You know the deal. Explain why I should let you stay, rationally, and don't bother with emotional appeals.
[ he's curious to see where kaiser can go with this. noa is far more inclined to say no and force him out, but he wants to see if kaiser can give him a reason to not. he's not opposed to being surprised. ]
I'll give you an answer, but after I do, will you explain why you have any rational reason to not let me stay?
[ he may or may not be buying time to cook something up in his wonderful, unique mind. but also, kaiser feels like it might actually be difficult for noa to come up with an answer that isn't also compromising — kaiser already made noa agree that conventional social norms shouldn't matter, and as for the matter of space... well, he feels like noa is comfy enough with how much space he's been given, or else he would've moved already? ]
If a stray dog was sitting on your doorstep, but you didn't need to open the door in the first place, then why shoo it away? [ this makes more sense from kaiser's perspective, as a stray dog liker. ]
[ it's a trade off then. can kaiser come up with an argument that noa can't refute? he's not unreasonable, but he's certainly skeptical. he's already allowed kaiser a lot of leeway tonight, more than he ever should have, so it's time to start pushing back. ]
Strays make demands on the basis of being stray. They're wild animals who depend on mercy, seeking a source of food. I wouldn't shoo them away -- I simply wouldn't give them anything. They leave on their own in time.
[ wrong, strays are wonderful independent creatures that kaiser likes so much... but he doesn't feel like going to bat for his taste in animals at the moment, especially because kaiser has finished cooking up his answer. he had thought about arguing that it would improve his morale, which could only help the current state of his game, but he's certain that this would not compel noa. no, kaiser's pretty sure that he needs to continue being audacious with this. ]
At this point, if you deny me, then I'm going to assume the reason you're saying no is that you're concerned allowing it will be... personally compromising for you. [ to put it one way. but of course, the kicker: ] And I will change my behavior accordingly.
[ ... to make noa's quality of daily life worse, of course. this might also be slightly spitefully in direct response to noa asking him if he's being provocative or dumb — has noa considered that maybe kaiser will take that as a cue, not a warning? ]
[ the morale argument would not sway him because a. emotional so denied, and b. noa wants the morale to get worse. but yes, kaiser has the right idea on this situation. he's never going to say a word about this to anyone, but will kaiser? he doesn't think so, but he senses the lack of confidence in his own appraisal. kaiser is volatile and capricious, sometimes easy to predict and less so otherwise. ]
What changes will you make? Provide details.
[ he's not going to make assumptions. he needs more information to make a determination. ]
[ for the record, no, kaiser would not say anything, because if people started thinking that he's noel noa's little bitch boy, then kaiser would have to do something drastic and unnecessary over it. but he's happy to leave noa guessing on the matter, and does realize that one of his few advantages is that noa hasn't been able to predict his volatility perfectly in the past. ]
If you stop trapping me here, then I can even give you an example. If you're not scared?
[ is that too obvious of a provocation? if it is, then kaiser thinks that noa shouldn't have said that kaiser tries to act provocative! you reap what you sow, and noa should keep that in mind as he attempts to nurture the inherent insanity in kaiser's mind. ]
[ bait used to be believable... this is very obviously a trap. but of what sort? sometimes the only way to move forward is to allow the trap to go off, while being cautious enough to not get caught.
there's a deliberate pause as he feigns consideration of a decision he's already made, letting seconds stretch on. then he lifts up and swings his legs off the bed, mattress sinking as he takes a seated position. noa twists in spot to stay tuned for kaiser's next move now that he's free, his expression neutral even as his gaze betrays interest.
no need to say anything. he's passed the ball willingly, so now let's see what happens. ]
[ ah, sweet freedom... honestly, the best move here would probably be to leave, but kaiser doesn't know how to quit once he's in it. so instead, he also sits up and scootches nice and close up to noa, the side of the arm closer to him brushing up against him. noa may have guessed this about kaiser after their unhinged road trip, but kaiser considers one of his acquired skills the ability to judge the distance he should keep between himself and others to make his point — there is a deliberate intent to not cling, but to make his presence close, known, and unable to be easily ignored. noa can, as he pleases, imagine receiving this treatment in general from now on, including and especially in front of others. ]
So, I think it's your turn to answer now.
[ is there a rational reason to not allow it? well, there are plenty, actually, but that doesn't mean it'll convince kaiser. he leans in a little, pretending to be listening attentively, tilting his head forward in a way that has a few of the longer strands of his hair falling against noa's shoulder... again, noa can imagine this becoming the default distance kaiser will be keeping between them as he pleases.
to up the ante unnecessarily: but without leaning away, he reaches up to unzip the training jacket he's wearing about halfway down, to expose a bit of bare collarbone and shoulder. it's not a strange amount of skin for kaiser to show — if anything, it's the amount he shows in front of most other people, but kaiser is usually literally fairly buttoned-up in front of noa. ]
[ part of being an analytical cyborg that processes dozens of details every second, piling micro-decision on micro-decision up, is recognizing when you're tipping into overthink. when your thoughts become a distraction and noise to the present events, you need to discard and reset. that's what noa experiences in an instant when kaiser starts coming in close. is he being baited or is this real? no, that's the wrong question. regardless of why kaiser is doing this, noa has to decide if he'll allow it.
so that's what kaiser meant earlier - he's given his answer and now it's noa's turn. is there a reason he shouldn't allow this? plenty. he only needs to rub two braincells together to come up with a lengthy list to not proceed further. even so, he isn't pushing kaiser back and ending the night. maybe he wants to see if kaiser can actually live up to how shameless he's acting.
he keeps his eyes on kaiser's face, not giving any attention to the zip-down and what it promises. noa is quiet for a beat, intentionally, then lets out a quiet scoff. ]
I don't think you know what you're getting into here.
[ like, of course he knows, but does he know? noa doesn't think so. he remembers how fast kaiser was overwhelmed the last time they tangled. it won't be worth his time if they try again and it ends so fast. ]
And I think you're getting ahead of yourself, actually. Is this so different from how I treat other people?
[ this is the guy who introduced himself to blue lock by putting his hand to isagi's chin and then grabbing him by both wrists, and he gets handsy with ness on the regular — but ness knows that he's stuck in the cuck chair forever, so maybe that shouldn't be allowed as a point of reference. if anything, kaiser simply treats noa with a modicum of respect more than everybody else by being restrained in front of him.
so put altogether, kaiser is undoubtedly being forward relative to his usual behavior — and he's using plausible deniability to insist that this is "normal" for him, for a certain definition of normal. does kaiser know what he's getting into? he doesn't have an answer to that either! ]
It's not as if I clambered right into your lap or something, relax. And answer the question already, or I'm going to start thinking you don't have an answer.
[ provocative or dense? kaiser can act provocative and dense all at once, alright. ]
[ of course kaiser keeps himself in check when they're together - he's noel noa, the "world's best", the "captain", the "insert title foisted upon him" here. whether it's out of respect or an understanding that he's an authority figure, there's a sense of what behaviors they should and shouldn't engage in. a boundary, in other words. they've crossed a lot of boundaries though, here and other times. this isn't even the worst instance so far (though that may well change at this rate...)
but he's not unaware of kaiser's penchant for acting a bit like a peacock, spreading his feathers and making a scene to posture his superiority. flashy and ruthless in equal measure to strike maximum damage into the enemy's heart. not noa's style in the slightest. he plays and scores because that's what he does for a living, and his rivals drop like flies because they can't keep up.
he doesn't want hollow kaiser out before he's gotten everything he wants out of him. ]
What was the question again - 'do I have a reason to not let you stay'? [ plenty. but he's going to go for the biggest one- ] Top of mind: you're not ready for this. I don't think you can handle it. And you might feel offended, but that's my assessment.
[ damn what is this! can't kaiser just want to peacefully co-sleep to prevent the nightmares?! he doesn't, but can't he? ]
Am I so damn irresistible that you won't be able to help yourself? The cyborg Noel Noa can't stay rational in front of something like me? [ if ness said something like that to him, kaiser would be saying the most vile things about what a useless dog he is, for the record. ] That's not my problem, it's yours. Or, what, is that your way of showing compassion to me?
[ he doesn't need that! kaiser visibly resists the urge to roll his eyes, but he does arrogantly and unnecessarily toss his hair over his shoulder. of course kaiser is offended, but more than that, he thinks this is simply a bad reason. if he chooses to play with fire and gets burned, well... that's just been his entire blue lock experience so far, what else is new. at least give him a reason that he has to create crazy logic to argue against, instead of one that he doesn't respect at all! ]
[ the chance to sleep has passed. they're really in it now, ariana. ]
Have I ever shown you compassion? That's not my way.
[ that is, without question, the last thing on his mind in this situation. he affords no one compassion, not even himself, because comfort is a prison of safe delusion people trap themselves in. people may misinterpret him as kind at times, because he takes an action deemed that on a surface level, but he knows nothing he has ever said or done is motivated out of some intrinsic value that he must be a good samaritan.
so, he'll make it more clear: ]
As I told you earlier - we're not equals. You wouldn't challenge me the way I want.
[ as ever, it's always a game. he doesn't want to waste time playing against people who don't make it worth his while. it's the same logic as to why he never uses that nonsensical star system until one of his obnoxious peers decides to put themselves in. ]
If this isn't showing me compassion, then explain to me what all this moaning and groaning is. [ truthfully, kaiser knows it is absolutely not compassion. he just wants to hear what it actually is. ] You don't want to break a toy before you've enjoyed playing with it properly, is that what this is? Again, that's your problem.
[ somebody teach this grown ass man how to play with his toys nicely... but if that's what this is, then kaiser is pissed. that is not very rational sounding to him! control thyself better!! ]
Fucking hypocrite. [ he's jabbing his elbow into noa's ribs briefly, because he can no longer resist the temptation given his frustration with the situation. forget all the small wins he has gotten tonight! kaiser is NOT going to sleep if he doesn't get the last win! ] What about that is rational and logical.
[ he swats the elbow away as the jab draws the tiniest roblox 'oof' out of him. is he being hypocritical? he thinks it all makes perfect sense. then again, taking a moment to reflect, he can see it from the other side too. no matter how honest his assessment, kaiser won't respect it because noa's logic behind it is "because I said so". he relishes being able to take on impossible tasks, so telling him he can't is only going to spur him on.
(and maybe, a terrible part of him must confess, he wants to see if it will. what will happen if he just keeps pressing those buttons. he really is careless with other people and it doesn't bother him to know that.)
noa rolls a shoulder, the one kaiser isn't leaning toward, and it creeks from stiffness. he normally stretches around this time of night and his body is irritated from a lack of maintenance. ]
I never waste my time or my energy. Everything I do, I do because I gain something from it. [ big or small, it's always about a trade-off. he doesn't do something for nothing. ] So what will I get out of this? Not enough to outweigh the risks. You're not convincing me yet.
[ and there are risks inherent to this engagement they're negotiating. far more to him than kaiser frankly. he doesn't want to indulge just for the sake of it. that's far from rational to him. ]
And where exactly do you think I'm supposed to be getting more experience from?
[ from leaving to make out with isagi instead? first of all, no. second of all, kaiser would be willing to bet a few months of his salary that he's the experienced one in that comparison. finally... again, no!
at least noa's old bones acting up makes kaiser feel slightly better. grandpa's on his way out in a matter of time and kaiser just cannot wait for that day, yippee!! rolling his eyes, kaiser reaches across noa's back to grab at his shoulder and rather forcefully apply a vaguely massage-like, rotational force as he continues to yap away, preemptively shooting up a baleful look that says something like shut your mouth! i know what i'm doing! — youth team members don't get the same resources, so it isn't unusual for them to end up doing amateur chiropractic services on each other. ]
You're a waste of space as a master who doesn't provide any experience that I couldn't get from running a computer program on my physical data instead. Any improvements I'm making are wholly in spite of you, not because of you.
[ oops, it wasn't very mature of him to vent all of that out. but kaiser hasn't been very mature all evening anyways, so there's no point in worrying about it at this point. ]
... If you want a reason, there's an obvious one. There's a payoff at the end of the road, duh. [ it's a long-term investment and the reward is being able to influence this horrible creature in the direction of noa's liking... or so kaiser assumes. ] Is that not literally the same as the reason we're in this fucking jail experiment in the first place?
[ making out with your rival is actually very healthy for a player's development. would also make for great fan service and views on the app. it's perfect for experience before he starts trying to mack on his captain.
and no, he does not think kaiser knows what he's doing when he begins to massage him, but he starts ranting too fast for noa to raise even a mild objection. whatever, it isn't completely awful. ]
Is that what this is? I don't pay enough attention to you and you're upset? [ aww... no, he knows that isn't what it is. ] What's the payoff - I relieve your stress and you stop giving me grief?
[ kaiser knows what he's doing!! which is why he's finishing off by smacking the side of his hand into noa's back with force, because everybody knows that if there are bones that feel weirdly out of place, a good smack in the right direction will put them back in. a classic move that is effective on grandpas everywhere! ]
Don't be fucking dense. [ just a pair of horrible, provocative and dense europeans doing pvp with each other right now. ] Even if I can't give you what you exactly want today, then it moves me closer to giving what you want tomorrow. And you think that I'm the closest to providing that, aren't I?
[ as noel noa's personally chosen lab rat and all, by noa's own admission. ]
Or were you full of shit when you said that earlier?
[ that gets a wince out of him. his body is going to be sore tomorrow and he knows that spot especially will be aching extra.
so the idea of this is trial and error. it might not be worth much tonight, but it could pay off later on. and he is investing in kaiser, even if this wasn't what he had in mind. it's bad that he isn't horribly opposed to this... he would have waited a couple more years to consider this level of escalation though. how long will they have together? noa runs through people a lot faster than when he was younger. ]
No, I wasn't. [ kaiser might soon wish he was, but not because of tonight. ] But I don't want you regretting anything later.
[ a final chance, maybe a bit of a defense. maybe this is the most compassion he could ever muster. these things have to be mutual in his eyes. they both need to want this or it turns messy, complicated, and frustrating for everyone. ]
You already that claimed you aren't being compassionate, so don't fucking irritate me with that shit.
[ kaiser would like to reiterate: hypocrite! irrational! okay, maybe kaiser doesn't exactly know what he's getting into here, but so be it. he also had no idea what he was getting into when some old man took him out of jail and told him to kick ball good, and kaiser has managed just fine — excelled, even, because kaiser tends to perform better the more difficult the task is. if anything, he has a better idea of what noa is about to bring to the metaphorical table than back then. ]
You're being so annoying. [ don't make him roll his eyes again. in a decidedly more annoyed fashion, kaiser reaches down to unzip his jacket the rest of the way. it's not even slightly seductive, really. ] How about this, if you're sooooo damn concerned you'll break me like a child with no restraint, you can hold still for two seconds afterwards so I can be the second person to break your nose.
[ oh thank goodness he's not trying to act seductive anymore, it saves noa from the experience of cringing internally every few minutes. he is so uninterested in that prospect. if anything he rather kaiser just be annoyed with him, because he prefers the tension that comes out of it. his affairs are awful, but there's an agreement that the opposite wouldn't work for them.
testing the waters, noa sets his hands on kaiser's shoulders and slips them under the jacket, pulling down in an urge to make him shed it all together. ]
Don't get violent with me. Even I have limits. [ as if he's a brute. he knows how to keep himself on a leash. the damage he deals out is often emotional, because having low empathy means you hurt people without realizing it. ] Though if you want to stop at any point, you just have to say so.
[ that's not a rise or bait, just a reminder that they're both agreeing to this and can end that agreement at any moment. ]
[ noa shouldn't worry, kaiser will still be sure to stand significantly closer to noa in public areas at all times from now on just to be an annoyance, not to be seductive. kaiser hasn't forgotten his threats... 💙 ]
Okay? Who was it who just told me that I don't get to decide when we're done, on account of us not being equals? [ if it looks like kaiser is baring his fangs in preparation to bite, then it's because he might be thinking about it, yeah. don't piss him off any further or he can't make any promises about restraining his violence... ] Moving the goalposts on me like that... don't look down on me so blatantly, I have my limits too.
[ he might get eyestrain from rolling his eyeballs any further, so he'll refrain and simply allow noa to push his jacket off, jaw tense with his irritation as he reaches over to unzip noa's jacket as well. ]
The time's long passed to act the responsible adult, don't you think?
[ that is not-- no, no, there's no point opening his mouth. the more he speaks, the further he collides into the same deepening dent in a brick wall that won't break. kaiser is too aggrieved to be reasoned with at this point. he's right about one thing though: he can't claim to be responsible nor respectable under these circumstances.
well, he never claimed to be either of those things to start with. he's a bastard more than anything else, right to his core. ]
You talk too much.
[ with that, he leans in to land the first blow of the night by stealing a kiss. firm and mean, he lingers for a few seconds before pulling back to slip off his jacket at kaiser's insistence. then he pushes forward again, snaking a hand around his waist to bring him in closer. ]
[ if kaiser knew, he would be proud of himself for inducing in noa the same feeling that everybody else gets interacting with noa himself: meet the impenetrable wall that makes people unstable after throwing themselves into the wall repeatedly. anyways, maybe at some point noa will realize that kaiser has a specific way that he wants all of his interactions to go ahead of time and will twist everything available to force them in that direction, but if not... that's fine too.
after replaying his horrible, terrible, no-good christmas eve mistakes like a normal person does, kaiser came to a few conclusions about how he misplayed. the first and most crucial issue was that he simply lost his cool, but the second was that he escalated too quickly assuming that he could maintain some kind of guarantee of mutually assured destruction, only to get utterly outgunned. the final is that he shouldn't underestimate what a creature noel noa is at heart, so — the logical conclusion from all of these observations: he shouldn't accelerate right into this and make sure to inch forward onto stable ground at every step.
the fool he was (only a few months ago) would have climbed right into noa's lap and straddled him, the fool that he is right now is restrained enough to merely put his arms around noa's neck and tilt his face up, parting his lips slightly and licking at noa's mouth like an adorable kitten, meow. ]
[ there are noted differences from the last time they engaged in this manner. the biggest is that they aren't on a time limit. noa was keenly aware that they could be discovered outside at any moment and so they couldn't take their time. he had to be aggressive, bare his fangs and go in for the kill. every move they made was an escalation until one of them won out. they were on a perilous clock that could run out and ruin them at any moment. that won't happen here - there will be no sudden interruptions.
kaiser may have the same idea, or maybe he realized that if he escalates too fast then noa will up the ante in response. whatever the case, noa withholds entrance for a couple beats before parting his mouth just to keep some suspense going. there's still lingering hints of the sweets they had, weak but present, and noa hums quietly as he slides their tongues together to take it in and share. it tastes better this way and he decides his reluctance to indulge was incorrect if this is the outcome.
for now he'll follow kaiser's lead and decide when to start adding pressure. this isn't a fast paced race, but a drawn out marathon. he wants this to last longer than the night of the holiday party. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ he's curious to see where kaiser can go with this. noa is far more inclined to say no and force him out, but he wants to see if kaiser can give him a reason to not. he's not opposed to being surprised. ]
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I'll give you an answer, but after I do, will you explain why you have any rational reason to not let me stay?
[ he may or may not be buying time to cook something up in his wonderful, unique mind. but also, kaiser feels like it might actually be difficult for noa to come up with an answer that isn't also compromising — kaiser already made noa agree that conventional social norms shouldn't matter, and as for the matter of space... well, he feels like noa is comfy enough with how much space he's been given, or else he would've moved already? ]
If a stray dog was sitting on your doorstep, but you didn't need to open the door in the first place, then why shoo it away? [ this makes more sense from kaiser's perspective, as a stray dog liker. ]
no subject
[ it's a trade off then. can kaiser come up with an argument that noa can't refute? he's not unreasonable, but he's certainly skeptical. he's already allowed kaiser a lot of leeway tonight, more than he ever should have, so it's time to start pushing back. ]
Strays make demands on the basis of being stray. They're wild animals who depend on mercy, seeking a source of food. I wouldn't shoo them away -- I simply wouldn't give them anything. They leave on their own in time.
no subject
At this point, if you deny me, then I'm going to assume the reason you're saying no is that you're concerned allowing it will be... personally compromising for you. [ to put it one way. but of course, the kicker: ] And I will change my behavior accordingly.
[ ... to make noa's quality of daily life worse, of course. this might also be slightly spitefully in direct response to noa asking him if he's being provocative or dumb — has noa considered that maybe kaiser will take that as a cue, not a warning? ]
no subject
What changes will you make? Provide details.
[ he's not going to make assumptions. he needs more information to make a determination. ]
no subject
If you stop trapping me here, then I can even give you an example. If you're not scared?
[ is that too obvious of a provocation? if it is, then kaiser thinks that noa shouldn't have said that kaiser tries to act provocative! you reap what you sow, and noa should keep that in mind as he attempts to nurture the inherent insanity in kaiser's mind. ]
no subject
there's a deliberate pause as he feigns consideration of a decision he's already made, letting seconds stretch on. then he lifts up and swings his legs off the bed, mattress sinking as he takes a seated position. noa twists in spot to stay tuned for kaiser's next move now that he's free, his expression neutral even as his gaze betrays interest.
no need to say anything. he's passed the ball willingly, so now let's see what happens. ]
no subject
So, I think it's your turn to answer now.
[ is there a rational reason to not allow it? well, there are plenty, actually, but that doesn't mean it'll convince kaiser. he leans in a little, pretending to be listening attentively, tilting his head forward in a way that has a few of the longer strands of his hair falling against noa's shoulder... again, noa can imagine this becoming the default distance kaiser will be keeping between them as he pleases.
to up the ante unnecessarily: but without leaning away, he reaches up to unzip the training jacket he's wearing about halfway down, to expose a bit of bare collarbone and shoulder. it's not a strange amount of skin for kaiser to show — if anything, it's the amount he shows in front of most other people, but kaiser is usually literally fairly buttoned-up in front of noa. ]
no subject
so that's what kaiser meant earlier - he's given his answer and now it's noa's turn. is there a reason he shouldn't allow this? plenty. he only needs to rub two braincells together to come up with a lengthy list to not proceed further. even so, he isn't pushing kaiser back and ending the night. maybe he wants to see if kaiser can actually live up to how shameless he's acting.
he keeps his eyes on kaiser's face, not giving any attention to the zip-down and what it promises. noa is quiet for a beat, intentionally, then lets out a quiet scoff. ]
I don't think you know what you're getting into here.
[ like, of course he knows, but does he know? noa doesn't think so. he remembers how fast kaiser was overwhelmed the last time they tangled. it won't be worth his time if they try again and it ends so fast. ]
no subject
[ this is the guy who introduced himself to blue lock by putting his hand to isagi's chin and then grabbing him by both wrists, and he gets handsy with ness on the regular — but ness knows that he's stuck in the cuck chair forever, so maybe that shouldn't be allowed as a point of reference. if anything, kaiser simply treats noa with a modicum of respect more than everybody else by being restrained in front of him.
so put altogether, kaiser is undoubtedly being forward relative to his usual behavior — and he's using plausible deniability to insist that this is "normal" for him, for a certain definition of normal. does kaiser know what he's getting into? he doesn't have an answer to that either! ]
It's not as if I clambered right into your lap or something, relax. And answer the question already, or I'm going to start thinking you don't have an answer.
[ provocative or dense? kaiser can act provocative and dense all at once, alright. ]
no subject
[ of course kaiser keeps himself in check when they're together - he's noel noa, the "world's best", the "captain", the "insert title foisted upon him" here. whether it's out of respect or an understanding that he's an authority figure, there's a sense of what behaviors they should and shouldn't engage in. a boundary, in other words. they've crossed a lot of boundaries though, here and other times. this isn't even the worst instance so far (though that may well change at this rate...)
but he's not unaware of kaiser's penchant for acting a bit like a peacock, spreading his feathers and making a scene to posture his superiority. flashy and ruthless in equal measure to strike maximum damage into the enemy's heart. not noa's style in the slightest. he plays and scores because that's what he does for a living, and his rivals drop like flies because they can't keep up.
he doesn't want hollow kaiser out before he's gotten everything he wants out of him. ]
What was the question again - 'do I have a reason to not let you stay'? [ plenty. but he's going to go for the biggest one- ] Top of mind: you're not ready for this. I don't think you can handle it. And you might feel offended, but that's my assessment.
no subject
Am I so damn irresistible that you won't be able to help yourself? The cyborg Noel Noa can't stay rational in front of something like me? [ if ness said something like that to him, kaiser would be saying the most vile things about what a useless dog he is, for the record. ] That's not my problem, it's yours. Or, what, is that your way of showing compassion to me?
[ he doesn't need that! kaiser visibly resists the urge to roll his eyes, but he does arrogantly and unnecessarily toss his hair over his shoulder. of course kaiser is offended, but more than that, he thinks this is simply a bad reason. if he chooses to play with fire and gets burned, well... that's just been his entire blue lock experience so far, what else is new. at least give him a reason that he has to create crazy logic to argue against, instead of one that he doesn't respect at all! ]
no subject
Have I ever shown you compassion? That's not my way.
[ that is, without question, the last thing on his mind in this situation. he affords no one compassion, not even himself, because comfort is a prison of safe delusion people trap themselves in. people may misinterpret him as kind at times, because he takes an action deemed that on a surface level, but he knows nothing he has ever said or done is motivated out of some intrinsic value that he must be a good samaritan.
so, he'll make it more clear: ]
As I told you earlier - we're not equals. You wouldn't challenge me the way I want.
[ as ever, it's always a game. he doesn't want to waste time playing against people who don't make it worth his while. it's the same logic as to why he never uses that nonsensical star system until one of his obnoxious peers decides to put themselves in. ]
no subject
[ somebody teach this grown ass man how to play with his toys nicely... but if that's what this is, then kaiser is pissed. that is not very rational sounding to him! control thyself better!! ]
Fucking hypocrite. [ he's jabbing his elbow into noa's ribs briefly, because he can no longer resist the temptation given his frustration with the situation. forget all the small wins he has gotten tonight! kaiser is NOT going to sleep if he doesn't get the last win! ] What about that is rational and logical.
no subject
[ he swats the elbow away as the jab draws the tiniest roblox 'oof' out of him. is he being hypocritical? he thinks it all makes perfect sense. then again, taking a moment to reflect, he can see it from the other side too. no matter how honest his assessment, kaiser won't respect it because noa's logic behind it is "because I said so". he relishes being able to take on impossible tasks, so telling him he can't is only going to spur him on.
(and maybe, a terrible part of him must confess, he wants to see if it will. what will happen if he just keeps pressing those buttons. he really is careless with other people and it doesn't bother him to know that.)
noa rolls a shoulder, the one kaiser isn't leaning toward, and it creeks from stiffness. he normally stretches around this time of night and his body is irritated from a lack of maintenance. ]
I never waste my time or my energy. Everything I do, I do because I gain something from it. [ big or small, it's always about a trade-off. he doesn't do something for nothing. ] So what will I get out of this? Not enough to outweigh the risks. You're not convincing me yet.
[ and there are risks inherent to this engagement they're negotiating. far more to him than kaiser frankly. he doesn't want to indulge just for the sake of it. that's far from rational to him. ]
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[ from leaving to make out with isagi instead? first of all, no. second of all, kaiser would be willing to bet a few months of his salary that he's the experienced one in that comparison. finally... again, no!
at least noa's old bones acting up makes kaiser feel slightly better. grandpa's on his way out in a matter of time and kaiser just cannot wait for that day, yippee!! rolling his eyes, kaiser reaches across noa's back to grab at his shoulder and rather forcefully apply a vaguely massage-like, rotational force as he continues to yap away, preemptively shooting up a baleful look that says something like shut your mouth! i know what i'm doing! — youth team members don't get the same resources, so it isn't unusual for them to end up doing amateur chiropractic services on each other. ]
You're a waste of space as a master who doesn't provide any experience that I couldn't get from running a computer program on my physical data instead. Any improvements I'm making are wholly in spite of you, not because of you.
[ oops, it wasn't very mature of him to vent all of that out. but kaiser hasn't been very mature all evening anyways, so there's no point in worrying about it at this point. ]
... If you want a reason, there's an obvious one. There's a payoff at the end of the road, duh. [ it's a long-term investment and the reward is being able to influence this horrible creature in the direction of noa's liking... or so kaiser assumes. ] Is that not literally the same as the reason we're in this fucking jail experiment in the first place?
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and no, he does not think kaiser knows what he's doing when he begins to massage him, but he starts ranting too fast for noa to raise even a mild objection. whatever, it isn't completely awful. ]
Is that what this is? I don't pay enough attention to you and you're upset? [ aww... no, he knows that isn't what it is. ] What's the payoff - I relieve your stress and you stop giving me grief?
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Don't be fucking dense. [ just a pair of horrible, provocative and dense europeans doing pvp with each other right now. ] Even if I can't give you what you exactly want today, then it moves me closer to giving what you want tomorrow. And you think that I'm the closest to providing that, aren't I?
[ as noel noa's personally chosen lab rat and all, by noa's own admission. ]
Or were you full of shit when you said that earlier?
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so the idea of this is trial and error. it might not be worth much tonight, but it could pay off later on. and he is investing in kaiser, even if this wasn't what he had in mind. it's bad that he isn't horribly opposed to this... he would have waited a couple more years to consider this level of escalation though. how long will they have together? noa runs through people a lot faster than when he was younger. ]
No, I wasn't. [ kaiser might soon wish he was, but not because of tonight. ] But I don't want you regretting anything later.
[ a final chance, maybe a bit of a defense. maybe this is the most compassion he could ever muster. these things have to be mutual in his eyes. they both need to want this or it turns messy, complicated, and frustrating for everyone. ]
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[ kaiser would like to reiterate: hypocrite! irrational! okay, maybe kaiser doesn't exactly know what he's getting into here, but so be it. he also had no idea what he was getting into when some old man took him out of jail and told him to kick ball good, and kaiser has managed just fine — excelled, even, because kaiser tends to perform better the more difficult the task is. if anything, he has a better idea of what noa is about to bring to the metaphorical table than back then. ]
You're being so annoying. [ don't make him roll his eyes again. in a decidedly more annoyed fashion, kaiser reaches down to unzip his jacket the rest of the way. it's not even slightly seductive, really. ] How about this, if you're sooooo damn concerned you'll break me like a child with no restraint, you can hold still for two seconds afterwards so I can be the second person to break your nose.
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testing the waters, noa sets his hands on kaiser's shoulders and slips them under the jacket, pulling down in an urge to make him shed it all together. ]
Don't get violent with me. Even I have limits. [ as if he's a brute. he knows how to keep himself on a leash. the damage he deals out is often emotional, because having low empathy means you hurt people without realizing it. ] Though if you want to stop at any point, you just have to say so.
[ that's not a rise or bait, just a reminder that they're both agreeing to this and can end that agreement at any moment. ]
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Okay? Who was it who just told me that I don't get to decide when we're done, on account of us not being equals? [ if it looks like kaiser is baring his fangs in preparation to bite, then it's because he might be thinking about it, yeah. don't piss him off any further or he can't make any promises about restraining his violence... ] Moving the goalposts on me like that... don't look down on me so blatantly, I have my limits too.
[ he might get eyestrain from rolling his eyeballs any further, so he'll refrain and simply allow noa to push his jacket off, jaw tense with his irritation as he reaches over to unzip noa's jacket as well. ]
The time's long passed to act the responsible adult, don't you think?
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well, he never claimed to be either of those things to start with. he's a bastard more than anything else, right to his core. ]
You talk too much.
[ with that, he leans in to land the first blow of the night by stealing a kiss. firm and mean, he lingers for a few seconds before pulling back to slip off his jacket at kaiser's insistence. then he pushes forward again, snaking a hand around his waist to bring him in closer. ]
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after replaying his horrible, terrible, no-good christmas eve mistakes like a normal person does, kaiser came to a few conclusions about how he misplayed. the first and most crucial issue was that he simply lost his cool, but the second was that he escalated too quickly assuming that he could maintain some kind of guarantee of mutually assured destruction, only to get utterly outgunned. the final is that he shouldn't underestimate what a creature noel noa is at heart, so — the logical conclusion from all of these observations: he shouldn't accelerate right into this and make sure to inch forward onto stable ground at every step.
the fool he was (only a few months ago) would have climbed right into noa's lap and straddled him, the fool that he is right now is restrained enough to merely put his arms around noa's neck and tilt his face up, parting his lips slightly and licking at noa's mouth like an adorable kitten, meow. ]
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kaiser may have the same idea, or maybe he realized that if he escalates too fast then noa will up the ante in response. whatever the case, noa withholds entrance for a couple beats before parting his mouth just to keep some suspense going. there's still lingering hints of the sweets they had, weak but present, and noa hums quietly as he slides their tongues together to take it in and share. it tastes better this way and he decides his reluctance to indulge was incorrect if this is the outcome.
for now he'll follow kaiser's lead and decide when to start adding pressure. this isn't a fast paced race, but a drawn out marathon. he wants this to last longer than the night of the holiday party. ]
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