[ noa locks focus into observing kaiser in the way a sniper zones in through the scope, but not yet ready to take the shot. slow and steady breath, tension melting, mind calculating the next move behind blue eyes. that's something noa has always appreciated about kaiser - he's extremely analytical, more than anyone gives him credit for. he scopes the field with fast imperceptible rotations of the head, sees two steps ahead for the most dangerous spot, and makes it there faster than anyone else. his lithe frame specializes in agility and his intelligence supports it.
noa saw this quality in him the first time he observed him play in the youth league. the club invited him to watch and provide feedback on the players during a finals match, to determine who was worth investing and cultivating for the main squad in the future. kaiser was unquestionably the most impressive, ness in second but carried by linking his plays to him. it was a shock to learn he had materialized out of nowhere, likely only playing a couple years at that point. noa took it as a sign.
this too is a sign. noa permits kaiser to guide them down, his hand firmly pressing down at the pace of the lean and legs shifting so that he towers over kaiser as head meets pillow. like this he turns from sniper to surgeon, clinically evaluating over the operating table but not yet ready to make the first incision. he imagines his eyes cold and pupils dilated, inhuman gold irises assessing. then, he dips his upper body. slow enough that it can be caught for a second, fast enough to not permit a reaction. the press on kaiser's chest turns to a pin, elbow bending out as noa goes for kaiser's mouth-
-then feints to his neck, digging his teeth into the center of the blue rose. ]
[ unfortunately, if questioned, kaiser would have to admit: he does remember the first time he laid eyes on noel noa in the flesh. the times that the youth academy members happened to pass by the first team don't count, because kaiser never had any interest in craning his head around to gawk. he knew of the most famous players of the time, because it'd be difficult to not know, but they were always nebulous figures in kaiser's mind that he might see on a magazine he'd picked up off the streets, not real people, and the fact that he partially coexisted with them never actively occurred to him until the first time that a few members from the first team had been pulled to observe one of his matches — against whom? kaiser can't remember, but he knows it was the final of that year's u-19 bundesliga.
"look, that's noel noa and the vice-captains," ness had murmured, tugging at kaiser's sleeve and discreetly pointing. kaiser had sluggishly looked over, mostly to humor ness's excitement, expecting to have to ask which one, exactly, is noa — but it had been obvious through atmosphere alone. the kaiser back then would have been visibly so perplexed if somebody had told him he would end up in this situation someday.
as it is now, kaiser lays back, lifting a leg up to adjust and give space. noa's eyes are dissecting him like he's a practice cadaver, but kaiser's response to that is to restrain a smirk, though the corner of his mouth still pulls up. and why not? it's a little funny that this is happening in soccer prison in a different country and the warden gave the best in the world a bed that compares to those in the youth dorms back in munich. also, he's not normal and is overly conscious of being looked at in general, so noa's surgical surveying of him doesn't sink in properly — such is how it goes when he fed himself almost entirely by stealing for the majority of his life.
this combined with noa's hand on his chest leaves him more unguarded than he ideally would've been when noa makes his move. kaiser tilts his head up, which incidentally bares his neck again — when kaiser does his replay of this, he'll have to admit, an excellent move on noa's part, but he's not upset over it in the moment. the sound he makes when noa puts his teeth to skin is more of a breathless laugh than anything else, before he hooks his arm around noa's upper back, fingernails curling aggressively into the muscle where the neckline meets the back. he likes this a little, but he wants to be eaten up properly if he must get eaten up at all. ]
[ the press of nails into muscle sends a faint shock through his body, back tensing then relaxing as he registers it and lets it be. he liked that small laugh but doesn't let it mean anything more than that. noa lets go of the colored flesh, laps it with the flat of his tongue, then bites over the same spot without the precision to make it exact. he splits his attention to push a little further into the chest under his hand, then relaxes it a few seconds and does it again. all the while he keeps his body propped up by balancing it on his right forearm, legs shifting careful above kaiser's to keep their positions comfortable.
there's vulnerability from his standpoint even if he's the one on top. it sticks out to him in the back of his mind, the ways kaiser can turn this on him, but that and the other two motions he switches between take up all his mental capacity. he can't do everything and calculate anything all at once. too many options and you have to make a choice without fully knowing if it's the right one. predictions upon predictions and kaiser prides himself on being impossible, something that is incalculable even when behind it are numerous small equations that build up to a rational answer.
that's also another part of the appeal for noa. to fall into comfort is to deny yourself the chance to change. kaiser won't let him have his way for long and noa is keenly aware of it. so he leaves small marks around the rose, the easiest place to hide them from view, and doesn't rush into more aggressive moves. kaiser is not offering submission, of this noa is certain, he's bidding his time in this too. noa accepts being lured into a trap to see if he can escape it once sprung. he's well known for threading the needle as every defender launches themselves at him to stop the shot. he sets up his own failure and then succeeds anyway. such is the way of an egotist. ]
[ there's a different rhythm to attacking than there is to defending, the same principle goes here — it's not as if one is an inherently superior position, and it's no surprise that kaiser doesn't want to start things off the same way he did the last time. he has more confidence that he can endure long enough to find an opening than he does in being able to break through noa's guard, but perhaps he shouldn't have confidence in that either — still, kaiser's known to relish an impossible challenge, so he hasn't considered that possibility yet.
his reactions are quiet but not muted — when he isn't making a point to exert his presence, kaiser tends to be silent, because he'd learned as a child that being too noisy would only earn him the kind of attention that he could do without. his breathing comes out rougher, with an uneven and gasping quality to it; against weaker teams, kaiser sometimes doesn't even lose his breath after 90 minutes of running up and down the pitch, which is plenty of proof that this is affecting him. he turns to the point that his other cheek is pressed fully into the pillow, body stretching out underneath noa in a way that seems to silently be goading noa to continue lower.
it might be tempting to conclude that kaiser is simply enjoying having the attention of the world's best on him, but that would be far too boring for him. if noa cares to glance up, he'd note that between blinks, kaiser's gaze is intense in concentration even if he's not looking at anything in particular to concentrate on. he would probably also note that it's honestly such an awkward bit of body language in this particular situation, he should probably just shut his eyes? it definitely gives away the fact that he's attempting to bait noa, but noa could've figured that out with far less context clues anyways. ]
[ the restrained reactions don't faze him, though if he were a decade younger they may well have. back then, when expectations didn't manifest into reality, noa took it as a sign that he was losing grasp on what he wanted. what he learned with time and experience is that patience can be a virtue. discard the need for instant gratification, because the moment you're desperate for anything is the moment no one wants you to have it.
noa doesn't spend an extended time on the neck. another minute at most passes this way, a second hand ticking away in the back of the mind, before he chooses to move on. too quick and he reads as impatient, too slow and they'll both get bored. he's abused the rose enough as is, the skin underneath now a faint red in contrast to the azure blue. his eyes don't linger on the work longer than a beat, though he spares a glance toward kaiser to evaluate where he is. noa hones in on the tilt of the face into the pillow, the rough rise and fall of the chest under his hand, the way he won't close his eyes and give into the sensations.
if kaiser deigns to look, noa is wearing the same face as before, like he didn't just finish a small assault on kaiser's neck. the same empty vacancy in everything but his eyes, still observing kaiser in the same way he described him earlier - an experiment. a thing, less so a person, that has inputs and outputs which an internal logic that must be understood. he wants to understand, but not for kaiser's sake.
now is a good time to change tactics, build on the established. his left hand eases pressure slowly until it's no more, as he moves his right to bring curled fingers to press into the bites peppered on kaiser's neck. they don't dig nor choke, only serve as a reminder of the work. the left hand settles on the curve of the waist as noa dips his head again, skipping the chest and aiming right above the navel. he wants to keep teasing and gnawing with his teeth for an active pain while letting his fingers bring out the passive experience of irritation on fresh wounds. ]
[ unfortunately, kaiser does briefly catch a glimpse of noa's gaze on him. noticing this it slightly pisses kaiser off, the way that he's blatantly being seen as more of an object than anything else — although a part of him also likes this a bit too, because it's closer to how he wants to be seen by others than how just about anybody else looks at him. he laughs again, still a bit of a breathless huff behind it as before, but this time there's the edge of a disdainful scoff in there. kaiser knows he isn't easy to figure out even when he's no longer actively trying, because he's disinclined to share too many of his thoughts in general, but now he's motivated to make an extra effort to make it particularly difficult.
it's about time to make a move; the conditions are just right for it. kaiser briefly self-assesses the situation: he's a touch irritated but still thinking clearly, or so he believes, but what pushes the snap decision towards action is the fact that he instinctively doesn't like where this is going. for a moment, he stills entirely as he registers a partial overlap with a different image of himself, laying on the ground, his father's hand on his neck to keep him down — it wasn't to ensure that kaiser won't resist, because the instinct to resist was pushed out of him before it even had a chance to fully form, so kaiser understands now that it was purely a self-serving show of power as the rest of his body was beaten and battered. now, if noa were going to press his fingers in like he means it, that might be different, but kaiser senses that this too is a ploy to make kaiser understand the difference in power between them, so he pauses and holds his breath for a moment——
then he curls his fingers into noa's back again, hard enough to bruise with that freakish grip strength he has; at the same time, he hooks his right leg around noa's body and pulls inwards with all the force he can muster from the position he's in. there are a few things he's leveraging here: noa's weight is mostly pressed into his forearm against the bed which makes it an obvious weak point to destabilize, the fact that kaiser has been pulling the center of their bodies askew by tilting himself noticeably, of course — the fastest right leg in the world — and finally, the fact that kaiser doesn't mind that literally bringing noa down means getting caught underneath. subconsciously, perhaps, it's the kind of self-destruction that kaiser senses that he needs: to be crushed, then to reemerge. ]
[ it's in the split moment between noa pushing his fingers into kaiser's neck and shifting to move downward does the trap spring. the grip into his back combined with the strength of the leg, matched with a subtle positioning that noa only sees as he's pulled down, collapse his upper body atop kaiser's. his head lands between the pecs, his left side pinned in by the leg, and his right hand splays out loose atop the shoulder, right where the roses trails into the thorny vines.
noa lets a beat pass, processing what just occurred, before he lets out a soft breath ripple against the muscles under him. ]
Didn't like that?
[ how careless of him. was it the fingers into the bruised skin or that he was starting to go too low? they didn't exactly talk out how far they wanted this to go. even this much could be too much, so to put it all into words, to quantify it, is the logical move. there shouldn't be any misunderstandings given their positions, the current physical one and the larger nebulous shape of their relationship. ]
[ kaiser will be proud of himself for not talking first, although perhaps he has no reason to be. the point is that he always can keep his mouth shut and simply elects not to!
anyways, one thing to understand about michael kaiser is that sometimes he is utterly reckless and unrestrained in what he says, while at other times he is incredibly precise. it's part of keeping people on their toes that he switches up between these two modes seamlessly and erratically, often within the same conversation multiple times — always keep them guessing! this time, though, his phrasing is very specifically chosen. ]
Mmm... not fond, no.
[ kaiser is guessing that noa would like him to be more specific, which is why he isn't offering up any more details. instead, he shifts underneath noa, breathing a little more shallow on purpose, but otherwise seemingly unbothered by their current position. rather than pushing away, he stops putting bruises into noa's skin and slides his hand up noa's neck to the back of his head, fingers brushing through short strands of hair. not many people have petted noel noa's hair, probably, but this has not actually actively occurred to kaiser.
he's also going to advantage of the fact that he's pretty sure noa won't be too rough with his leg — when taking into account his future, could this not possibly be one of the most valuable body parts in the world? — by loosely hooking his ankle between noa's legs to keep him in place. it's an oddly intimate gesture, this tangling of bodies, but there's an air to the way that kaiser does all of this that makes it seem like he's ignorant to how most people would read emotional closeness into all of this. he's just locking noa down, because that's the point of springing a trap? noa's move now to detangle, kaiser thinks. ]
[ he waits to hear if kaiser will add anything on, but isn't surprised nor dismayed when he doesn't. then that means he will have to continue blind, taking cues and being wary of his nose getting broke. not ideal, but not an immediate deterrent. neither is the ankle tucking in and further trapping him in place, nor the oddly soft way kaiser brushes through the scruff of his hair.
noa feels nothing from it. he has never rejected kindness outright, but he recognizes the inherent manipulation behind the curtain. it isn't something people consciously consider, not the majority anyway, but that doesn't make it any less true. every glance, touch, and word can be a soothing balm or a weapon to cut someone down at their most vulnerable. that's why he prefers rivals to lovers - the balm is gone and only the sword remains. the promise of doom, the inevitability of destruction, is more honest than affection ever can be.
breaking this hold would be an easy task when he's physically bulkier and can exert it at will. instead, he thinks he'll give kaiser what he wants. he breathes in slow, measured and purposeful, and lets the natural physiological reaction of synchronized heart rates settle in. then he relaxes the tension held in each section of his body, permitting it to melt away with the flip of a switch, and gradually makes himself heavier. if being crushed was the goal, then kaiser may well achieve it.
but that isn't enough for noa. he slowly sways his left arm back and forth until he can loosen and pull it out from the tight hold kaiser's leg has on him. then he reaches to grip into the outer-thigh, fingers pushing into the hip before dragging down to map the muscle covered by sweatpants. his right hand remains on the shoulder, limp and unneeded in noa's current move. its kept there as a reminder that he can resume his work at any moment he chooses. ]
[ that noa might go with this simply never occurred to kaiser, although it'll be a while yet before kaiser seriously ponders his tendency to ask for it and then realize not long after that he should not have done that. like noa, kaiser doesn't mistake this for affection; unlike him, kaiser doesn't even think to mistake it for affection, which he's never experienced in any significant way. the closest, maybe, is when he occasionally falls asleep in a hotel lobby, waiting for a team manager to check them in after a long bus drive for an away match and ending up with his head lolling against ness's shoulder, because kaiser finds it incredibly difficult to sleep in moving vehicles — the plane ride to japan was not a pleasant one for him — but even then, kaiser wouldn't call that affection.
he feels their breathing and heartbeats sync up — kaiser knows this is a physiological tendency everybody has, to mirror people who are close by. he is, nevertheless, severely disgusted by how comfortable and human it might feel. ]
... What? [ his voice is slighter now, chest compressed underneath noa. it's not so heavy that kaiser is suffering, though maybe he would prefer it that way, so it might be more in his mind than his body that it doesn't feel like he can talk at his normal volume. ] You're just going to play along?
[ his eyes narrow slightly, almost in the way that one's eyelids grow heavier with sleep, though kaiser isn't tired at all. he sighs slowly, and inhales afterwards even more slowly. then he curls his leg into noa more aggressively, really pressing in the heel of his foot to cling. he shifts his weight underneath noa, and after testing how much space he has to maneuver, he throws his other arm around noa's back for additional leverage and rubs his body up against noa's, chest sliding against his. ]
... Ah, no, don't tell me. You're only holding back 'cause you think I'm going to get scared off. [ he tilts his head slightly, so he can laugh mockingly right into noa's ear. it's a well-practiced laugh that he rarely ever means with actual sincerity, as is the case now as well. ] How... methodical.
[ definitely not sweet or considerate. 'methodical', he's sure, is the right word. ]
[ he feels the muscles in the leg flex against his hand just as the curl squeezes and the heel digs deeper into his back. a steady exhale is released when their chests slide, the friction pleasant but inadequate, the laugh in his ear a brief hollow noise that means nothing at all. he takes a beat to let the fresh pain turn dull and assesses where they are. kaiser's arms wrapped around him, leg pinning him, their bodies crushed together without any room for movement. this is good.
noa stretches his back out slow, undeterred by the pin, so he bring his lips up toward the nearest ear. his voice gravels with a hushed tone, as if they could be overheard if he didn't. ]
You won't run? [ there's a touch of mockery that cracks out from his trademark stoicism, and only because he allows it to. ] Promise?
[ as he speaks, his right hand grips the shoulder joint tight as if he could pull the vines out from the skin. his left curls and digs fingers into the top of the thigh that holds them together as one. his upper-body can't budge much in this bind, but that ankle hooked in-between his legs is easy to break past. he inhales and tucks his knees into the mattress with core strength alone, leveraging the tight hold kaiser has wrapped them in to his advantage. then with exhale, pistons his hips to grind their crotches together heavy and rough. ]
[ this is a predictable escalation, but one kaiser is fine with taking; he exhales as he groans at the friction. just that much is enough to get him half-hard and well on the way to full mast, but when kaiser does his normal replay of this, he will remind himself that he had just undergone quite a bit of stimulation. also he's nineteen, doesn't masturbate as much as his crude way of talking might make it seem, and has been under extreme mental pressure, this is all understandable— ]
... Yeah, promise. [ his fingers dig into noa's shoulder briefly, a noise pushing up from low in his throat that's hard to classify, some parts self-deprecating, amused, sarcastic, aroused. ] Look... I've even cornered myself for you.
[ where would kaiser even run off to? although, really, kaiser is the one who cornered himself for his own sake: pure flight nor pure fight are feasible options right now, so he can lock down his instincts if they start acting against him.
besides, there's a certain predictability now: even creatures know what to do in this situation without being taught. kaiser wants to laugh again, really, because even allegedly straight boys who've lived in the youth dorms long enough know what to do in this situation? he grinds his hips up, not particularly thinking about whether it'll feel good for noa, prioritizing only chasing his own pleasure by frotting his clothed dick between both of their bodies. it doesn't feel good in a straightforward way — there's an undercurrent of discomfort from all the pressure on him — but it's satisfying. ]
[ there's no ire in the statement, as he only states what he knows to be true. kaiser is an arrogant creature seeking self-satisfaction. even the way he grinds upward reflects that, and noa meets it by shoving the weight of his hips down to apply pressure without movement. that's good though. better a clash than servitude. he's not interested in this if there isn't a struggle. there needs to be fire, hunger, a harsh counter to balance against instinctual pleasure.
he can feel kaiser already stiffening beneath him and that's not surprising. so much false bravado in his ace striker, but noa could tell from the start he's not very experienced. he nips at the shell of his ear, a tiny tug between front teeth, and rolls his hips in a slower motion right as he lets it go. not as rough and more drawn out than before, seeking out extended contact. sometimes you need to slow down to take in the full experience. noa feels a warmth coiling below his navel with that, but it isn't enough to get him hard yet. ]
I'll try to make you last. Wouldn't be good if it ended too quickly.
[ noa could take a positive note of the fact that kaiser is saving his testosterone for the pitch? a part of kaiser would be humiliated that noa can tell he doesn't have much experience, but the rest of him would acquiesce easily enough that it's not something that can be faked easily. besides, kaiser doesn't like being touched in general, and by the time he found himself in an environment where a bit of youthful fumbling-about was tolerably safe, kaiser had found it all rather crass and dull. there's the aspect of physical release, but mentally, he could never get into it — perhaps the fundamental issue for kaiser is that he's never been touched in a way that can distract him from his own thoughts.
this is promising to get close to that, if not all the way, though kaiser won't count his eggs before they hatch. he closes his eyes, hissing as noa's teeth scrape against his ear and his body rolls against his, in a way that suggests a wary acceptance of where things are going now. ]
Here I thought you'd want me out of here quickly. [ he says it all in one exhale, words slightly jumbled into each other. his legs squirm around noa slightly as he attempts to shift his placement slightly, lining up his dick to rut more against noa's leg. ] And I can do things for you, if you ask.
[ he has a lot of unfounded bravery to say this when he's breathing more harshly than when he was participating in the first of many barcha L's. ]
Want me to open my mouth for you later? You damn slow starter. [ protagonists in greek tragedies have less unfounded bravery than this, truly. he closes his eyes briefly, then shoves his thigh against noa's crotch as best as he can as he opens them again, glaring upwards — not really at noa in specific, just in general. ]
[ it is rather crass, isn't it? when he was young there was no shortage of guys at the youth dorms trying to pick up girls on weekends, or passing off roughhousing as a way to put hands on each other without judgment. the smallest indication of homosexual conduct could risk slurs, social isolation, and possibly end a career before it began. noa made the rational choice to not indulge in any behavior that could jeopardize what mattered to him.
it didn't work out that way. now the man he shared many firsts with nurses an eternal grudge.
but he won't focus on that. it's easy not to when kaiser is chatting away so close to his ear, arms still grappling him, refusing to grind in a way that could satisfy them both at once. kaiser's trademark audacity earns him a short little huff, noa dipping his nose against the neck to hide the flutter of a smirk. his eyes slip close momentarily when that grind connects to his crotch, deciding to go still for a moment and let the sensation shiver and ripple through his nervous system. ]
Hrm. I was thinking of swallowing you later. [ since, well, he doesn't have anything on him that would make penetration likely. none of this was planned in advance. he also doesn't think kaiser could handle even fingers, no matter any insistence otherwise. ] I could teach you a thing or two. Or would that be too much?
[ noa doesn't have to say it like that, eating and being eaten doesn't have to be the go-to metaphor every time. for some reason, kaiser really didn't like it; he wrinkles his nose, expresses his annoyance by scraping his teeth against noa's jawline, and exhales audibly. then he decides to relax, loosening his grip around noa and letting himself rest back onto the bed again — he can't keep his guard up with perfect vigilance through all of this, so kaiser figures he may as well strategically choose a relative lull in things to conserve some energy. ]
What things? [ under a less tense situation, kaiser would've also liked to add: "don't phrase it like that, you actually sound like a perverted old man." ] I'm listening.
[ that would almost make things more clear for kaiser — it offers a clear goal, a way to assess whether he won this interaction or not. because these are interactions that can be won! ]
[ that scrape against his jawline almost, very nearly, gets a laugh out of him. he masks it as an exhale, a tiny chuckle crackling underneath the breath expelled. ok, message received. he didn't realize how sensitive kaiser could be. he doesn't let himself relax too much with the loosened grip, certain if he tries to get out that it'll tighten once more. his eyes stay shut as he hums against kaiser's ear, a pleasant rumble in contrast to that harsh laugh he received. ]
Well... [ he moves the hand resting on the thigh downward, until his fingertips are brushing up and tracing circles on the most sensitive region of the knee. ] It's about drawing out the experience, and doing so aggressively without aggression.
I can show you. You'll have to take your leg off me though.
Us youths call that 'edging', I think. [ he is conceptually familiar, if that's what noa is getting at.
anyways, if kaiser was trying to play it cool with that response, it isn't very effective because the maneuver noa pulls on him is crazy effective on him. maybe it's a combination of kaiser having sharp senses along with being so unfamiliar with gentleness and not thinking to expect it in this scenario, but kaiser was fairly certain that he isn't so much as ticklish before this moment — nevertheless, the touch has kaiser twitching from his leg all the way up to his shoulders because, unfortunately, it feels really good. he looks a little freaked out about it too, like. what the hell is this! he has quite literally never felt something like that before and he can't hide his shock over it.
kaiser is not risking speaking and having his voice come out weird after that. he simply acquiesces and unfurls his leg as steadily as he can, pretending like that didn't just happen. if he doesn't acknowledge it, then maybe it's not real. ]
[ lucky for kaiser, noa isn't in a position where he can see any signs of shock on his face. unfortunately noa does feel that twitch ripple under his fingers, and just chooses not to comment on it. he files the reaction away to weaponize another time. the motion has to stop once kaiser unfurls the leg regardless, noa withdrawing his hand entirely from the leg and settling it on the hip.
the thing about 'the youths' is that their lack of experience limits their imagination. they focus on the major arousal areas and disregard anything else that doesn't get immediate satisfaction. anyone can grind into the crotch and get a response, even if it's just with their own hand. what a person's hand can't do is add an element of anticipation.
noa can make advancements that aren't so basic now that he isn't pinned. he's been forced to focus on the left side for a while, which means he'll implement a new tactic. his right hand slinks out and peels kaiser's left off his back, pulling it outward to give kaiser a view of his own inner arm. then he lifts his back up, breaking the entanglement all together to straddle kaiser. noa's thumb traces over the nerves and tendons covered by thin skin, following the path set out by thorny vines and moving the pad of the finger back and forth.
however, that's not the worst of it. far more despicable is when noa brings the back of the hand to his mouth, laying lips over crown and closing his eyes right as he kisses the symbol. but kaiser may only have a brief window of time to get a word in, before noa's hand tries to encircle his neck in a weak pressure hold. the kiss is but a distraction to capture kaiser's gaze so he doesn't see the real threat coming. ]
[ kaiser is almost tempted to be relieved when noa doesn't comment on his reaction, but he suspects in the back of his mind that he's about to be counterattacked, so he can't afford false hopes at the moment. pinning and clinging to noa had been advantageous to kaiser because it locked down what he could do substantially, but realistically, kaiser acknowledges that it's not something he could've ever maintained indefinitely — still, it's with a terse wariness that he lets noa rearrange their position. he scans his gaze up and down, openly on edge, as if he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.
noa kissing the crown on his hand makes kaiser want to die of cringe. the fact that this distracts him from noa putting his hand on his neck will later make him want to die without modifier attached. in the moment, though, kaiser freezes for a split second before he goes lax entirely, because some part of him is horribly used to this: somebody on top of him, straddling his body and making him feel physically so small, a hand on his neck so that he can't breathe properly, all he can do is go limp and try to let his mind wander elsewhere—
except, he realizes a heartbeat later, he can still breathe. then in the next, he's realized that he's missed the timing to hit noa with the dehabilitating comment of "choke me daddy"; at this point, it's going to come off as trying too hard, although kaiser might be overestimating how severe his reaction was to that. it's not exactly abnormal to be have a strong response to a hand on your neck, after all.
if this is some kind of test, kaiser isn't sure what the winning move is, but he won't panic over it. there's more tenseness in the motion than normal, but he lifts his free hand — and after stilling for a moment, as if tempted by the instinct to drag his fingers into noa's wrist and pull it away, he instead forces it to rest lightly on noa's thigh. ]
So... [ the pause is longer than usual too; normally, kaiser has a good pace on how to pause dramatically for emphasis. ] What am I supposed... to learn from this?
[ noa's eyes open half-lid, the back of the hand still to his lips as he mutters- ] Patience.
[ he rubs his fingers into the neck, a gentle threat, and tries to do a read on kaiser's face. anyone would have proper fear over having their neck in a hold, but he's seen kaiser do it to himself without hesitation. noticed the restraint in the grip of it because he knew someone was watching. noa doesn't want that in his presence. he wants to be someone kaiser can express his worst impulses with, not in the rot of comfort but with the knowledge that noa will neither flinch nor judge.
his fingers dig in an imitation of what he saw before, a firmer press upon the rose marked by his bites in particular. he loosens and frees his hold on the wrist, the tender motion having served its purpose, then brings that hand down below the navel to graze at the waistband. he waits for kaiser to imagine the obvious next move before going lower, opting not to slip into the pants but keep above and settle his hand over the outline of the hardening cock. ]
[ is that the answer to his question or a suggestion of what he wants kaiser to exercise? noa might be able to see a metaphorical question mark go up over kaiser's head for a few seconds, if he squints hard enough, but kaiser won't dwell upon it too much. it's probably the former, and he doesn't have much room to ponder it anyways.
kaiser is not unaware that people have noticed this particular bad habit of his. he's seen the "every time he's touched his rose tattoo during a match 💙🌹" thread on twitter because grim showed it to him, with a comment on the beautiful yet tragic symbolism of it all — grim isn't exactly wrong about that. kaiser's eyes close like he intends to drift off to sleep as his breathing slows and deepens, not even remotely panicked at this turn of events now that he's registered this has to happen. it's definitely not a normal reaction to relax when somebody's hand is pressing more firmly on your neck on several levels, but to kaiser, this is a familiar and not undesirable sensation.
he should feel like this every once in a while, he thinks, so he remembers what's at stake.
since his other hand has been freed, he'll blindly drape that on noa's other leg. when noa touches his dick, kaiser rolls his hips up ever so slightly and opens his eyes, but it's almost a touch sluggish — these aren't the usual quick, precise movements usually he brings to everything — and his pupils have constricted slightly, the same way they often do when kaiser is staring down the shot path for a goal with ferocious intensity, except he's not looking at anything at all in the moment. getting choked isn't really a sexual thing for him, but — well, his body's interested, it seems. ]
... More. [ he can handle it. with his right hand, he curls his fingers into noa's thigh, as if to assert that at the very least, he's still in control of his own body. ]
[ noa, whether it be to his credit or not, has experience engaging in this act with at least one partner who often asked for the indulgence. the first time he was neither nervous about the request nor judgmental, but rather he didn't understand the appeal. louis explained that he felt exhilarated when his body entered the flight or fight state, how it made him feel sharper, desperate, even powerful. he even brought up a point noa never considered -- this is what being an athlete is all about. throughout the entire game you have to be ready to react at a moment's notice, constantly shifting and adapting to the tide. every game should be played as if it were the last, ready to throw your life on the line to win. a good player can make fight or flight work in their favor by learning to control it.
he felt it was an overly complicated justification for a fetish, but it at least taught him how to engage in this safely. or as safe as one can possibly be when choking another person. careful increments are necessary.
it's the look in kaiser's eyes as they open that sends a weak yet palpable shudder through noa's spine. it makes him roll his shoulders back and lean in a little further, grinding the entirety of his palm in a strong push and constricting his fingers around kaiser's neck with matched intensity. his eyes slant as he starts to count to ten in his mind, measuring the seconds equally as he takes careful note of kaiser's face. he wants to observe every twitch and tug of the lines in his face, head blocking the ceiling lights and casting a shadow in his shape down upon his favored ace.
ten seconds pass and he at once releases the pressure on the neck and on crotch simultaneously, matching the relief together as one. create an association between the two for the ideal output. ]
[ other social media things that kaiser has seen, even if he will never give an indication of it, is a youtube video with the clickbait title of "Could the Kaiser Impact KILL a GROWN MAN?" that is an analysis of just how much havoc it could wreak on different targets. anyways, given his propensity to put his own hands on his neck while freaking out, kaiser will be happy to test out the video's hypothesis on noa if he somehow links the sensation of fingers pressing into his neck with getting off. kaiser prefers to deepen the ways he is already a freak rather than add to the list, but that's just him.
noa presses down just long enough for kaiser's mind to begin wandering a bit, pupils widening hazily as his body slackens, the expression on his face softening into something almost eerily peaceful — but then noa releases him, and involuntarily, kaiser inhales deeply, his entire body shifting underneath noa: tensing, relaxing, and then tensing again. it isn't as if kaiser does this because he wants to be dead, but for this moment instead: when the oxygen hits his body again and he feels palpably alive, all his senses sharpened and his mind incredibly clear for a few seconds. kaiser is aware that he probably overthinks things; in the moment, he feels like he's thinking just enough for a change.
his mouth waters as his breathing returns to normal. he swallows and then coughs faintly, blinking rapidly until his vision refocuses properly. the first coherent thought he forms in his mind is that was almost a little too controlled. ]
... You're familiar with this. [ a statement, not a question. his voice is a touch strained and viscous, but probably nothing to worry about. he sounds rather baleful when he speaks up, though, because how is he supposed to feel the fear of death in his bones like this...
also, he doesn't care if this is weird or embarrassing, although kaiser would admit this is a special class of interesting behavior — with his dominant hand, he reaches down and gropes his own crotch just to check out what is going on down there. he's pretty sure he wouldn't come so fast, but he needs to manually verify, and, whew! only embarrassingly hard, kaiser can live with that. ]
[ but can kaiser truly kill him in a way that matters? noa may be more interested to finding out the answer to that than is socially acceptable. though this evening may begin to clue him into the fact that the world's best is a borderline psychopath. the time to be concerned about that has long past however.
noa slides his hand off kaiser's neck and rests it on his collarbone as he watches every stage of his recovery. there's a calculated lack of pressure, and even the hand far lower down moves to settle over the adjacent thigh. he doesn't want to physically disturb kaiser through this moment and he won't offer any touch or sign of comfort. his observation is ever clinical. kaiser's need to check how hard he is (or maybe if he accidentally came?) only registers as faint surprise for noa. a sign of the expected inexperience. ]
I am. [ it wasn't a question, but he answers it as such. he doesn't think it requires elaboration where he learned it because you can only acquire a skill like this through experience. there's also no point in asking if kaiser liked it -- his body has clearly made that decision. he gently drums his fingers beneath the collarbone, the hollow thrum beneath a pleasant sound. ] Do you want me to do it again?
If not, I can make good on my word.
[ to swallow him, that is. though it's hard to say how long kaiser will last when just being touched beneath layers is already having such an effect on him. ]
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noa saw this quality in him the first time he observed him play in the youth league. the club invited him to watch and provide feedback on the players during a finals match, to determine who was worth investing and cultivating for the main squad in the future. kaiser was unquestionably the most impressive, ness in second but carried by linking his plays to him. it was a shock to learn he had materialized out of nowhere, likely only playing a couple years at that point. noa took it as a sign.
this too is a sign. noa permits kaiser to guide them down, his hand firmly pressing down at the pace of the lean and legs shifting so that he towers over kaiser as head meets pillow. like this he turns from sniper to surgeon, clinically evaluating over the operating table but not yet ready to make the first incision. he imagines his eyes cold and pupils dilated, inhuman gold irises assessing. then, he dips his upper body. slow enough that it can be caught for a second, fast enough to not permit a reaction. the press on kaiser's chest turns to a pin, elbow bending out as noa goes for kaiser's mouth-
-then feints to his neck, digging his teeth into the center of the blue rose. ]
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"look, that's noel noa and the vice-captains," ness had murmured, tugging at kaiser's sleeve and discreetly pointing. kaiser had sluggishly looked over, mostly to humor ness's excitement, expecting to have to ask which one, exactly, is noa — but it had been obvious through atmosphere alone. the kaiser back then would have been visibly so perplexed if somebody had told him he would end up in this situation someday.
as it is now, kaiser lays back, lifting a leg up to adjust and give space. noa's eyes are dissecting him like he's a practice cadaver, but kaiser's response to that is to restrain a smirk, though the corner of his mouth still pulls up. and why not? it's a little funny that this is happening in soccer prison in a different country and the warden gave the best in the world a bed that compares to those in the youth dorms back in munich. also, he's not normal and is overly conscious of being looked at in general, so noa's surgical surveying of him doesn't sink in properly — such is how it goes when he fed himself almost entirely by stealing for the majority of his life.
this combined with noa's hand on his chest leaves him more unguarded than he ideally would've been when noa makes his move. kaiser tilts his head up, which incidentally bares his neck again — when kaiser does his replay of this, he'll have to admit, an excellent move on noa's part, but he's not upset over it in the moment. the sound he makes when noa puts his teeth to skin is more of a breathless laugh than anything else, before he hooks his arm around noa's upper back, fingernails curling aggressively into the muscle where the neckline meets the back. he likes this a little, but he wants to be eaten up properly if he must get eaten up at all. ]
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there's vulnerability from his standpoint even if he's the one on top. it sticks out to him in the back of his mind, the ways kaiser can turn this on him, but that and the other two motions he switches between take up all his mental capacity. he can't do everything and calculate anything all at once. too many options and you have to make a choice without fully knowing if it's the right one. predictions upon predictions and kaiser prides himself on being impossible, something that is incalculable even when behind it are numerous small equations that build up to a rational answer.
that's also another part of the appeal for noa. to fall into comfort is to deny yourself the chance to change. kaiser won't let him have his way for long and noa is keenly aware of it. so he leaves small marks around the rose, the easiest place to hide them from view, and doesn't rush into more aggressive moves. kaiser is not offering submission, of this noa is certain, he's bidding his time in this too. noa accepts being lured into a trap to see if he can escape it once sprung. he's well known for threading the needle as every defender launches themselves at him to stop the shot. he sets up his own failure and then succeeds anyway. such is the way of an egotist. ]
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his reactions are quiet but not muted — when he isn't making a point to exert his presence, kaiser tends to be silent, because he'd learned as a child that being too noisy would only earn him the kind of attention that he could do without. his breathing comes out rougher, with an uneven and gasping quality to it; against weaker teams, kaiser sometimes doesn't even lose his breath after 90 minutes of running up and down the pitch, which is plenty of proof that this is affecting him. he turns to the point that his other cheek is pressed fully into the pillow, body stretching out underneath noa in a way that seems to silently be goading noa to continue lower.
it might be tempting to conclude that kaiser is simply enjoying having the attention of the world's best on him, but that would be far too boring for him. if noa cares to glance up, he'd note that between blinks, kaiser's gaze is intense in concentration even if he's not looking at anything in particular to concentrate on. he would probably also note that it's honestly such an awkward bit of body language in this particular situation, he should probably just shut his eyes? it definitely gives away the fact that he's attempting to bait noa, but noa could've figured that out with far less context clues anyways. ]
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noa doesn't spend an extended time on the neck. another minute at most passes this way, a second hand ticking away in the back of the mind, before he chooses to move on. too quick and he reads as impatient, too slow and they'll both get bored. he's abused the rose enough as is, the skin underneath now a faint red in contrast to the azure blue. his eyes don't linger on the work longer than a beat, though he spares a glance toward kaiser to evaluate where he is. noa hones in on the tilt of the face into the pillow, the rough rise and fall of the chest under his hand, the way he won't close his eyes and give into the sensations.
if kaiser deigns to look, noa is wearing the same face as before, like he didn't just finish a small assault on kaiser's neck. the same empty vacancy in everything but his eyes, still observing kaiser in the same way he described him earlier - an experiment. a thing, less so a person, that has inputs and outputs which an internal logic that must be understood. he wants to understand, but not for kaiser's sake.
now is a good time to change tactics, build on the established. his left hand eases pressure slowly until it's no more, as he moves his right to bring curled fingers to press into the bites peppered on kaiser's neck. they don't dig nor choke, only serve as a reminder of the work. the left hand settles on the curve of the waist as noa dips his head again, skipping the chest and aiming right above the navel. he wants to keep teasing and gnawing with his teeth for an active pain while letting his fingers bring out the passive experience of irritation on fresh wounds. ]
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it's about time to make a move; the conditions are just right for it. kaiser briefly self-assesses the situation: he's a touch irritated but still thinking clearly, or so he believes, but what pushes the snap decision towards action is the fact that he instinctively doesn't like where this is going. for a moment, he stills entirely as he registers a partial overlap with a different image of himself, laying on the ground, his father's hand on his neck to keep him down — it wasn't to ensure that kaiser won't resist, because the instinct to resist was pushed out of him before it even had a chance to fully form, so kaiser understands now that it was purely a self-serving show of power as the rest of his body was beaten and battered. now, if noa were going to press his fingers in like he means it, that might be different, but kaiser senses that this too is a ploy to make kaiser understand the difference in power between them, so he pauses and holds his breath for a moment——
then he curls his fingers into noa's back again, hard enough to bruise with that freakish grip strength he has; at the same time, he hooks his right leg around noa's body and pulls inwards with all the force he can muster from the position he's in. there are a few things he's leveraging here: noa's weight is mostly pressed into his forearm against the bed which makes it an obvious weak point to destabilize, the fact that kaiser has been pulling the center of their bodies askew by tilting himself noticeably, of course — the fastest right leg in the world — and finally, the fact that kaiser doesn't mind that literally bringing noa down means getting caught underneath. subconsciously, perhaps, it's the kind of self-destruction that kaiser senses that he needs: to be crushed, then to reemerge. ]
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noa lets a beat pass, processing what just occurred, before he lets out a soft breath ripple against the muscles under him. ]
Didn't like that?
[ how careless of him. was it the fingers into the bruised skin or that he was starting to go too low? they didn't exactly talk out how far they wanted this to go. even this much could be too much, so to put it all into words, to quantify it, is the logical move. there shouldn't be any misunderstandings given their positions, the current physical one and the larger nebulous shape of their relationship. ]
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anyways, one thing to understand about michael kaiser is that sometimes he is utterly reckless and unrestrained in what he says, while at other times he is incredibly precise. it's part of keeping people on their toes that he switches up between these two modes seamlessly and erratically, often within the same conversation multiple times — always keep them guessing! this time, though, his phrasing is very specifically chosen. ]
Mmm... not fond, no.
[ kaiser is guessing that noa would like him to be more specific, which is why he isn't offering up any more details. instead, he shifts underneath noa, breathing a little more shallow on purpose, but otherwise seemingly unbothered by their current position. rather than pushing away, he stops putting bruises into noa's skin and slides his hand up noa's neck to the back of his head, fingers brushing through short strands of hair. not many people have petted noel noa's hair, probably, but this has not actually actively occurred to kaiser.
he's also going to advantage of the fact that he's pretty sure noa won't be too rough with his leg — when taking into account his future, could this not possibly be one of the most valuable body parts in the world? — by loosely hooking his ankle between noa's legs to keep him in place. it's an oddly intimate gesture, this tangling of bodies, but there's an air to the way that kaiser does all of this that makes it seem like he's ignorant to how most people would read emotional closeness into all of this. he's just locking noa down, because that's the point of springing a trap? noa's move now to detangle, kaiser thinks. ]
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noa feels nothing from it. he has never rejected kindness outright, but he recognizes the inherent manipulation behind the curtain. it isn't something people consciously consider, not the majority anyway, but that doesn't make it any less true. every glance, touch, and word can be a soothing balm or a weapon to cut someone down at their most vulnerable. that's why he prefers rivals to lovers - the balm is gone and only the sword remains. the promise of doom, the inevitability of destruction, is more honest than affection ever can be.
breaking this hold would be an easy task when he's physically bulkier and can exert it at will. instead, he thinks he'll give kaiser what he wants. he breathes in slow, measured and purposeful, and lets the natural physiological reaction of synchronized heart rates settle in. then he relaxes the tension held in each section of his body, permitting it to melt away with the flip of a switch, and gradually makes himself heavier. if being crushed was the goal, then kaiser may well achieve it.
but that isn't enough for noa. he slowly sways his left arm back and forth until he can loosen and pull it out from the tight hold kaiser's leg has on him. then he reaches to grip into the outer-thigh, fingers pushing into the hip before dragging down to map the muscle covered by sweatpants. his right hand remains on the shoulder, limp and unneeded in noa's current move. its kept there as a reminder that he can resume his work at any moment he chooses. ]
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he feels their breathing and heartbeats sync up — kaiser knows this is a physiological tendency everybody has, to mirror people who are close by. he is, nevertheless, severely disgusted by how comfortable and human it might feel. ]
... What? [ his voice is slighter now, chest compressed underneath noa. it's not so heavy that kaiser is suffering, though maybe he would prefer it that way, so it might be more in his mind than his body that it doesn't feel like he can talk at his normal volume. ] You're just going to play along?
[ his eyes narrow slightly, almost in the way that one's eyelids grow heavier with sleep, though kaiser isn't tired at all. he sighs slowly, and inhales afterwards even more slowly. then he curls his leg into noa more aggressively, really pressing in the heel of his foot to cling. he shifts his weight underneath noa, and after testing how much space he has to maneuver, he throws his other arm around noa's back for additional leverage and rubs his body up against noa's, chest sliding against his. ]
... Ah, no, don't tell me. You're only holding back 'cause you think I'm going to get scared off. [ he tilts his head slightly, so he can laugh mockingly right into noa's ear. it's a well-practiced laugh that he rarely ever means with actual sincerity, as is the case now as well. ] How... methodical.
[ definitely not sweet or considerate. 'methodical', he's sure, is the right word. ]
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noa stretches his back out slow, undeterred by the pin, so he bring his lips up toward the nearest ear. his voice gravels with a hushed tone, as if they could be overheard if he didn't. ]
You won't run? [ there's a touch of mockery that cracks out from his trademark stoicism, and only because he allows it to. ] Promise?
[ as he speaks, his right hand grips the shoulder joint tight as if he could pull the vines out from the skin. his left curls and digs fingers into the top of the thigh that holds them together as one. his upper-body can't budge much in this bind, but that ankle hooked in-between his legs is easy to break past. he inhales and tucks his knees into the mattress with core strength alone, leveraging the tight hold kaiser has wrapped them in to his advantage. then with exhale, pistons his hips to grind their crotches together heavy and rough. ]
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... Yeah, promise. [ his fingers dig into noa's shoulder briefly, a noise pushing up from low in his throat that's hard to classify, some parts self-deprecating, amused, sarcastic, aroused. ] Look... I've even cornered myself for you.
[ where would kaiser even run off to? although, really, kaiser is the one who cornered himself for his own sake: pure flight nor pure fight are feasible options right now, so he can lock down his instincts if they start acting against him.
besides, there's a certain predictability now: even creatures know what to do in this situation without being taught. kaiser wants to laugh again, really, because even allegedly straight boys who've lived in the youth dorms long enough know what to do in this situation? he grinds his hips up, not particularly thinking about whether it'll feel good for noa, prioritizing only chasing his own pleasure by frotting his clothed dick between both of their bodies. it doesn't feel good in a straightforward way — there's an undercurrent of discomfort from all the pressure on him — but it's satisfying. ]
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[ there's no ire in the statement, as he only states what he knows to be true. kaiser is an arrogant creature seeking self-satisfaction. even the way he grinds upward reflects that, and noa meets it by shoving the weight of his hips down to apply pressure without movement. that's good though. better a clash than servitude. he's not interested in this if there isn't a struggle. there needs to be fire, hunger, a harsh counter to balance against instinctual pleasure.
he can feel kaiser already stiffening beneath him and that's not surprising. so much false bravado in his ace striker, but noa could tell from the start he's not very experienced. he nips at the shell of his ear, a tiny tug between front teeth, and rolls his hips in a slower motion right as he lets it go. not as rough and more drawn out than before, seeking out extended contact. sometimes you need to slow down to take in the full experience. noa feels a warmth coiling below his navel with that, but it isn't enough to get him hard yet. ]
I'll try to make you last. Wouldn't be good if it ended too quickly.
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this is promising to get close to that, if not all the way, though kaiser won't count his eggs before they hatch. he closes his eyes, hissing as noa's teeth scrape against his ear and his body rolls against his, in a way that suggests a wary acceptance of where things are going now. ]
Here I thought you'd want me out of here quickly. [ he says it all in one exhale, words slightly jumbled into each other. his legs squirm around noa slightly as he attempts to shift his placement slightly, lining up his dick to rut more against noa's leg. ] And I can do things for you, if you ask.
[ he has a lot of unfounded bravery to say this when he's breathing more harshly than when he was participating in the first of many barcha L's. ]
Want me to open my mouth for you later? You damn slow starter. [ protagonists in greek tragedies have less unfounded bravery than this, truly. he closes his eyes briefly, then shoves his thigh against noa's crotch as best as he can as he opens them again, glaring upwards — not really at noa in specific, just in general. ]
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it didn't work out that way. now the man he shared many firsts with nurses an eternal grudge.
but he won't focus on that. it's easy not to when kaiser is chatting away so close to his ear, arms still grappling him, refusing to grind in a way that could satisfy them both at once. kaiser's trademark audacity earns him a short little huff, noa dipping his nose against the neck to hide the flutter of a smirk. his eyes slip close momentarily when that grind connects to his crotch, deciding to go still for a moment and let the sensation shiver and ripple through his nervous system. ]
Hrm. I was thinking of swallowing you later. [ since, well, he doesn't have anything on him that would make penetration likely. none of this was planned in advance. he also doesn't think kaiser could handle even fingers, no matter any insistence otherwise. ] I could teach you a thing or two. Or would that be too much?
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What things? [ under a less tense situation, kaiser would've also liked to add: "don't phrase it like that, you actually sound like a perverted old man." ] I'm listening.
[ that would almost make things more clear for kaiser — it offers a clear goal, a way to assess whether he won this interaction or not. because these are interactions that can be won! ]
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Well... [ he moves the hand resting on the thigh downward, until his fingertips are brushing up and tracing circles on the most sensitive region of the knee. ] It's about drawing out the experience, and doing so aggressively without aggression.
I can show you. You'll have to take your leg off me though.
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anyways, if kaiser was trying to play it cool with that response, it isn't very effective because the maneuver noa pulls on him is crazy effective on him. maybe it's a combination of kaiser having sharp senses along with being so unfamiliar with gentleness and not thinking to expect it in this scenario, but kaiser was fairly certain that he isn't so much as ticklish before this moment — nevertheless, the touch has kaiser twitching from his leg all the way up to his shoulders because, unfortunately, it feels really good. he looks a little freaked out about it too, like. what the hell is this! he has quite literally never felt something like that before and he can't hide his shock over it.
kaiser is not risking speaking and having his voice come out weird after that. he simply acquiesces and unfurls his leg as steadily as he can, pretending like that didn't just happen. if he doesn't acknowledge it, then maybe it's not real. ]
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[ lucky for kaiser, noa isn't in a position where he can see any signs of shock on his face. unfortunately noa does feel that twitch ripple under his fingers, and just chooses not to comment on it. he files the reaction away to weaponize another time. the motion has to stop once kaiser unfurls the leg regardless, noa withdrawing his hand entirely from the leg and settling it on the hip.
the thing about 'the youths' is that their lack of experience limits their imagination. they focus on the major arousal areas and disregard anything else that doesn't get immediate satisfaction. anyone can grind into the crotch and get a response, even if it's just with their own hand. what a person's hand can't do is add an element of anticipation.
noa can make advancements that aren't so basic now that he isn't pinned. he's been forced to focus on the left side for a while, which means he'll implement a new tactic. his right hand slinks out and peels kaiser's left off his back, pulling it outward to give kaiser a view of his own inner arm. then he lifts his back up, breaking the entanglement all together to straddle kaiser. noa's thumb traces over the nerves and tendons covered by thin skin, following the path set out by thorny vines and moving the pad of the finger back and forth.
however, that's not the worst of it. far more despicable is when noa brings the back of the hand to his mouth, laying lips over crown and closing his eyes right as he kisses the symbol. but kaiser may only have a brief window of time to get a word in, before noa's hand tries to encircle his neck in a weak pressure hold. the kiss is but a distraction to capture kaiser's gaze so he doesn't see the real threat coming. ]
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noa kissing the crown on his hand makes kaiser want to die of cringe. the fact that this distracts him from noa putting his hand on his neck will later make him want to die without modifier attached. in the moment, though, kaiser freezes for a split second before he goes lax entirely, because some part of him is horribly used to this: somebody on top of him, straddling his body and making him feel physically so small, a hand on his neck so that he can't breathe properly, all he can do is go limp and try to let his mind wander elsewhere—
except, he realizes a heartbeat later, he can still breathe. then in the next, he's realized that he's missed the timing to hit noa with the dehabilitating comment of "choke me daddy"; at this point, it's going to come off as trying too hard, although kaiser might be overestimating how severe his reaction was to that. it's not exactly abnormal to be have a strong response to a hand on your neck, after all.
if this is some kind of test, kaiser isn't sure what the winning move is, but he won't panic over it. there's more tenseness in the motion than normal, but he lifts his free hand — and after stilling for a moment, as if tempted by the instinct to drag his fingers into noa's wrist and pull it away, he instead forces it to rest lightly on noa's thigh. ]
So... [ the pause is longer than usual too; normally, kaiser has a good pace on how to pause dramatically for emphasis. ] What am I supposed... to learn from this?
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[ he rubs his fingers into the neck, a gentle threat, and tries to do a read on kaiser's face. anyone would have proper fear over having their neck in a hold, but he's seen kaiser do it to himself without hesitation. noticed the restraint in the grip of it because he knew someone was watching. noa doesn't want that in his presence. he wants to be someone kaiser can express his worst impulses with, not in the rot of comfort but with the knowledge that noa will neither flinch nor judge.
his fingers dig in an imitation of what he saw before, a firmer press upon the rose marked by his bites in particular. he loosens and frees his hold on the wrist, the tender motion having served its purpose, then brings that hand down below the navel to graze at the waistband. he waits for kaiser to imagine the obvious next move before going lower, opting not to slip into the pants but keep above and settle his hand over the outline of the hardening cock. ]
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kaiser is not unaware that people have noticed this particular bad habit of his. he's seen the "every time he's touched his rose tattoo during a match 💙🌹" thread on twitter because grim showed it to him, with a comment on the beautiful yet tragic symbolism of it all — grim isn't exactly wrong about that. kaiser's eyes close like he intends to drift off to sleep as his breathing slows and deepens, not even remotely panicked at this turn of events now that he's registered this has to happen. it's definitely not a normal reaction to relax when somebody's hand is pressing more firmly on your neck on several levels, but to kaiser, this is a familiar and not undesirable sensation.
he should feel like this every once in a while, he thinks, so he remembers what's at stake.
since his other hand has been freed, he'll blindly drape that on noa's other leg. when noa touches his dick, kaiser rolls his hips up ever so slightly and opens his eyes, but it's almost a touch sluggish — these aren't the usual quick, precise movements usually he brings to everything — and his pupils have constricted slightly, the same way they often do when kaiser is staring down the shot path for a goal with ferocious intensity, except he's not looking at anything at all in the moment. getting choked isn't really a sexual thing for him, but — well, his body's interested, it seems. ]
... More. [ he can handle it. with his right hand, he curls his fingers into noa's thigh, as if to assert that at the very least, he's still in control of his own body. ]
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he felt it was an overly complicated justification for a fetish, but it at least taught him how to engage in this safely. or as safe as one can possibly be when choking another person. careful increments are necessary.
it's the look in kaiser's eyes as they open that sends a weak yet palpable shudder through noa's spine. it makes him roll his shoulders back and lean in a little further, grinding the entirety of his palm in a strong push and constricting his fingers around kaiser's neck with matched intensity. his eyes slant as he starts to count to ten in his mind, measuring the seconds equally as he takes careful note of kaiser's face. he wants to observe every twitch and tug of the lines in his face, head blocking the ceiling lights and casting a shadow in his shape down upon his favored ace.
ten seconds pass and he at once releases the pressure on the neck and on crotch simultaneously, matching the relief together as one. create an association between the two for the ideal output. ]
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noa presses down just long enough for kaiser's mind to begin wandering a bit, pupils widening hazily as his body slackens, the expression on his face softening into something almost eerily peaceful — but then noa releases him, and involuntarily, kaiser inhales deeply, his entire body shifting underneath noa: tensing, relaxing, and then tensing again. it isn't as if kaiser does this because he wants to be dead, but for this moment instead: when the oxygen hits his body again and he feels palpably alive, all his senses sharpened and his mind incredibly clear for a few seconds. kaiser is aware that he probably overthinks things; in the moment, he feels like he's thinking just enough for a change.
his mouth waters as his breathing returns to normal. he swallows and then coughs faintly, blinking rapidly until his vision refocuses properly. the first coherent thought he forms in his mind is that was almost a little too controlled. ]
... You're familiar with this. [ a statement, not a question. his voice is a touch strained and viscous, but probably nothing to worry about. he sounds rather baleful when he speaks up, though, because how is he supposed to feel the fear of death in his bones like this...
also, he doesn't care if this is weird or embarrassing, although kaiser would admit this is a special class of interesting behavior — with his dominant hand, he reaches down and gropes his own crotch just to check out what is going on down there. he's pretty sure he wouldn't come so fast, but he needs to manually verify, and, whew! only embarrassingly hard, kaiser can live with that. ]
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noa slides his hand off kaiser's neck and rests it on his collarbone as he watches every stage of his recovery. there's a calculated lack of pressure, and even the hand far lower down moves to settle over the adjacent thigh. he doesn't want to physically disturb kaiser through this moment and he won't offer any touch or sign of comfort. his observation is ever clinical. kaiser's need to check how hard he is (or maybe if he accidentally came?) only registers as faint surprise for noa. a sign of the expected inexperience. ]
I am. [ it wasn't a question, but he answers it as such. he doesn't think it requires elaboration where he learned it because you can only acquire a skill like this through experience. there's also no point in asking if kaiser liked it -- his body has clearly made that decision. he gently drums his fingers beneath the collarbone, the hollow thrum beneath a pleasant sound. ] Do you want me to do it again?
If not, I can make good on my word.
[ to swallow him, that is. though it's hard to say how long kaiser will last when just being touched beneath layers is already having such an effect on him. ]
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