[ kaiser was not going to wait and just sit there while noa answered, so he'd tucked into that bread a bit more, and was mid-sip when noa hits him with the full-on "i did miss you". this causes him to make a weird sound as a bit of wine goes down the wrong hatch; he swallows and clears his throat to salvage the situation. to put it succinctly: ew yucky! yuck gross disgusting! noa isn't supposed to actually say it, sheesh! ]
... Don't worry, I already knew that I'm your favorite German boy, probably even your favorite European boy, and maybe just your favorite in general. [ please don't agree with any of that. ] Well, thanks so much for considering my position. It's bad enough that I have to put up with Luna, and I doubt the two of you would've taken each other out.
[ but it would be pretty accurate to the rma of today to simply keep buying big name offense! strikers! attacking midfielders! defense who?
kaiser takes another bite of bread, oddly baleful about it. not even his favorite carbohydrate can salvage this situation. ]
... Well, I don't want to hear any more, so there's nothing for you to put up as collateral if you want to continue. Unless you'd like to offer up other private thoughts instead?
--So that's it? You get one win and don't want to keep pushing?
[ how disappointing, and after he nearly chuckled at how put off kaiser was over hearing his thoughts. kaiser might say jarringly sexual things to dig for a reaction, but noa knows that at any moment he can say something affectionate and hit gold. dare he call it cute? kaiser may lose his appetite all together, so he will generously refrain.
noa bites the hearty bread, enjoying the tough crust and the warmth of the crumb, and takes a small sip of wine. it's good, as expected, but there's still time before the main courses come out. ]
I'm a little surprised. Are you becoming more conservative with your boundary pushing?
I didn't say that. And before you start thinking that you've successfully instigated me, I did say you can offer up some other private thoughts.
[ unfortunately, kaiser is somewhat instigated nonetheless... what does he look like, some kind of coward unable to handle a bit of real, genuine talk? he is, but he won't run! ]
How about this... if I win the next coinflip, tell me if you had a reason to give assign me number 10 back then. I've always been a little curious about that.
[ since the number 10 is more associated with the role of the playmaker, which kaiser had thought would be given to ness — the striker's number 9 was always off limits, of course, but kaiser had thought he would probably get assigned 11, a number for forwards. or if not that, then perhaps a nontraditional number altogether, which would have also fit kaiser in his own way. still, the choice of number 10 ended up being prescient in its own way with how things evolved in the end; kaneshiro won't remember that he wrote this, but he did at some point put in the narrative that BM only kicked it to the next gear after kaiser started facilitating...
anyways, kaiser gave up the number 10 jersey when he joined real madrid because he didn't want to compete with sae itoshi for it and took number 17 instead. anyways, this is kaiser's version of astrology, yes. ]
[ there is a reason he picked that number, because noa never does anything without a logical through line that can be clearly followed from point a to b. it isn't a surprise that kaiser would realize that. he spreads the tomato onto the last bits of his bread but doesn't savor it before taking the coin once more. ]
Same rules. [ obvious enough, but should still be stated. the flip is elegant, easy, and when he uncovers it against the back of his hand- ] Heads. I win.
[ said without a trace or hint of excitement, like it's the natural order of the world. time to cough up the elaboration! ]
Don't say that unless you actually feel like this is a victory to you...
[ kaiser thinks everybody should treat knowing what's in his beautiful mind as a win. but many people don't, what's up with that? this absolutely is slight bait to get noa to admit that he actually wants to know what kaiser thinks about things, but kaiser will regret it immediately if noa implies that he does.
better to rip the band-aid off and immediately get into it. he already had it on his mind, since it follows from what he was already saying. ]
... You're going to interpret this in the most unflattering way to me possible, but I think I know myself, and I know that intrinsic motivation only goes so far for me.
[ if anything, kaiser's curse might be knowing himself a little too well — ignorance is bliss, and kaiser has never known bliss. also, to be fair to kaiser, his intrinsic motivation goes much further than most, in spite of the fact that this is a herculean task for somebody with basically no inherent sense of self-worth to accomplish. ]
Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what matters. You being close enough to give me shit for it is a good thing. [ it's the mental pressure, mostly, from being somebody who works better under constraints. kaiser is much less likely to make an unforced error if he feels like somebody will immediately smite him for it. ] Satisfied? Must I say more?
[ he's already said so much. he's said all this and has only eaten a single slice of bread... ]
[ it is a victory though, but then again what does victory mean to a man who has rarely known defeat? kaiser preempting his remarks is akin to injuring his own heel and starting off on the wrong foot, but noa sips his wine and lets him elaborate without interruption. must he say more? hm. ]
No. I think you're right - you play better when you're in the midst of a struggle. Problem is, as you get better, you also don't have as many people who can match you. You have to either hope they turn up, or take measures to force change.
[ he doesn't think he needs to elaborate further on that. maybe the moral of this all is kaiser should find a youth player to mentally torment in order to get himself a better rival out of it! ]
...Let's pause the coin flips here. You look like you're getting sick.
[ 'pause' with the implication that they will continue on later. as much as he enjoys watching kaiser squirm and suffer, they are at a very nice restaurant and noa doesn't want to pay for a meal that kaiser won't be able to eat. ]
[ noa has a point there, especially since kaiser is not above continuing the cycle. and they do oppress the youths at rma (actual)... ]
... Okay. [ there's nothing wrong with taking an out when offered, if it's to one's advantage. ] We should at least do an even number, though. It's more fair that way.
[ kaiser does not quite understand probability, but that's normal for people who spend a lot of time looking at sports statistics. ]
Then, what shall we do. Gossip about the other teams in La Liga? Are you going to tell me how you like living in Barcelona, perhaps?
[ startlingly... normal things to talk about? kaiser's nausea is abating, though, so he'll treat himself to some more bread, glancing out the window for a few moments as if acting on some reflexive instinct to check if others are watching him before returning his attention to eating. ]
Then you can decide when you want to flip it next.
[ that seems the most fair resolution, as then he gets to be the decider of either self-sabotage or victory. noa has gotten what he wants, so he'll grant kaiser the chance to catch up. ]
Hm. Barcelona has been nice. I like that it's warmer than Germany. I also picked a smaller apartment to lease, at least until I decide how long I'll stay here. My contract is only a couple seasons long as a trial run. After that, we will renegotiate. Given my age, they don't seem keen to sign me to anything long-term.
[ this was the unfortunate reality of choosing to leave the comfort of bastards, which would have gladly kept him until he retired, and instead going for a club where he has to establish his worth. indeed, he's one of the oldest players among the ranks. the majority are around kaiser's age. ]
They're still treating you fairly well, then. Real Madrid doesn't give players over thirty more than one or two years on each contract no matter how good the player is.
[ age discrimination... kaiser will be taking advantage of that, though! ]
Any youths you plan to single out and mentally addle in particular? [ or is he still... special? ugh. ] It's a pretty young team, I'm sure that you have options.
[ kaiser says this like he wants them suffering or something, but honestly... barcha is a chill team and not even kaiser dislikes most of the team members. like, what is he supposed to do, be a bachira hater? if this seems like a bad conversational topic, noa should rest assured, kaiser's second choice of question would be to ask if noa can introduce him to the barcha goalkeeper and watch him smoke too... ]
[ unfortunately there is a tragic thing about this that kaiser may not have yet registered: he will also be thirty one day. ]
You make me sound like a monster. [ :) ] Right now, no. Bachira is Lavi's project, and he's not the sort of player I'd want to rival anyway. However, there are some rumors of a prodigy or two that might get fast-tracked from La Masia to the first team. I don't know all the details.
[ there's no need for secrecy around it he thinks, because if it happens it happens. noa has only heard some whispers of it since barcha is hungrier than ever for big wins against re al, and for the publicity a wunderkind brings. he blames pxg thoroughly for this trend in the past few years, all because they upgraded loki to first team at seventeen. of course no club just upgrades teenagers from youth to the starting line-up without some rational behind it, but it's still a shameless attention seeking move at the heart. ]
[ in kaiser's world, he'll always be the dancing queen, sweet and young, only seventeen. also, he plans to follow in toni kroos's footsteps and retire after winning everything he wants to win at at 34... at least, this is the plan in his head. those generally don't go well for him. ]
Hmm... imagine uplifting and mentoring a youth prodigy fast-tracked to the first time. That'd be crazy. [ kaiser's just saying... ] Also, to the contrary, you're no monster, and I don't think of you as one. Monsters defy human understanding and capability, so...
[ not that kaiser would deny that there aren't monsters out there. of course there are: there are monsters who'll hit their children for no reason other than to fortify their own ego, who'll prey upon the weak to make themselves stronger, and who will hurt others who've done nothing to merit it. but from kaiser's perspective, noa is different — because unfortunately, everything that he does makes sense once you realize that everything he does is for the sake of continuing to climb ever higher.
of course, that kaiser thinks that one can always find reason in what noa says or does also says something about kaiser's mindset. ]
You're the worst kind of egoist to deal with as both a teammate and a competitor. That's a compliment, by the way. [ well, yes, but also no. it is also an insult. ]
[ the comment on monsters gets a dry "hah" out of him, quiet and gentle, before he crunches his bread to a finish. there is a duality to being the world's great striker. millions think of him as the goal machine cyborg, a man larger than life, and he embraces that role because it suits him. however, as kaiser correctly observes, he is a man who prides himself on living with a rational thread to all his actions. in that sense, he is very easy to comprehend to those that understand who he is. only few do, and kaiser can count himself among them. ]
Thank you. [ compliment or insult, he will take both. the line is so thin among their ranks anyway. ] I know you wouldn't have it any other way. You enjoy getting thrashed too much - what will you do when I retire?
[ kaiser has at least another decade to look forward to, if not more. he will one day look at his stats, count the seasons, and realize he has spent more time on pitch without noel noa being on the other side. ]
[ there's one of those awkward dining situations where there's an odd number of the appetizer but only two people. kaiser will relieve the awkwardness by taking the extra slice of bread before answering, applaud his thoughtfulness! ]
Oh, you know. Lament, make up ghosts to chase in my mind, have an aimless season that's certainly not bad yet not remarkable... please, do you really think I'd do any of that?
[ they aren't quite cut from the same cloth, but the fabrics are similar enough that kaiser can joke around about this because the thought of it is simply absurd: kaiser is unstable emotionally, but he's not sentimental, and fundamentally more capable of letting go of the unnecessary than most. he'd find a new goal to chase, or a new rival to torment, or something else on the pursuit of ever asserting himself as the best/worst thing in any pro league worth talking about. ]
Others can take the convenient role you hold for me now, but don't worry. You're the only one I'll visit in his retirement home. Doesn't that put you in a good mood?
[ that is to say - he likes kaiser's answer. noa would be disappointed if sentimentality was brought into whatever label their dynamic has after these past few years. if everyone has to go at some point, if they all share the same fate at different intervals in time, then there's no reason to feel either joy or misery. time is cruel and fair in equal measure. an athlete's career has an expiration date in a way many other paths don't, but the only thing to mourn are the ones who quit too soon to ever leave a mark.
(he's made people quit though. it doesn't bother him to acknowledge it - it's also not his fault.) ]
Though if you act like a nuisance, I'll ban you from visitation. [ and what entails being a nuisance? well, kaiser should know. ] What do you think about your teammates' mentality? Do you think you're the hardest worker on pitch?
[ a bit of a swerve because he's not going to be the only one giving gossip today! ]
[ but it should put him in a great mood? and noa should be grateful, it's only a matter of time before kaiser gets to text him "they're cheering for you in this sports bar" when noa gets subbed off early, and then, "they're telling me i should bring you to the glue factory". it could get so much worse than the retirement home! ]
... What a loaded question. If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd think you were out to start something.
[ because kaiser will be honest about this... he has probably been in the sports media more than once for yelling at his teammates for being lazy asses. like jude does on occasion.
but of course, what is said between the two of them has always been in confidence, and this will not change. since kaiser can't be fully honest with almost anybody, he may as well take the opportunity. but he'll have a sip of wine first, for plausible deniability(?) or something. ]
I'm not sure that I'd say I've got the highest work rate on the average day, but I'd say I should be in contention for the most efficient worker almost every match.
[ kaiser will acknowledge he has rather stiff competition for this, though. it's the most decorated club in the world — he should have stiff competition in the first place. ]
As for mentality in general... Do you know this saying? "We rarely think of what we have, but always of what we lack."
[ this could be going in several different directions... kaiser wants to see what noa makes of this set-up first. ]
[ he's right to be mad! but don't yell, because then you look like an emotional clown. hit them with a glare instead, the kind that makes you look like a murderer. that's what noa does at least. the kids call it a menacing aura? ]
I have. It's only natural for people to think of what they lack, because it typically corresponds with what they want. 'Power' at the highest level and something as simple as 'food' at the lowest. It's only when we step back and reflect on the world around us can we observe the fortune we have that so many lack.
[ another symptom of growing up in poverty - as a child, noa thought a lot about how he would put food in his stomach. now he's eating at an expensive restaurant like it's nothing. he's been more fortunate than most and even the same can be said of kaiser. not everyone gets picked up by the president of pifa and given the opportunities that have landed him in this present moment. ]
[ kaiser thinks that he's been tortured enough that he doesn't need to thank ray dark for bailing him out of jail on some kind of faustian bargain, he's paid back his dues. he does, however, say thank you very nicely whenever he gets invited to ray dark's holiday parties... so there's that. but were these sentiments spoken aloud, kaiser would simply agree — he tries to not make the mistake of forgetting that a part of him will always be a downtrodden child whose idea of a great life was being able to eat delicious food whenever he feels like it, because the last time he forgot, he crashed out live on the telly for everybody to see. ]
Well, then, keep in the back of your mind that I'm fully aware that I'm about to lodge a complaint about one of the most ideal competitive environments in the world. [ never let it be said that kaiser isn't self-aware... ] Everybody is talented, of course, but some lack the capacity to truly aspire for greatness. That annoys me sometimes.
[ some who are just happy to have been wanted by the most decorated team in the world, some who want to avoid losing more than they want to win, some who are concerned more with personal status than the noble pursuit of kicking the ball better... also, leonardo luna is there.
but, well, kaiser is clearly not starting any fistfights over it. nor are there any rumors that he plans to leave, so it can't be that bad. ]
Not enough to play too many mindgames over it, though. [ emphasis on "too many". and yes, even if kaiser is grateful in retrospect for all the mental tortures noa put him through, he is allowed to call him out for them, he thinks. ] People are hard to fundamentally change, after all.
Mhm. I think I told you this before, but training someone to play the game better is easier than instilling in them a sense of 'hunger'. Re Al is a fantastic club for vicious and destructive players, but what does that matter if your players revel in the hunt more than the spoils?
They aren't hungry - they just want to lord their supremacy. It can backfire on them easily, and has.
[ luna is a shining example of re al's philosophy, in the same way noa was for bastard. the scion of madrid takes a sadistic pleasure in destroying others no matter the skill level of their opponent. however, that can lead to the sort of arrogant pride that makes them draw what should be an easy game or just barely inch out a win. it's why he would never take an offer from them. barcha is easy going in comparison, but they have a scrappy ambition in them. ]
I agree that people are hard to change. Luckily, you don't need to. You just have to draw out what's already inside them. [ i.e. what he did with kaiser, and even isagi in an accidental fashion. ] Once you understand who someone is, you can understand how to push them in the direction you want. To some degree or another, everyone really just wants to be told what to do to succeed.
I had delusions that people who are tapped to play for Re Al already had that drawn out of them, that's all.
[ and for once, those aren't even delusions that kaiser cooked up in his own mind. he actually had a teeny, tiny bit of idealism left in him and that, too, was broken by reality — alas. ]
Also... no, never mind.
[ kaiser was about to point out the utter absurdity in him, of all people, being in a place to tell people what to do to succeed? him, who pushed back against authority even when authority was correct? him, who is still just barely making it out of toddler years of soccer experience compared to the average player? the fact of the matter is that noa's observation is correct and logical, and anything kaiser has to say against it is driven by his underlying frustration with the situation. there are, objectively, better uses of his energy than screaming "backtrack for the ball, [colorful german expletive here]" while on the pitch.
he feels his increased maturity should be applauded. he tops off both of their glasses with wine instead. ]
Your team has more to prove in the current era, but that's not so bad. It suits you better, I guess. And they've got that factory, so it can't be all that bad.
[ what rma fans picture when la masia is brought up (insert ai generated image of a soccer baby factory)... ]
[ a clipped sigh- ] La Masia is quite efficient as of late. Maybe they want to be the Spanish version of Blue Lock?
[ nearly half the first team are just la masia grown recruits, so can he really argue with the grotesque AI images of women popping babies out on the pitch? but rest assured, no AI could ever create that image of messi cradling a baby lamine yamal in his arms like god and his baby jesus. ]
Don't hold back on my account. Or your own. [ he reaches for the glass, bringing it up to his face and taking in the scent. ] What were you going to say?
[ well, it's hard to argue with the results, that's for sure. what are they putting in the catalan water that's making their youth academy so effective... those are questions not for kaiser to wonder about when, from his perspective, they could always get scouts to snatch up kids off the streets? it seems to work equally well! ]
I was going to say that such a position doesn't really suit me... for a lot of reasons, but I suppose that doesn't matter. If something needs to be done, then it's not as if I can count on somebody else to do it so that I don't have to.
[ who else is going to do it? leonardo luna, who delights in crushing others' ambitions? sae itoshi, ever the people's person? kaiser might giggle over the thought, were he a more jovial sort. he may sooner see a pig fly, or a kid being born in the totally real soccer baby factories. ]
It's not as if you have the personality of a natural-born leader... [ no offense. kaiser's tone is more observational than aggressive when he notes this. ] If you managed, then there's no reason I can't rise to the occasion either.
...No, I suppose I don't have that quality about me.
[ back during the NEL there was a poll watchers could take that asked them to rank the best coaches of the league. snuffy of course won without much contest, but more interesting to noa was how low he ranked. the most generous ranking was in third, but he was largely thrown into fourth and fifth despite the fact that his club won every match. it didn't offend him - on the contrary, it made him reflect a lot on leadership as a whole. ]
But you're right - you can't rely on others to enact the change you want to see. You have to be the one to push for it. And if you're smart about it, you'll see them change without them even realizing you had any part in it at all.
[ and then he takes a sip of his wine like he didn't say something insane just now. ]
I think you overestimate how subtle your influence is, actually. [ though kaiser is certainly biased on that... ] Not that I'd consider subtlety very important when it comes to influencing others, to be honest. And, at least for me, it's probably something of a lost cause.
[ the last subtle thing he did was gaslight a kid into becoming his slave puppy and that was fairly obvious to most people around him over time, so that ship has probably already sailed, ahem. copping a fake extrovert personality has once again come back to bite kaiser in this aspect, but he doesn't mind too much either way. there's advantages to leaving his fingerprints on his handiwork, he feels. also, once again he has to reflect upon how he's made all of this harder on himself by leaving bastard munchen, where all of this would've been much more straightforward than the minefield that is re al. oops! ]
... I'm not saying this to complain, but I feel that this all shouldn't be necessary in the first place. [ everybody needs to just... get on the grindset!! ]
[ he will not point out that he was subtle enough that kaiser did not realize what he was doing for well over a couple months at blue lock! that it did not occur to him to wonder why noa is taking so much interest in a random japanese kid versus the star youth striker of their shared team. he won't say it... he will think it... he also enjoys watching kaiser trip into his own problems too much to call it a passing amusement. his favorite clown prince of football indeed. ]
It is necessary. That's what it means to be human - conflict, strife, these are all in our nature. Those craving stability are also craving a life free of change, and the capacity for it. And more players than not hit a ceiling where they no longer want to challenge themselves, yet desire the acknowledgment of the world that they are flawless.
[ he's not going to say the name 'julien loki' here but, again, he is thinking it. it's at the center of their conflict - loki wants to be a god and noa will never treat him as such. he is gifted and defines himself by those gifts. that's a losing mentality in the long stretch of time (see mbappe having to seriously compete with lewandoski this season when he should realistically be running circles around a striker ten years older than him) ]
[ when a washed lewy wins the pichichi again and rma is forced to boycott another trophy... that is what an ideal society looks like.
but to that point, kaiser makes what can only be described as a german sound of vague discontent before adding, more coherently: ] So neither their home lives nor their youth academies damaged them sufficiently. Alright. I guess I have no choice but to provide that experience for them.
[ although kaiser isn't entirely serious about that; kaiser is aware that some people simply have It and some people never will, no matter how hard they try. also, unfortunately, kaiser is realizing that he can personally understand and relate to all the men who have severely rattled his psyche — it's not just about wanting a rival with sufficient talent, but also a certain kind of hunger. kaiser will keep this in mind when he chooses somebody to damage at a deep and systematic level himself...
he glances aside, a brief and subtle motion, the same way kaiser might quickly look over his shoulder before making a run down the pitch. he's checking to see if there's anything suggesting their entrees might be coming so that he can plan his next conversational topic, like a normal person does. ]
One more coin flip before our food comes out? You have to tell me what question you want answered first, though.
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... Don't worry, I already knew that I'm your favorite German boy, probably even your favorite European boy, and maybe just your favorite in general. [ please don't agree with any of that. ] Well, thanks so much for considering my position. It's bad enough that I have to put up with Luna, and I doubt the two of you would've taken each other out.
[ but it would be pretty accurate to the rma of today to simply keep buying big name offense! strikers! attacking midfielders! defense who?
kaiser takes another bite of bread, oddly baleful about it. not even his favorite carbohydrate can salvage this situation. ]
... Well, I don't want to hear any more, so there's nothing for you to put up as collateral if you want to continue. Unless you'd like to offer up other private thoughts instead?
no subject
[ how disappointing, and after he nearly chuckled at how put off kaiser was over hearing his thoughts. kaiser might say jarringly sexual things to dig for a reaction, but noa knows that at any moment he can say something affectionate and hit gold. dare he call it cute? kaiser may lose his appetite all together, so he will generously refrain.
noa bites the hearty bread, enjoying the tough crust and the warmth of the crumb, and takes a small sip of wine. it's good, as expected, but there's still time before the main courses come out. ]
I'm a little surprised. Are you becoming more conservative with your boundary pushing?
no subject
[ unfortunately, kaiser is somewhat instigated nonetheless... what does he look like, some kind of coward unable to handle a bit of real, genuine talk? he is, but he won't run! ]
How about this... if I win the next coinflip, tell me if you had a reason to give assign me number 10 back then. I've always been a little curious about that.
[ since the number 10 is more associated with the role of the playmaker, which kaiser had thought would be given to ness — the striker's number 9 was always off limits, of course, but kaiser had thought he would probably get assigned 11, a number for forwards. or if not that, then perhaps a nontraditional number altogether, which would have also fit kaiser in his own way. still, the choice of number 10 ended up being prescient in its own way with how things evolved in the end; kaneshiro won't remember that he wrote this, but he did at some point put in the narrative that BM only kicked it to the next gear after kaiser started facilitating...
anyways, kaiser gave up the number 10 jersey when he joined real madrid because he didn't want to compete with sae itoshi for it and took number 17 instead. anyways, this is kaiser's version of astrology, yes. ]
no subject
[ there is a reason he picked that number, because noa never does anything without a logical through line that can be clearly followed from point a to b. it isn't a surprise that kaiser would realize that. he spreads the tomato onto the last bits of his bread but doesn't savor it before taking the coin once more. ]
Same rules. [ obvious enough, but should still be stated. the flip is elegant, easy, and when he uncovers it against the back of his hand- ] Heads. I win.
[ said without a trace or hint of excitement, like it's the natural order of the world. time to cough up the elaboration! ]
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[ kaiser thinks everybody should treat knowing what's in his beautiful mind as a win. but many people don't, what's up with that? this absolutely is slight bait to get noa to admit that he actually wants to know what kaiser thinks about things, but kaiser will regret it immediately if noa implies that he does.
better to rip the band-aid off and immediately get into it. he already had it on his mind, since it follows from what he was already saying. ]
... You're going to interpret this in the most unflattering way to me possible, but I think I know myself, and I know that intrinsic motivation only goes so far for me.
[ if anything, kaiser's curse might be knowing himself a little too well — ignorance is bliss, and kaiser has never known bliss. also, to be fair to kaiser, his intrinsic motivation goes much further than most, in spite of the fact that this is a herculean task for somebody with basically no inherent sense of self-worth to accomplish. ]
Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what matters. You being close enough to give me shit for it is a good thing. [ it's the mental pressure, mostly, from being somebody who works better under constraints. kaiser is much less likely to make an unforced error if he feels like somebody will immediately smite him for it. ] Satisfied? Must I say more?
[ he's already said so much. he's said all this and has only eaten a single slice of bread... ]
no subject
No. I think you're right - you play better when you're in the midst of a struggle. Problem is, as you get better, you also don't have as many people who can match you. You have to either hope they turn up, or take measures to force change.
[ he doesn't think he needs to elaborate further on that. maybe the moral of this all is kaiser should find a youth player to mentally torment in order to get himself a better rival out of it! ]
...Let's pause the coin flips here. You look like you're getting sick.
[ 'pause' with the implication that they will continue on later. as much as he enjoys watching kaiser squirm and suffer, they are at a very nice restaurant and noa doesn't want to pay for a meal that kaiser won't be able to eat. ]
no subject
... Okay. [ there's nothing wrong with taking an out when offered, if it's to one's advantage. ] We should at least do an even number, though. It's more fair that way.
[ kaiser does not quite understand probability, but that's normal for people who spend a lot of time looking at sports statistics. ]
Then, what shall we do. Gossip about the other teams in La Liga? Are you going to tell me how you like living in Barcelona, perhaps?
[ startlingly... normal things to talk about? kaiser's nausea is abating, though, so he'll treat himself to some more bread, glancing out the window for a few moments as if acting on some reflexive instinct to check if others are watching him before returning his attention to eating. ]
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[ that seems the most fair resolution, as then he gets to be the decider of either self-sabotage or victory. noa has gotten what he wants, so he'll grant kaiser the chance to catch up. ]
Hm. Barcelona has been nice. I like that it's warmer than Germany. I also picked a smaller apartment to lease, at least until I decide how long I'll stay here. My contract is only a couple seasons long as a trial run. After that, we will renegotiate. Given my age, they don't seem keen to sign me to anything long-term.
[ this was the unfortunate reality of choosing to leave the comfort of bastards, which would have gladly kept him until he retired, and instead going for a club where he has to establish his worth. indeed, he's one of the oldest players among the ranks. the majority are around kaiser's age. ]
no subject
[ age discrimination... kaiser will be taking advantage of that, though! ]
Any youths you plan to single out and mentally addle in particular? [ or is he still... special? ugh. ] It's a pretty young team, I'm sure that you have options.
[ kaiser says this like he wants them suffering or something, but honestly... barcha is a chill team and not even kaiser dislikes most of the team members. like, what is he supposed to do, be a bachira hater? if this seems like a bad conversational topic, noa should rest assured, kaiser's second choice of question would be to ask if noa can introduce him to the barcha goalkeeper and watch him smoke too... ]
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You make me sound like a monster. [ :) ] Right now, no. Bachira is Lavi's project, and he's not the sort of player I'd want to rival anyway. However, there are some rumors of a prodigy or two that might get fast-tracked from La Masia to the first team. I don't know all the details.
[ there's no need for secrecy around it he thinks, because if it happens it happens. noa has only heard some whispers of it since barcha is hungrier than ever for big wins against re al, and for the publicity a wunderkind brings. he blames pxg thoroughly for this trend in the past few years, all because they upgraded loki to first team at seventeen. of course no club just upgrades teenagers from youth to the starting line-up without some rational behind it, but it's still a shameless attention seeking move at the heart. ]
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Hmm... imagine uplifting and mentoring a youth prodigy fast-tracked to the first time. That'd be crazy. [ kaiser's just saying... ] Also, to the contrary, you're no monster, and I don't think of you as one. Monsters defy human understanding and capability, so...
[ not that kaiser would deny that there aren't monsters out there. of course there are: there are monsters who'll hit their children for no reason other than to fortify their own ego, who'll prey upon the weak to make themselves stronger, and who will hurt others who've done nothing to merit it. but from kaiser's perspective, noa is different — because unfortunately, everything that he does makes sense once you realize that everything he does is for the sake of continuing to climb ever higher.
of course, that kaiser thinks that one can always find reason in what noa says or does also says something about kaiser's mindset. ]
You're the worst kind of egoist to deal with as both a teammate and a competitor. That's a compliment, by the way. [ well, yes, but also no. it is also an insult. ]
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Thank you. [ compliment or insult, he will take both. the line is so thin among their ranks anyway. ] I know you wouldn't have it any other way. You enjoy getting thrashed too much - what will you do when I retire?
[ kaiser has at least another decade to look forward to, if not more. he will one day look at his stats, count the seasons, and realize he has spent more time on pitch without noel noa being on the other side. ]
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Oh, you know. Lament, make up ghosts to chase in my mind, have an aimless season that's certainly not bad yet not remarkable... please, do you really think I'd do any of that?
[ they aren't quite cut from the same cloth, but the fabrics are similar enough that kaiser can joke around about this because the thought of it is simply absurd: kaiser is unstable emotionally, but he's not sentimental, and fundamentally more capable of letting go of the unnecessary than most. he'd find a new goal to chase, or a new rival to torment, or something else on the pursuit of ever asserting himself as the best/worst thing in any pro league worth talking about. ]
Others can take the convenient role you hold for me now, but don't worry. You're the only one I'll visit in his retirement home. Doesn't that put you in a good mood?
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[ that is to say - he likes kaiser's answer. noa would be disappointed if sentimentality was brought into whatever label their dynamic has after these past few years. if everyone has to go at some point, if they all share the same fate at different intervals in time, then there's no reason to feel either joy or misery. time is cruel and fair in equal measure. an athlete's career has an expiration date in a way many other paths don't, but the only thing to mourn are the ones who quit too soon to ever leave a mark.
(he's made people quit though. it doesn't bother him to acknowledge it - it's also not his fault.) ]
Though if you act like a nuisance, I'll ban you from visitation. [ and what entails being a nuisance? well, kaiser should know. ] What do you think about your teammates' mentality? Do you think you're the hardest worker on pitch?
[ a bit of a swerve because he's not going to be the only one giving gossip today! ]
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... What a loaded question. If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd think you were out to start something.
[ because kaiser will be honest about this... he has probably been in the sports media more than once for yelling at his teammates for being lazy asses. like jude does on occasion.
but of course, what is said between the two of them has always been in confidence, and this will not change. since kaiser can't be fully honest with almost anybody, he may as well take the opportunity. but he'll have a sip of wine first, for plausible deniability(?) or something. ]
I'm not sure that I'd say I've got the highest work rate on the average day, but I'd say I should be in contention for the most efficient worker almost every match.
[ kaiser will acknowledge he has rather stiff competition for this, though. it's the most decorated club in the world — he should have stiff competition in the first place. ]
As for mentality in general... Do you know this saying? "We rarely think of what we have, but always of what we lack."
[ this could be going in several different directions... kaiser wants to see what noa makes of this set-up first. ]
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I have. It's only natural for people to think of what they lack, because it typically corresponds with what they want. 'Power' at the highest level and something as simple as 'food' at the lowest. It's only when we step back and reflect on the world around us can we observe the fortune we have that so many lack.
[ another symptom of growing up in poverty - as a child, noa thought a lot about how he would put food in his stomach. now he's eating at an expensive restaurant like it's nothing. he's been more fortunate than most and even the same can be said of kaiser. not everyone gets picked up by the president of pifa and given the opportunities that have landed him in this present moment. ]
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Well, then, keep in the back of your mind that I'm fully aware that I'm about to lodge a complaint about one of the most ideal competitive environments in the world. [ never let it be said that kaiser isn't self-aware... ] Everybody is talented, of course, but some lack the capacity to truly aspire for greatness. That annoys me sometimes.
[ some who are just happy to have been wanted by the most decorated team in the world, some who want to avoid losing more than they want to win, some who are concerned more with personal status than the noble pursuit of kicking the ball better... also, leonardo luna is there.
but, well, kaiser is clearly not starting any fistfights over it. nor are there any rumors that he plans to leave, so it can't be that bad. ]
Not enough to play too many mindgames over it, though. [ emphasis on "too many". and yes, even if kaiser is grateful in retrospect for all the mental tortures noa put him through, he is allowed to call him out for them, he thinks. ] People are hard to fundamentally change, after all.
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They aren't hungry - they just want to lord their supremacy. It can backfire on them easily, and has.
[ luna is a shining example of re al's philosophy, in the same way noa was for bastard. the scion of madrid takes a sadistic pleasure in destroying others no matter the skill level of their opponent. however, that can lead to the sort of arrogant pride that makes them draw what should be an easy game or just barely inch out a win. it's why he would never take an offer from them. barcha is easy going in comparison, but they have a scrappy ambition in them. ]
I agree that people are hard to change. Luckily, you don't need to. You just have to draw out what's already inside them. [ i.e. what he did with kaiser, and even isagi in an accidental fashion. ] Once you understand who someone is, you can understand how to push them in the direction you want. To some degree or another, everyone really just wants to be told what to do to succeed.
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[ and for once, those aren't even delusions that kaiser cooked up in his own mind. he actually had a teeny, tiny bit of idealism left in him and that, too, was broken by reality — alas. ]
Also... no, never mind.
[ kaiser was about to point out the utter absurdity in him, of all people, being in a place to tell people what to do to succeed? him, who pushed back against authority even when authority was correct? him, who is still just barely making it out of toddler years of soccer experience compared to the average player? the fact of the matter is that noa's observation is correct and logical, and anything kaiser has to say against it is driven by his underlying frustration with the situation. there are, objectively, better uses of his energy than screaming "backtrack for the ball, [colorful german expletive here]" while on the pitch.
he feels his increased maturity should be applauded. he tops off both of their glasses with wine instead. ]
Your team has more to prove in the current era, but that's not so bad. It suits you better, I guess. And they've got that factory, so it can't be all that bad.
[ what rma fans picture when la masia is brought up (insert ai generated image of a soccer baby factory)... ]
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[ nearly half the first team are just la masia grown recruits, so can he really argue with the grotesque AI images of women popping babies out on the pitch? but rest assured, no AI could ever create that image of messi cradling a baby lamine yamal in his arms like god and his baby jesus. ]
Don't hold back on my account. Or your own. [ he reaches for the glass, bringing it up to his face and taking in the scent. ] What were you going to say?
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I was going to say that such a position doesn't really suit me... for a lot of reasons, but I suppose that doesn't matter. If something needs to be done, then it's not as if I can count on somebody else to do it so that I don't have to.
[ who else is going to do it? leonardo luna, who delights in crushing others' ambitions? sae itoshi, ever the people's person? kaiser might giggle over the thought, were he a more jovial sort. he may sooner see a pig fly, or a kid being born in the totally real soccer baby factories. ]
It's not as if you have the personality of a natural-born leader... [ no offense. kaiser's tone is more observational than aggressive when he notes this. ] If you managed, then there's no reason I can't rise to the occasion either.
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[ back during the NEL there was a poll watchers could take that asked them to rank the best coaches of the league. snuffy of course won without much contest, but more interesting to noa was how low he ranked. the most generous ranking was in third, but he was largely thrown into fourth and fifth despite the fact that his club won every match. it didn't offend him - on the contrary, it made him reflect a lot on leadership as a whole. ]
But you're right - you can't rely on others to enact the change you want to see. You have to be the one to push for it. And if you're smart about it, you'll see them change without them even realizing you had any part in it at all.
[ and then he takes a sip of his wine like he didn't say something insane just now. ]
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[ the last subtle thing he did was gaslight a kid into becoming his slave puppy and that was fairly obvious to most people around him over time, so that ship has probably already sailed, ahem. copping a fake extrovert personality has once again come back to bite kaiser in this aspect, but he doesn't mind too much either way. there's advantages to leaving his fingerprints on his handiwork, he feels. also, once again he has to reflect upon how he's made all of this harder on himself by leaving bastard munchen, where all of this would've been much more straightforward than the minefield that is re al. oops! ]
... I'm not saying this to complain, but I feel that this all shouldn't be necessary in the first place. [ everybody needs to just... get on the grindset!! ]
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It is necessary. That's what it means to be human - conflict, strife, these are all in our nature. Those craving stability are also craving a life free of change, and the capacity for it. And more players than not hit a ceiling where they no longer want to challenge themselves, yet desire the acknowledgment of the world that they are flawless.
[ he's not going to say the name 'julien loki' here but, again, he is thinking it. it's at the center of their conflict - loki wants to be a god and noa will never treat him as such. he is gifted and defines himself by those gifts. that's a losing mentality in the long stretch of time (see mbappe having to seriously compete with lewandoski this season when he should realistically be running circles around a striker ten years older than him) ]
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but to that point, kaiser makes what can only be described as a german sound of vague discontent before adding, more coherently: ] So neither their home lives nor their youth academies damaged them sufficiently. Alright. I guess I have no choice but to provide that experience for them.
[ although kaiser isn't entirely serious about that; kaiser is aware that some people simply have It and some people never will, no matter how hard they try. also, unfortunately, kaiser is realizing that he can personally understand and relate to all the men who have severely rattled his psyche — it's not just about wanting a rival with sufficient talent, but also a certain kind of hunger. kaiser will keep this in mind when he chooses somebody to damage at a deep and systematic level himself...
he glances aside, a brief and subtle motion, the same way kaiser might quickly look over his shoulder before making a run down the pitch. he's checking to see if there's anything suggesting their entrees might be coming so that he can plan his next conversational topic, like a normal person does. ]
One more coin flip before our food comes out? You have to tell me what question you want answered first, though.
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