[ a few minutes later, noa will receive a horribly framed picture of kaiser in front of a toilet bowl that suggests he puked into it shortly beforehand. there are some subtle signs like hair length that this is not a recent picture, and then there's the fact that it's very clearly the bastard münchen's training facility restroom, not blue lock's. why does kaiser have such a picture? well, (1) he has a thousand mental disorders, and (2) he always knew it would come in useful. ]
🖕 i just wanted to let you know thats how i feel, and that you did that to me besides, i would hope it doesnt shock you, hasnt everybody puked after a tough training session a few times
[ he's about to develop his one thousand and first mental disorder... well, kaiser is pretty sure that can't possibly be true, but he wants to see what the angle is here. ]
youve literally never witnessed any other athlete throw up after practice before? never in your life? do you swear you are telling the truth?
Smart. I won't deny it may have happened, but I haven't witnessed it with my own eyes. But if you're throwing up after practice, it's because of dangerous overexertion.
i know it rarely happens, okay? nothing to worry about -_-
[ he can't be stealing sae "return to zero state" itoshi's thing... but there were certainly a lot of growing pains when he first entered the youth academy, including getting used to eating three carb-loaded meals a day. ]
[ kaiser is familiar with doing that maneuver! sadly, he can't recognize it being done to him. ]
its when psychopathic men hit on women by cycling through complementing, insulting, and then complementing her in a backhanded way to break down her self esteem and make her not notice the psychopathy youre doing it perfectly, now you need to complement me in a backhanded way
[ he's unfortunately starting to see why this tactic is so appealing to kaiser. also his low empathy sociopath powerlevels might be getting exposed here, oops. ]
I can't. My compliments to you are as genuine as my insults. The backhanded ones I use on others wouldn't apply to you. Would you like me to try anyway?
i dont think you need to try, that was quite well done. i see that youre a real natural at this the segue from "youre special" to "youre not special" to "i both compliment and insult you specially" is really masterful sequencing for somebody who just learned about what negging is, though i have to presume youve been doing this without realizing for ages now has that succeeded at getting you laid with a high hit rate, i wonder?
and you want me to surpass you like this? without knowledge of how to optimally manage my pre-match ejaculations? okay...
[ kaiser says this like it wasn't already weird to inquire about the timing of noa's ejaculations. also, he absolutely does not have this problem in general because that would require him to get over his disgust and loathing to allow himself to regularly fuck ... ]
[ he has no idea what "sigma rizz" means and he won't google it. ]
It's a lot more boring than that. I have established partners that I make contact with if time permits. If they're available, then we meet. My private life isn't very exciting.
[ kaiser's revenge for everything will be exposing noa to brainrot at every level. pay the fanum tax or whatever the skibidi ]
let me guess, earlier in your career it was mostly other football players. never on the team you were playing against, of course, but thats not a problem in most major cities nowadays its moved more towards athletes in other sports or people whove already moved onto management or commentating but still keep in shape theyre all competitive and good at fucking but otherwise rather boring people how close am i, rate out of 10
i think that youre concerned that i will be able to accurately profile everybody in your little black book with enough information and youre right to worry about that so i will let it go
[ praise his magnanimous heart. ]
i dont think im having delusions, though, i think my inferences are quite logical you probably think of it as doing physical maintenance or something along those lines
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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you did that to me. hope youre happy
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I can tell that isn't recent, but nice try.
You can't shock me.
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i just wanted to let you know thats how i feel, and that you did that to me
besides, i would hope it doesnt shock you, hasnt everybody puked after a tough training session a few times
[ hasn't everybody??? ahah? ]
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You're one of a kind.
[ keep getting sick, it's noa's turn to be weird for profit. ]
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youve literally never witnessed any other athlete throw up after practice before? never in your life? do you swear you are telling the truth?
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I won't deny it may have happened, but I haven't witnessed it with my own eyes.
But if you're throwing up after practice, it's because of dangerous overexertion.
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it rarely happens, okay? nothing to worry about -_-
[ he can't be stealing sae "return to zero state" itoshi's thing... but there were certainly a lot of growing pains when he first entered the youth academy, including getting used to eating three carb-loaded meals a day. ]
so you DID just lie to me -_-
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Yeah.
I guess you're not unique after all.
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[ maybe he should ask peepaw if he knows what negging is first? ]
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[ he could google it (and just did) but what he's really doing is just being difficult on purpose. ]
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its when psychopathic men hit on women by cycling through complementing, insulting, and then complementing her in a backhanded way to break down her self esteem and make her not notice the psychopathy
youre doing it perfectly, now you need to complement me in a backhanded way
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I can't.
My compliments to you are as genuine as my insults. The backhanded ones I use on others wouldn't apply to you. Would you like me to try anyway?
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the segue from "youre special" to "youre not special" to "i both compliment and insult you specially" is really masterful sequencing for somebody who just learned about what negging is, though i have to presume youve been doing this without realizing for ages now
has that succeeded at getting you laid with a high hit rate, i wonder?
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So yes?
[ it is also a literal black book. peepaw isn't putting his hookups in his phone contacts. ]
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have you never had a coach who has that superstition about cumming before a game or do you always wait until after the match
[ or has noa been a münchen muncher this whole time... ]
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I'm not sharing my secrets.
I had a decade to figure this out. And I'm still the top scorer in the league, so it's working out for me.
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[ kaiser says this like it wasn't already weird to inquire about the timing of noa's ejaculations. also, he absolutely does not have this problem in general because that would require him to get over his disgust and loathing to allow himself to regularly fuck ... ]
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I don't have time to fit anything in beforehand, and it's not a priority to do so.
[ when did this suddenly become about his sex life? ugh ]
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👼
[ he'll only do angelic things with that information, of course. ]
your phrasing seems to imply thats what your usual schedule is like, i guess you really do have natural sigma rizz [ mogging and mewing, etc. ]
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It's a lot more boring than that.
I have established partners that I make contact with if time permits. If they're available, then we meet.
My private life isn't very exciting.
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let me guess, earlier in your career it was mostly other football players. never on the team you were playing against, of course, but thats not a problem in most major cities
nowadays its moved more towards athletes in other sports or people whove already moved onto management or commentating but still keep in shape
theyre all competitive and good at fucking but otherwise rather boring people
how close am i, rate out of 10
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I'm not giving you anymore fodder than I already have. Keep your delusions to yourself.
[ he is not kissing and telling!! take the headcanons to the rpf girls on footballtwt ]
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[ praise his magnanimous heart. ]
i dont think im having delusions, though, i think my inferences are quite logical
you probably think of it as doing physical maintenance or something along those lines
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