come up in the last couple hours. some messages from his assistant, emails... a lot of activity in the team group chat and he can only assume it's something very silly that the kids are getting a kick out of. ]
If you have anything else you want to do, you should also bring it up now.
[ the thing is that kaiser always reminds himself, "i might get gaslit again! be on the lookout!" but he immediately forgets when it matters. he does love to step into his own problems, though... ]
I want us to be photographed by your car in a way that makes that one picture of Ibrahimović and Piqué look platonic...
[ he's kidding. he's kidding!! he is actually kidding. if he weren't kidding, would he be snickering into his flan like this?! ]
[ never mind piqué was married to shakira. since noa took his phone out first, kaiser thinks that means he's allowed to bust his out too, so he can show noa The Picture... ]
See, you should carry on in their tradition. And me in Casillas's, I guess.
[ because for some reason, iker casillas keeps on trying to come out about somethingon twitter and deleting afterwards. ]
[ noa just stares at the picture, completely expressionless, and after a few seconds makes a 'hrm' ]
Our age difference would be a bigger topic than the photo itself.
[ twelve year age gap with his boywife, would blow up as much as lamine yamal hanging out with a thirty year old influencer (she's 29! she asserts as if it makes a difference!) ]
[ it's okay, m*né's career survived his 13 year age gap marriage and noa surely has even more clout than that! ]
Do you think so? But I have a hunch that plenty of people out there would blame me for it, not you... If that's what you're worried about.
[ it's kaiser's reputation, even though he isn't as flashy as he makes himself seem for the public. that is precisely why he cultivated the image in the first place! ]
I think we would both see judgment, in different ways.
[ for kaiser, they would judge him for not knowing better but also mock any instance they perceive as "special treatment" being because of their relationship. of course plenty would point out that the younger person shouldn't be held to the same level of responsibility as the older. noa knows he would get a lot of heat, because the bigger you are the harder you fall. ]
I'm not worried about anything, really. But I'm not interested in giving the media a reason to generate a scandal for clicks. It would just be a distraction, especially for my team.
[ he wouldn't be distracted because he's the world's strongest idgaf-er, but his team? the pr obsessed management? he does not want to deal with the headaches in would cause. ]
Well, then, give me a call when your team starts running hit pieces against you. I'll be happy to be part of the media distraction...
[ not "if" but "when"!! kaiser knows the falloff is inevitable! if m*ssi couldn't escape it, he has full faith noa will not either. ]
Don't worry, my reputation can take it. Besides, I think I could make it a worthwhile trade in the long-run.
[ he's kidding. but he's also serious. but he's also extra kidding! maybe the flan has put him in a good mood, he's even eaten it relatively quickly too. ]
Who else is going to visit you regularly in the retirement house to make sure that you haven't hung yourself out of boredom?
[ kaiser is the one who should probably be checked on a regular basis to make sure he isn't going to do something insane and irreversible, not noa, but whatever man! ]
Also, that might be true for now... but compared to you, I'm going to be far more accomplished and beloved by the world by the time I'm in my thirties. [ and noa can write that down! ]
You sound like Chris Prince. [ too far? it's kind of true though. ] And while I appreciate the concern, I'll be fine. Retirement will give me a chance to raise a borzoi like I've wanted to.
Ew. [ gross! kaiser makes a face. ] It's different. Chris Prince says that because he has a massive chip on his shoulder, but I say it because it's the fate I have to bear.
[ does this make sense? does it make it sound like kaiser has delusions of grandeur? far from it, actually, it's more of an expectation looming over his head like the sword of damocles.
he'll go visit to pet the borzoi and try to make it love him more than it loves noa... ]
[ his poor little german is still convinced he is the main character of this universe. meanwhile noa has accepted he is the villain to be smited! it's brought him great peace. ]
Come on, let's get you back home so you can dwell on your burdened fate in front of a mirror.
[ why does he say this? well, he is pretty sure he heard kaiser talking into his mirror from the guest bathroom a few years ago when they lived together during his recovery. ]
[ what's the point of reinforcing your self-gaslighting at night? it's most effective right after getting up! noa might not have asked, but isn't he glad to know that kaiser does, in fact, make an effort to construct the sequence of events that he goes through in a day to best align with the goal of getting better at kicking ball?
he won't do anything corny like make noa escort him, he's a big boy and can get up all on his own. he leaves the silverware and his napkin neatly placed, but without any over-courteous effort towards doing the waitstaff's job for them. as they leave the restaurant, though, he will ask— ]
Are you going to open the car door for me? [ germany's princess?? ]
[ oddly, yes, he does think a morning self-affirmation is ritual has a better flow for the rest of the day. however, kaiser should also complete a ritual for the evening where he evaluates his successes and his failures. this is important for well-rounded growth to set expectations in the morning and reflect on accomplishments and short-comings before bed. of course this is part of noa's rituals, except he doesn't do it in front of a mirror.
noa politely thanks the waiter and host as they leave, sweeping his eyes across the street to make sure there aren't any diehard fans waiting in the wings or reporters monitoring their movements. this restaurant is in a quieter part of the city, but he has been caught existing in 4k before! the coast seems clear though. ]
...Hm? [ he was momentarily distracted by his checks that he nearly missed that question. so he just blinks with a wide-eye stare, his brain taking a beat to process the request. ] Why should I?
[ (for a second, a terrible thought crosses his mind: open the door, but then promptly slam it in kaiser's face. or, rather, test if kaiser can make it through the short-window of opportunity to get into his seat before the slam. he thinks better of it because there are limits to how unhinged his little acts of horror toward kaiser can and should be. mostly, they should serve a real purpose and not "it would be funny to watch him scramble." ]
[ kaiser prefers to save the self-reflections for his days off, because he is mentally fragile and needs lots of time to process properly. if he had to reflect upon his short-comings every day, then his mind and heart would explode from the stress before long, if he doesn't die from chronic sleep deprivation-related causes first. he shall not be explaining any of this, of course. noa can believe that kaiser simply rots on his off days when he is actually rotting and contemplating. ]
Well, you said you were going to take me out properly like a proper gentleman would.
[ and yes, being able to catch noel noa off guard does put a little smile on kaiser's face and just a sprinkle of pep in his step. not many people can do that, he thinks it's fine to be satisfied and just a little proud of the fact that he does... he would also be satisfied if he knew that noa was thinking about inflicting random horror on him, though, so there is that. ]
It's simply how I imagined such an event would go.
[ so, like, he isn't saying he thinks noa should. but that it would be consistent with what noa claimed... ]
[ that little sound, indiscernible on its own, is the immediate reaction. something clicks behind his eyes, focus half-resting on kaiser, and he takes a longer stride in the next step to reach the passenger side door first. sure enough, he opens the door for kaiser and even dismisses that cruel little thought to toy with him for the hell of it.
he won't say an additional word or a boorish quip. instead he will hold it open until kaiser enters, and then shut it with a gentle slam before entering on the driver side. this is neither a magnanimous gesture, nor acquiescing to kaiser's request. noa did say he would take kaiser out properly. there were also other things said around that context he only recalled just now because of kaiser's little comment. ]
Anything else I should do, while I'm still being a proper gentleman for you?
[ kaiser isn't surprised that this compels noa the way he wanted it to, because he knows very well that noa is the type to keep his word and not say anything that he isn't prepared to follow up on. however, he gets a feeling when he sits at the passenger's seat, like there's a catch here somewhere and he hasn't yet seen where the trap is exactly — one that's confirmed when noa sits at the driver's seat and makes that comment.
in response, kaiser immediately turns his head to the side and stares at noa with his big ole bright blue eyes, looking eerily like the kind of ragdoll cat in those grooming videos that will soon need a happy hoodie put over him to keep him calm. ]
And what's that supposed to mean? Except for when you're being my rival, I think that you should always be a proper gentleman for me.
[ demands that kaiser knows will never be fulfilled... never let it be said that he doesn't take his shots, though. ]
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[ and in lieu of adding or implying, "in that aspect, i'm acknowledging that we're similar", kaiser elects instead to lightly kick at noa's ankle underneath the table. playing footsie is less disgusting than having to admit that! ]
Whenever you do something that doesn't make sense to me, I always know the real issue is that I haven't yet understood the full picture. You can be so much nicer to me and tell me what's on your mind more often.
[ when was it that kaiser said to noa that what he wants from noa is predictability? yeah, well, still that. although the only reason he can say that is because he knows noa will never give it; if he sensed that noa might actually acquiesce to the suggestion, he would just be grossed out. ]
Or you can't because you prefer to torture me. [ eye roll! and wine sip. ]
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The torture makes you better. [ he has said this a few times now to kaiser, but it still rings true. ] And you don't want me to be nice to you. Be honest with yourself - it would disgust you if I was kind to you, for any reason.
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Yeah, that is all very true. But I want to ask for it anyways. [ it genuinely reassures him that the answer will always be "fuck no". ] You should keep paying for meals, though, that has nothing to do with my stance on the matter.
[ he shall not be elaborating. but the football princess of germany must be treated by a certain standard. ]
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the waiter is kind enough to return with kaiser's flan, neatly set on the center of a small platter and with a delicately sized silver spoon. he also props up the server book, check nestled inside, before leaving wordlessly. noa is certain everything is accounted for, but he still opens it up and mentally recounts each item served. ]
Mhm. I'll pay when I invite you. [ that's just basic dating manners. ] May I drive you back home?
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I'll allow you the honors.
[ kaiser says this as if he wouldn't just be stuck here waiting for an uber if noa doesn't drive him back. or if "juventus" irl is "ubers" in blue lock, is "uber" in blue lock called "juve" instead? either way, kaiser is noa's passenger princess and that will never change.
wordlessly, he pushes the flan forward slightly. he shall also allow noa the delight of sharing this flan, if he so desires. if not, then all the more for him, so kaiser doesn't mind either way. ]
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noa's eyes glance down at the offered flan, his feet twitching in-between kaiser's loose foothold, and decides it couldn't hurt. he takes the shared spoon and carves out a small piece from the side, then slips it into his mouth in a single smooth motion. its sweet, but in a mellow way that noa can take without grimacing. not growing up with the ability to acquire or interest in candy means he can be quite sensitive to a sharp tang. ]
Hm. They make it good here. [ he sets the spoon and nudges the flan back toward kaiser. ] Enjoy it. I doubt we'll have another meal together for a while.
[ his schedule is going to get busy again soon, he just figured since he had the free night he should take advantage of it. he did so by taking advantage of kaiser. ]
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[ does he mean it? no. anyways... ]
Did you get what you wanted out of all of this?
[ is it FUN to GASLIGHT him? well, noa can answer that, but kaiser is actually more interested in the post-assessment of their dinner date, because that's so normal and everybody does that. even if it isn't the resounding praise for being an incredibly interesting conversational partner that kaiser thinks he deserves, at least he's washing it all down with a delicious not-too-sweet flan, so everything is fine. ]
Better act fast, if there's anything you forgot to check off your list.
[ he acts as if there's a list. there might be, kaiser thinks, a list. like the black book list... ]
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I got to eat a good meal and had good company to share it with, so yes.
[ he reaches for his phone and checks to see if anything pressing has come up in the last couple hours. some messages from his assistant, emails... a lot of activity in the team group chat and he can only assume it's something very silly that the kids are getting a kick out of. ]
If you have anything else you want to do, you should also bring it up now.
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I want us to be photographed by your car in a way that makes that one picture of Ibrahimović and Piqué look platonic...
[ he's kidding. he's kidding!! he is actually kidding. if he weren't kidding, would he be snickering into his flan like this?! ]
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What picture?
[ does he know?.jpg <-- guy who earnestly doesn't know, he doesn't pay attention to gossip rags and social media pr. ]
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[ never mind piqué was married to shakira. since noa took his phone out first, kaiser thinks that means he's allowed to bust his out too, so he can show noa The Picture... ]
See, you should carry on in their tradition. And me in Casillas's, I guess.
[ because for some reason, iker casillas keeps on trying to come out about something on twitter and deleting afterwards. ]
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Our age difference would be a bigger topic than the photo itself.
[ twelve year age gap with his boywife, would blow up as much as lamine yamal hanging out with a thirty year old influencer (she's 29! she asserts as if it makes a difference!) ]
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Do you think so? But I have a hunch that plenty of people out there would blame me for it, not you... If that's what you're worried about.
[ it's kaiser's reputation, even though he isn't as flashy as he makes himself seem for the public. that is precisely why he cultivated the image in the first place! ]
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[ for kaiser, they would judge him for not knowing better but also mock any instance they perceive as "special treatment" being because of their relationship. of course plenty would point out that the younger person shouldn't be held to the same level of responsibility as the older. noa knows he would get a lot of heat, because the bigger you are the harder you fall. ]
I'm not worried about anything, really. But I'm not interested in giving the media a reason to generate a scandal for clicks. It would just be a distraction, especially for my team.
[ he wouldn't be distracted because he's the world's strongest idgaf-er, but his team? the pr obsessed management? he does not want to deal with the headaches in would cause. ]
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[ not "if" but "when"!! kaiser knows the falloff is inevitable! if m*ssi couldn't escape it, he has full faith noa will not either. ]
Don't worry, my reputation can take it. Besides, I think I could make it a worthwhile trade in the long-run.
[ he's kidding. but he's also serious. but he's also extra kidding! maybe the flan has put him in a good mood, he's even eaten it relatively quickly too. ]
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Trade what? My post-career reputation for...? You don't have very much to offer me.
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[ kaiser is the one who should probably be checked on a regular basis to make sure he isn't going to do something insane and irreversible, not noa, but whatever man! ]
Also, that might be true for now... but compared to you, I'm going to be far more accomplished and beloved by the world by the time I'm in my thirties. [ and noa can write that down! ]
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You sound like Chris Prince. [ too far? it's kind of true though. ] And while I appreciate the concern, I'll be fine. Retirement will give me a chance to raise a borzoi like I've wanted to.
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[ does this make sense? does it make it sound like kaiser has delusions of grandeur? far from it, actually, it's more of an expectation looming over his head like the sword of damocles.
he'll go visit to pet the borzoi and try to make it love him more than it loves noa... ]
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[ his poor little german is still convinced he is the main character of this universe. meanwhile noa has accepted he is the villain to be smited! it's brought him great peace. ]
Come on, let's get you back home so you can dwell on your burdened fate in front of a mirror.
[ why does he say this? well, he is pretty sure he heard kaiser talking into his mirror from the guest bathroom a few years ago when they lived together during his recovery. ]
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[ what's the point of reinforcing your self-gaslighting at night? it's most effective right after getting up! noa might not have asked, but isn't he glad to know that kaiser does, in fact, make an effort to construct the sequence of events that he goes through in a day to best align with the goal of getting better at kicking ball?
he won't do anything corny like make noa escort him, he's a big boy and can get up all on his own. he leaves the silverware and his napkin neatly placed, but without any over-courteous effort towards doing the waitstaff's job for them. as they leave the restaurant, though, he will ask— ]
Are you going to open the car door for me? [ germany's princess?? ]
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noa politely thanks the waiter and host as they leave, sweeping his eyes across the street to make sure there aren't any diehard fans waiting in the wings or reporters monitoring their movements. this restaurant is in a quieter part of the city, but he has been caught existing in 4k before! the coast seems clear though. ]
...Hm? [ he was momentarily distracted by his checks that he nearly missed that question. so he just blinks with a wide-eye stare, his brain taking a beat to process the request. ] Why should I?
[ (for a second, a terrible thought crosses his mind: open the door, but then promptly slam it in kaiser's face. or, rather, test if kaiser can make it through the short-window of opportunity to get into his seat before the slam. he thinks better of it because there are limits to how unhinged his little acts of horror toward kaiser can and should be. mostly, they should serve a real purpose and not "it would be funny to watch him scramble." ]
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Well, you said you were going to take me out properly like a proper gentleman would.
[ and yes, being able to catch noel noa off guard does put a little smile on kaiser's face and just a sprinkle of pep in his step. not many people can do that, he thinks it's fine to be satisfied and just a little proud of the fact that he does... he would also be satisfied if he knew that noa was thinking about inflicting random horror on him, though, so there is that. ]
It's simply how I imagined such an event would go.
[ so, like, he isn't saying he thinks noa should. but that it would be consistent with what noa claimed... ]
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[ that little sound, indiscernible on its own, is the immediate reaction. something clicks behind his eyes, focus half-resting on kaiser, and he takes a longer stride in the next step to reach the passenger side door first. sure enough, he opens the door for kaiser and even dismisses that cruel little thought to toy with him for the hell of it.
he won't say an additional word or a boorish quip. instead he will hold it open until kaiser enters, and then shut it with a gentle slam before entering on the driver side. this is neither a magnanimous gesture, nor acquiescing to kaiser's request. noa did say he would take kaiser out properly. there were also other things said around that context he only recalled just now because of kaiser's little comment. ]
Anything else I should do, while I'm still being a proper gentleman for you?
[ because the moment that ends? well! well. ]
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in response, kaiser immediately turns his head to the side and stares at noa with his big ole bright blue eyes, looking eerily like the kind of ragdoll cat in those grooming videos that will soon need a happy hoodie put over him to keep him calm. ]
And what's that supposed to mean? Except for when you're being my rival, I think that you should always be a proper gentleman for me.
[ demands that kaiser knows will never be fulfilled... never let it be said that he doesn't take his shots, though. ]
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